No animals were harmed in the making of this interview with Stuart McCloskey
At 32-years-old the Bangor native doesn't need to be fearful of saying the wrong thing. That's a door he closed long ago when negotiating a rite of passage from a wide-eyed tyro to one of
Ulster
's most enduring and consistently excellent performers, with 19
Ireland
caps to his name.
He's the senior figure in the 33-man Ireland squad for the upcoming Tests against Georgia and Portugal, a tag that would have belonged to Finlay Bealham before the Connacht prop's call-up to the
Lions tour
. McCloskey is mock resentful at being cast as Methuselah, but he can't escape the historical references.
He once played in and won the Tbilisi Cup, 10 years ago in the Georgian capital, a tournament that included the host nation, Emerging Ireland, Emerging Italy and Uruguay.
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His abiding memory? 'I remember the zoo. It was the time the animals escaped from the zoo.' Tbilisi was hit by a landslide and flooding that destroyed parts of the city.
Half of the zoo's inhabitants were killed and several surviving inhabitants including a hippopotamus, big cats, bears, wolves and hyenas escaped their confinement and took to the streets. The police were forced to shoot some, others were recaptured, the hippo made its way to a flooded Heroes' Square, while an African penguin was found at the Red Bridge border crossing with Azerbaijan, 60km south of Tbilisi.
Stuart McCloskey has tended to make his mark whenever he has played for Ireland. Photograph: Ben Brady/Inpho
Saturday's game is in a much bigger stadium than the one in which McCloskey played in 2015, but he recalls 'a nice hotel and the architecture in the squares more so than the games themselves'.
'I was pretty naive to what professional rugby was 10 years ago, didn't really know what I was up to, but a few years under the belt, a few more grey hairs and I think I know what I'm about these days.'
There's one other story that dates McCloskey. To the best of his knowledge, he is the only one in the squad who has played against the interim head coach
Paul O'Connell
. The centre sets the scene.
'Ulster sent down the biggest B team of all time, because it was dead rubber at the end of the season. Munster had their best team out.
'I remember it very well, actually. I think Michael Heaney scored a try. They were trying to get to second, I think. We were fourth, and couldn't go up or down. It was back in the Pro 12 days. We got the win. I think it was my fourth cap.'
So, has he dropped that into the conversation with his coach? McCloskey smiled: 'No, but I'd like to think that he knows. No, as a player [O'Connell] was incredibly intimidating. We all were terrified of him. I think I was in one [Ireland] training camp with him. [As a coach] he has that intimidation factor, but I think he's very personable.
'He lets the young guys come out of their shells, not very different to what Faz [Andy Farrell] is like. I'm sure he's watched Faz over the last three or four years and learned a lot from that. [It's about] how does he put his own stamp on it, I suppose? There hasn't been a great deal of difference.
'He's probably seemed quite laid back to me, but I suppose being the oldest in the group, it's easy to feel a bit more laid back when you're 32 years of age, not 20.'
McCloskey's most recent cap was against Fiji last November. Injuries fractured his playing time a little, but he did get back into Ireland training camp towards the end of the Six Nations. He's been largely very good when called upon in the course of his Test career, one that includes a strike-rate of a try every four matches.
It's just that he's facing very stiff competition, two of whom, Garry Ringrose and Bundee Aki, are on the Lions tour, while Robbie Henshaw, currently injured, is, like Aki, is a two-time Lions tourist.
McCloskey said: 'I don't think I'm doing a lot wrong. I think when I played, it went well.'
He paused for a moment when asked what areas he'd like to enhance in his game. 'Probably a bit more physicality in defence. I think I've got most things in attack. Overall, I don't think there's a lot in it. I think [if] a few decisions go my way I'm standing here with a few more caps.'
Joking aside, he's content to be the elder statesman, his nature calm and laid back. That shouldn't be mistaken for a lack of desire. He, more than most, understands that a good summer can be harvested in November when the full squad comes back together. He'll be keen to do what he does best – go forward.
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