We married ‘down' – it's the secret to a sizzling sex life

The Irish Sun

a day ago

WHEN red-haired student Jess met trainee bricklayer Bradley in a nightclub, the spark between them was unmistakeable.
But while 20-year-old Jess was quickly smitten with her handsome boyfriend, not everyone was quite so pleased.
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Pharmacist Jess Simpson married a tradesman and says her husband Paul beats any posh boy she's dated, especially in the bedroom
Credit: Lorna Roach
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Laura Dolphin, a CEO for a global company, married mechanic Rob
Credit: Aaron Collett Photography
'Bradley bought me a drink, chatted me up and made me laugh,' recalls Jess, then a chemistry undergraduate at the University of Manchester.
'When he asked for my number my university mates were horrified.'
It was a similar story with her upper middle class parents.
Did poor Brad have bad breath or a drug habit which put off her friends?
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No. His crime was not having a degree — with Jess's friends and family claiming she was 'dating down'.
And she's not the only one.
With far more girls now going to university than boys in Britain, increasing number of couples are made up of a white collar wife and blue collar bloke — with some claiming this pairing is the secret to both a healthy bank balance and a sizzling sex life.
'Breath of fresh air'
Jess, 30, says: 'Mum and dad made it clear even socialising with a tradie was out of the question — a girl like me was better and smarter than that.
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'They wanted the best for me, but I found it boring.
'They wanted me to marry up.
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'Their friends were constantly bragging about the wealthy or well-to-do husbands their daughters were marrying.'
But when Bradley asked Jess out, she instinctively wanted to say yes.
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She said: 'My inner rebel geek took hold.
'Brad was honest from the start, admitting he'd grown up on a local estate, had been a bit of a ladies' man and wasn't parent-pleasing material.
'He made me laugh, he had great banter and he could fix things.'
And Bradley, 41, excelled in another area.
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Jess says: 'He's also an amazing kisser, great in bed and a lover who was definitely good with his hands.'
While once it was the done thing for women to 'marry up' for financial reasons, the tables have turned.
Last year, over half of British women reported feeling financially independent.
Now females have more freedom when choosing their spouse — and are plumping for
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Women are more likely to go to university than men.
In 2018, 53.6 per cent of girls went on to higher education, compared to 40.2 per cent of boys.
Like most women I've always had a 'perfect-man checklist. When I met Rob he didn't tick any of those boxes but I soon discovered that my list was snobby and shallow
Laura
It seems to be a global trend, with stats showing females being more educated than males in the US, France and Belgium too.
This means the dating pool of men at university has dwindled while women can rely on themselves financially.
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Plus a survey by Materials Market found 74 per cent of women partnered with a
After seven years together, Jess and Bradley, who live in Chichester, West Sussex, married in 2022 and welcomed their son a year later.
Jess says: 'People who think marrying down is wrong are just snobs.
'Brad's amazing in bed, better than university lads.
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'Our marriage will last, while girls I know who married up are already divorced.'
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HR boss Paige Bournett clicked with forkift driver Adam Taylor
Credit: Supplied
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Jess and Paul on their wedding day
Credit: R Diaz photography
Bradley thinks the marriage works because the couple bring their 'brains and brawn together'.
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Jess agrees.
She adds: 'I may be the brains but he works hard for his money.
'He's not obsessed with keeping up with the Joneses and I find that to be a breath of fresh air.
'When we met, he was living paycheck to paycheck but he still continued to treat me like a princess.
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'He wasn't bothered that I was smarter than him.
'When I started work as a specialist pharmacist he was thrilled and didn't care that I earned double his wage.
'I fell out with some of my posh pals who accused me of dating down and slumming it.
Brad's building a business. He admits he doesn't understand chemistry, I don't understand the difference between a spanner and a screwdriver
Jess
'Brad's building a business.
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'He admits he doesn't understand chemistry, I don't understand the difference between a spanner and a screwdriver.
'Tradies are never out of work, they are in demand, and they have great chat.
'I'd rather be with a tradie than a doctor or surgeon.'
As for her parents, Jess says: 'When they met Bradley they didn't like him.
