Greg Dixon's Another Kind of Politics: Labour Party declared 'legally dead' by coroner
Greg Dixon is an award-winning news reporter, TV reviewer, feature writer and former magazine editor who has written for the NZ Listener since 2017.
Online only
Greg Dixon's Another Kind of Politics is a weekly satirical column on politics that appears on listener.co.nz.
A memorial is to be held on the West Coast to mark the passing of New Zealand Labour after the 109-year-old party went missing without a trace some 20 months ago. Although no body has been located, the Wellington coroner this week declared the missing party deceased.
'Despite alleged encounters with members of the parliamentary media, the Labour Party has not been provably sighted by any member of the voting public since late 2023,' the coroner said in a statement. 'Extensive hunts by army search teams, police sniffer dogs and global spy satellites have failed to find signs of life, such as effective opposition to the government's increasingly anti-worker, anti-environment and anti-Māori policies. As such, I have no option but to declare the New Zealand Labour Party legally dead.'
In further comments, the coroner said that it was her belief that following the loss of Labour matriarch Dame Jacinda Ardern at the beginning of 2023, the party went into a steep political decline. It was last seen looking dazed and confused in late 2023 under its stop-gap leader, the sausage roll aficionado Chris Hipkins.
Labour had had no further contact with the voting public from around that time and had not issued a single new policy about anything since, the coroner said. It is believed the party had likely gone into a 'deep mental funk' after its catastrophic showing at the 2023 election.
'A coroner has the power to declare a person dead in cases where there has been a major disaster and a body can't be found,' the coroner said. 'Obviously, Labour's near-record 2023 election defeat by National was just such a disaster and no one has been able to find the body of the Labour Party since. I believe that after more than 20 months without a public sighting, it is safe to conclude the party has died somewhere in the political wilderness.'
Former members and supporters of the party will mark the passing at a gathering on Monday afternoon at New Zealand Labour's birthplace at Blackball on the West Coast. In a tribute to the late party, a ceremonial vote will be held to decide whether a capital gains tax policy could have saved Labour from oblivion.
'It is a sad day for New Zealand,' one former party member said. 'A mighty tōtara has fallen. And it did it without making a sound.'
Chris Bishop calls new Lorde album 'a load of crap'
Another Kind of Politics' Music Reviewer of the Year Chris Bishop says he is 'not very bloody impressed' by the latest release from best-selling Kiwi pop singer Lorde. In his first major music review since the Aotearoa Music Awards in late May, Bishop has labelled Lorde's new album Virgin 'a load of crap', and says he wouldn't recommend it to anyone who liked 'good' music like Cold Chisel and Men at Work.
'Call me a dickhead, but I don't believe for a moment Lorde has got her V-plates intact, so it's false advertising for a start,' Bishop told Another Kind of Politics by phone. 'The first single What Was That was rubbish and made me think 'what the bloody hell was that?', which was kind of ironic, ha, ha, ha. As for the new single Hammer, I'd rather listen to Chisel. The rest of the album reminded me of being stuck in a disco while some woman moans on to me about her life.'
Virgin, released last Friday, has received almost universal praise internationally, with Rolling Stone calling it 'nearly 40 minutes of undeniable pop bangers', while The Guardian called it 'powerful, moving, personal but universal – and packed with bangers'.
Bishop said he had found 'no bangers' on the album only 'a bunch of fizzers', and would not be listening to Virgin again. 'But I'm really hanging out for 10CC's gig in Wellington next week. That'll be rockin'. Do you want a review of that?'
The prestigious Golden Nitpicker Award for music review of the year was awarded to Bishop after his thoughtful critiques at the AMA ceremony where he labelled Stan Walker's performance 'a load of crap', and claimed the singer had received 'performative acclaim'. Renowned Kiwi musician and former Mutton Bird Don McGlashan confronted Bishop at the time, telling him to 'shut up, you dickhead'.
Poll to ask what Judith Collins should lose next on her watch?
Minister For Losing Our Stuff Judith Collins is seeking public input on which vital, multimillion dollar, taxpayer-funded equipment should be lost next from her portfolios.
This week it was revealed that under Collins' tenure as the country's first Minister for Space, the MethaneSAT satellite, which the government put $29 million towards, was lost in space after going off course. This followed the sinking of the $103 million HMNZS Manawanui after it hit a reef in Samoa last October under her watch as Minister of Defence.
