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Marines Raise American Flag Outside Cell Phone Store After Defeating Skateboarding Teenagers

Marines Raise American Flag Outside Cell Phone Store After Defeating Skateboarding Teenagers

The Onion12-06-2025
LOS ANGELES—Triumphantly planting the pole firmly into the ground, U.S. Marines reportedly raised the American flag outside a cell phone store Thursday after defeating a group of skateboarding teenagers. 'Victory!' cried out 1st Lt. Eric Mullaney, who wiped the sweat and grime from his brow and gazed up at the poignant sight of the billowing Stars and Stripes as it flew outside the small but strategic city strip mall. 'It was a daunting five-minute battle, but we held our ground. May freedom ring over this Cricket Wireless! Semper fi!' At press time, sources reported that one of the Marines had tragically fallen in the line of duty after tripping over an electric scooter.
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Obama's Russiagate meddling: Letters to the Editor — Aug. 2, 2025
Obama's Russiagate meddling: Letters to the Editor — Aug. 2, 2025

New York Post

time44 minutes ago

  • New York Post

Obama's Russiagate meddling: Letters to the Editor — Aug. 2, 2025

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Saquon Barkley among NFL stars who will join President Trump's council on Sports Nutrition
Saquon Barkley among NFL stars who will join President Trump's council on Sports Nutrition

USA Today

time2 hours ago

  • USA Today

Saquon Barkley among NFL stars who will join President Trump's council on Sports Nutrition

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