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'But after a year he'd won them over with his charm, kindness and commitment to our family.'
Privately educated Laura Dolphin, 38, had a similar experience when she found love with husband Rob, 40, who left school at the age of 16 to become a mechanic.
'I went to a posh private school and some of my friends were determined to marry up and nab the richest and poshest husbands,' says Laura, who lives in Northampton with Rob and their seven-year-old daughter.
'I have dated lawyers and uber-wealthy businessmen with expensive motors and pedigree backgrounds.'
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Before meeting Rob in 2013, Laura, who is a CEO for a global company, was in a relationship with someone she describes as a 'super academic' from a wealthy family.
She says: 'It ended when I realised he'd never consider me his equal or be interested in my goals.
'I'd realised marrying up meant living your husband's life.'
Rob was a corporal in the British Army when he and Laura met.
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'Like most women I've always had a 'perfect-man checklist',' she says.
'When I met Rob he didn't tick any of those boxes but I soon discovered that my list was snobby and shallow.
'When he wasn't fixing vehicles in the Army, he taught skiing.
'I was a learner in one of his classes when we met, and for a week, he saw me falling over, sliding on my butt, and making a fool of myself.
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'He wasn't someone I'd ever considered dating material but on the last night we shared a drink, had a laugh and he asked for my number.
'Within days, he called.
'We had the same dark sense of humour.
'I'd been an Army reservist, and we could talk about anything.
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'They were snobs'
'He didn't care if I'd been to a private school or was a CEO earning more than him.
'He was my opposite and yet we fit.
'When I told a close friend about him she was stunned, telling me he was 'below my rank' and she didn't like him.
'Her response was shocking — we haven't spoken since.'
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When Bradley asked for my number my university mates were horrified
Jess
While they may be opposites, Laura says they were the perfect match, marrying in 2016.
'I do the finances, all the household planning and organisation, the timetables and schedules and Rob does the heavy lifting,' she says.
'Instead of the mansion and posh cars I dreamt of, we live in a three-bed terrace with a veggie patch and chickens.
'Rob thinks lots of my mates look down on him, but they're jealous.
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'So many of my friends are divorced and those who are still single can't find a man.
'My advice is to chuck out the checklist and marry down — it's a recipe for a happy life.'
Rob agrees.
He says: 'She's the boss and brains, but being the brawn means I have my uses, too.
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'The moment I met Laura, I felt a connection.
'We know our marriage will last.'
Dating coach and relationship expert James Preece, owner of HeraHaven, has seen a rise in women looking for 'high emotional intelligence' rather than someone who can provide for them.
He says: 'They understand that relationship success comes from having similar values and life goals, and are comfortable with being the main earner.'
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Pensions and human resources executive Paige Bournett lives in Worcester with her fiance, forklift driver Adam Taylor, 38.
They have been together seven years and are getting married in 2026.
I was raised to be prim and proper. I was told to stay at school, go to university and marry a lawyer, doctor or businessman
Paige
Paige, 31, tried 'dating up' but found the men boring, bad in bed and only interested in their needs.
She says: 'I was raised to be prim and proper.
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'I was told to stay at school, go to university and marry a lawyer, doctor or businessman.
'But every super geek or university lad who asked me out didn't care about my needs.
'When I met Adam at a nightclub in 2018, he was cocky, sure of himself and full of funny banter.
'I was in heaven.'
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At the time, Adam was in between jobs but this did not deter Paige.
Within two months they were a couple and Adam, who left school at 16, spent time on Universal Credit and flitting between part-time low-level jobs.
Paige recalls: 'My posh friends were horrified he didn't have a career or 'prospects.'
'I didn't care, they were snobs.
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'I had the checklist for a husband — a rich man who would have a big house and I wouldn't have to work.
'Instead, I found a fella who is a forklift driver and earns less than me but is a dedicated fiance and who loves me.
'My checklist was silly, I'd be unhappily single if I'd stuck to it.
'My single friends who at first slagged off my choice are now asking him to introduce them to his tradie mates.'
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Adam adds: 'Paige was posh and prim when I met her, but she was not a snob.
'She's my uptown girl and I am proud to be her downtown man.'