Collins' office said the minister would now poll New Zealanders on what expensive piece of equipment should vanish or be misplaced next under her ministerships. A spokesperson said the minister was 'ultra-keen to complete a 'lost property hat trick' by the next election'.
Political quiz of the week
Photo / Facebook
What is Deputy Prime Minister and birthday boy David Seymour about to wish for when he blows out his candles?
A/ For equality, freedom and the tyranny of the minority.
B/ That he can stir up enough fear and loathing to win Act two more seats in 2026.
C/ For a time machine to go back to 1840 to rewrite the treaty with his 'principles'.
D/ That the Prime Minister goes overseas again and never comes back.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Scoop
31 minutes ago
- Scoop
Fresh Push For Four-Lane Highway From Rolleston To Ashburton
Article – Jonathan Leask – Local Democracy Reporter A local woman is renewing the campaign for State Highway 1 between Rolleston and Ashburton to be increased to four lanes. A woman fed up with seeing near-misses is campaigning for State Highway 1 between Rolleston and Ashburton to be increased to four lanes. Rachel Gillard-Tew launched a petition this week calling on the government to reconsider four-laning the 63km stretch of road. 'State Highway 1 is the lifeline connecting communities across New Zealand, and the section between Rolleston and Ashburton is crying out for attention. 'Despite its importance, it remains a single-lane hazard.' Her motivation stems from a personal connection to 'a catastrophic accident on SH1' and, as a regular traveller along SH1, witnessing plenty of close calls. With Rolleston and surrounding towns continuing to develop, traffic would only increase, she said. 'The potential for devastating accidents increases by the day. 'It's time SH1 is also prioritised.' With the range of vehicle sizes and speeds, it creates a stressful environment where people lose patience and take risks, she said. 'There is no room for error at all with no protection from oncoming traffic. 'The lack of safe intersections and an adequate median barrier makes this highway section particularly perilous. 'The need for immediate action is clear and compelling.' Creating four lanes between Rolleston and Ashburton would save lives and reduce the unnecessary risks faced by commuters and holiday travellers, she said. The major hurdle is, and has always been, the cost. Adding two lanes from Rolleston to Ashburton will require the extension or construction of new two-lane bridges at the Selwyn and Rakaia rivers. Four-lanes 'unaffordable' Former Selwyn District councillor Mark Alexander said that four-laning between Rolleston and Ashburton is 'unaffordable for our region and country'. He said a second bridge at Rakaia is needed for resilience and 'more maintenance of the existing roadway is needed'. 'We need more schools and better healthcare, more than a motorway between Ashburton and Rolleston.' Alexander sat on the Greater Christchurch Partnership and Regional Transport Committee during his time on the council, between 2010 and 2022, and said the 'cost-benefit ratio was not favourable' for four lanes. He was referencing a business case looking at traffic solutions on SH1 between Christchurch and Dunedin, which was ready for the NZTA Board in 2017. Instead, the National-led government announced its roads of national significance policy that included four lanes from Christchurch to Ashburton. National lost the election later that year, and the roads of national significance were scrapped by the incoming Labour-led coalition Government. The business case, released under the Official Information Act, shows the preferred option was not four lanes. It included a second bridge in Ashburton and a series of '2+1' lanes, essentially alternating passing lanes between Christchurch and Ashburton. What's NZTA planning? NZTA hasn't ruled out four-laning in future, but it is not part of the National Land Transport Plan 2024-27. Regional manager for system design Rich Osborne said NZTA is investing in safety measures on SH1 between Lyttelton and Timaru ports. He said NZTA is aware of safety concerns about the busy State Highway 1 corridor, as raised in the petition. Safety improvement works are being planned and undertaken, he said. 'Providing for wide centrelines has been a recent focus of safety improvements. 'This creates more space between lanes and keeps vehicles further apart, which can reduce serious crashes resulting in death and serious injuries. 'Recent work has included widening of the southbound shoulder of SH1 south of Rolleston, between Dunns Crossing Road and Burnham Road, to install a wide centreline.' Further improvements over the next few years include building a second Ashburton bridge, the Rolleston access improvements project, and a new roundabout at the Burnham Road/Aylesbury Road intersection. A stretch south of Hinds and 2km at Rolleston have had centre line widening and more is being planned, but not until the next three-year land transport plan. 'Pre-implementation work, including detailed design and some property acquisition work, is underway for wide centrelines and some widening works for sections of State Highway 1 from Burnham Road to Selwyn River, south of Selwyn River to north of Rakaia, and south of Rakaia to north of Ashburton. 'As part of its long-term forward planning, NZTA is exploring future options for improving the SH1 corridor between Lyttelton and Timaru ports, and this includes looking at replacement of SH1 bridges, the role of rail and the potential introduction of four-laning.' National's vision on hold National first proposed four-laning the highway ahead of the 2017 election, and the policy was resurrected at the 2020 election. The party had promised to investigate its viability in the lead-up to the 2023 election. When it released its National Land Transport Plan in 2024, National's Roads of National Significance were back, with 15 new four-lane roading projects across the country – including the Woodend Bypass, but not between Ashburton and Rolleston. Rangitata MP, and South Island Minister, James Meager said the idea needed to be reevaluated. 'We need to do the work to see how it stacks up – the last time anyone looked at it seriously was in 2017, before Labour came into government. 'My main focus is getting construction started on the second Ashburton bridge and making progress on our other major South Island roading projects.'
Scoop
2 hours ago
- Scoop
Fresh Push For Four-Lane Highway From Rolleston To Ashburton
A woman fed up with seeing near-misses is campaigning for State Highway 1 between Rolleston and Ashburton to be increased to four lanes. Rachel Gillard-Tew launched a petition this week calling on the government to reconsider four-laning the 63km stretch of road. "State Highway 1 is the lifeline connecting communities across New Zealand, and the section between Rolleston and Ashburton is crying out for attention. "Despite its importance, it remains a single-lane hazard." Her motivation stems from a personal connection to "a catastrophic accident on SH1" and, as a regular traveller along SH1, witnessing plenty of close calls. With Rolleston and surrounding towns continuing to develop, traffic would only increase, she said. "The potential for devastating accidents increases by the day. "It's time SH1 is also prioritised." With the range of vehicle sizes and speeds, it creates a stressful environment where people lose patience and take risks, she said. "There is no room for error at all with no protection from oncoming traffic. "The lack of safe intersections and an adequate median barrier makes this highway section particularly perilous. "The need for immediate action is clear and compelling." Creating four lanes between Rolleston and Ashburton would save lives and reduce the unnecessary risks faced by commuters and holiday travellers, she said. The major hurdle is, and has always been, the cost. Adding two lanes from Rolleston to Ashburton will require the extension or construction of new two-lane bridges at the Selwyn and Rakaia rivers. Four-lanes 'unaffordable' Former Selwyn District councillor Mark Alexander said that four-laning between Rolleston and Ashburton is "unaffordable for our region and country". He said a second bridge at Rakaia is needed for resilience and "more maintenance of the existing roadway is needed". "We need more schools and better healthcare, more than a motorway between Ashburton and Rolleston." Alexander sat on the Greater Christchurch Partnership and Regional Transport Committee during his time on the council, between 2010 and 2022, and said the "cost-benefit ratio was not favourable" for four lanes. He was referencing a business case looking at traffic solutions on SH1 between Christchurch and Dunedin, which was ready for the NZTA Board in 2017. Instead, the National-led government announced its roads of national significance policy that included four lanes from Christchurch to Ashburton. National lost the election later that year, and the roads of national significance were scrapped by the incoming Labour-led coalition Government. The business case, released under the Official Information Act, shows the preferred option was not four lanes. It included a second bridge in Ashburton and a series of "2+1" lanes, essentially alternating passing lanes between Christchurch and Ashburton. What's NZTA planning? NZTA hasn't ruled out four-laning in future, but it is not part of the National Land Transport Plan 2024-27. Regional manager for system design Rich Osborne said NZTA is investing in safety measures on SH1 between Lyttelton and Timaru ports. He said NZTA is aware of safety concerns about the busy State Highway 1 corridor, as raised in the petition. Safety improvement works are being planned and undertaken, he said. "Providing for wide centrelines has been a recent focus of safety improvements. "This creates more space between lanes and keeps vehicles further apart, which can reduce serious crashes resulting in death and serious injuries. "Recent work has included widening of the southbound shoulder of SH1 south of Rolleston, between Dunns Crossing Road and Burnham Road, to install a wide centreline." Further improvements over the next few years include building a second Ashburton bridge, the Rolleston access improvements project, and a new roundabout at the Burnham Road/Aylesbury Road intersection. A stretch south of Hinds and 2km at Rolleston have had centre line widening and more is being planned, but not until the next three-year land transport plan. "Pre-implementation work, including detailed design and some property acquisition work, is underway for wide centrelines and some widening works for sections of State Highway 1 from Burnham Road to Selwyn River, south of Selwyn River to north of Rakaia, and south of Rakaia to north of Ashburton. "As part of its long-term forward planning, NZTA is exploring future options for improving the SH1 corridor between Lyttelton and Timaru ports, and this includes looking at replacement of SH1 bridges, the role of rail and the potential introduction of four-laning." National's vision on hold National first proposed four-laning the highway ahead of the 2017 election, and the policy was resurrected at the 2020 election. The party had promised to investigate its viability in the lead-up to the 2023 election. When it released its National Land Transport Plan in 2024, National's Roads of National Significance were back, with 15 new four-lane roading projects across the country - including the Woodend Bypass, but not between Ashburton and Rolleston. Rangitata MP, and South Island Minister, James Meager said the idea needed to be reevaluated. "We need to do the work to see how it stacks up - the last time anyone looked at it seriously was in 2017, before Labour came into government. "My main focus is getting construction started on the second Ashburton bridge and making progress on our other major South Island roading projects."
Scoop
2 hours ago
- Scoop
Te Waka McLeod Facing Peter Moeahu For New Plymouth Māori Ward
In what might be the last election for New Plymouth's Māori ward, voters will choose between a young māmā ushering in the next generation and an experienced campaigner wanting land returned. Three years ago Te Waka McLeod won Te Purutanga Mauri Pūmanawa ward and on Friday confirmed she would stand again. She faces one opponent so far: kaumātua Peter Moeahu, who has been active in council chambers for decades. More may stand before the four week cut-off but candidates are competing for an uncertain prize. Like almost all Māori wards, New Plymouth District Council's newest seat might be pulled from under the victor after three years, via a government-ordered referendum at October's election. McLeod said the threat steeled her determination that the coming generation will know they belong in local government. "Māori faces at the table are vital so rangatahi can imagine themselves sitting there." "If Māori wards are voted down I worry people might forget how deeply we care about how our communities are run, how all our people and places are cared for." During her first term "quiet conversations and gentle educating" had brought progress, as had Taranaki's iwi liaison committees, other committees with tangata whenua representatives, and Māori staff. "Everybody in the room sees how useful it is." "Non-Māori councillors, staff and voters no longer have to guess what we're trying to achieve together with them." McLeod had a baby in office and wanted to show young parents - especially mums - they could be involved. "I don't need to be the loudest voice in the room. I work on kaupapa aligned with my values and my people and that's how change happens." Peter Moeahu often has had the loudest voice in the room. Across the reigns of five New Plymouth mayors he has stood up for mana whenua in Taranaki's council chambers. He sits on Taranaki Regional Council's Policy and Planning Committee and South Taranaki District Council's Te Kāhui Matauraura. Moeahu said several New Plymouth councillors who had become experienced with iwi and hapū aspirations are stepping down, leaving him worried about candidates from right-wing ratepayer groups and the Act Party. "That's why I'm throwing my hat in the ring," he said. "If this is the last term for the Māori ward I want to be there and face up to whoever they chuck at us." Moeahu wants a specific win: the return of land taken from Puketapu hapū in 1968, with no record of compensation. His grandfather Pehimana Tamati helped established a trust for Mangati E Māori Reserve. "Three years later, the county council just took the land. Just took it under the Public Works Act." Earmarked for sewerage works, nothing happened beyond the digging of two oxidation ponds Moeahu believes were never used. New Plymouth District Council inherited control and Mangati E is part of Bell Block's Hickford Park and the coastal walkway. In 2022 Moeahu asked for Puketapu's land back, but councillors halted progress to investigate how to deal with the range of Māori land it governs. "There are Māori reserves all around New Plymouth that were set aside for us to live on, for us to prosper on - and they're no longer in our hands," Moeahu said. He wants Mangati back as a priority and precedent. "I want to see the finalisation of this piece of land, Mangati E, in my lifetime so we don't leave the situation for the next generation." National's coalition deals with NZ First and Act promise referendums for wards elected by voters on the Māori roll. No other type of ward can be voted down. If voters ditch Te Purutanga Mauri Pūmanawa it cannot be resurrected for six years.
