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From temples to towers: Old memories collide with new money in Geylang

From temples to towers: Old memories collide with new money in Geylang

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The colourful streets of Geylang have changed dramatically, with temples and kampungs making way for condominium developments and co-living spaces.
SINGAPORE – Madam Ang Ah Lang's former home in Lorong 32 Geylang was hard to miss. One of the last remaining detached stilt houses in Geylang, it stood out among the mid-rise apartment buildings and terraced houses that line the street.
A jackfruit tree had stood in the expansive front garden ever since Madam Ang's father-in-law purchased the house for $18,000 in 1968. A small pink pagoda in the front garden was the only sign of the house's past as a temple.
Down the front garden, a metal banner featuring intricate inscriptions of Taoist deities and the names of the temple's benefactors stood beneath the shade of the verandah.
The 2m-tall banner shielded the main hall of the house from public view. The temple, which occupied the main hall of the house, housed a large statue of the thousand-armed form of Guan Yin, the Buddhist goddess of mercy and compassion, flanked by two deities. A large table in the middle of the room held incense burners and candles.
'In the past, there were devotees who came here to pray every day. We would prepare for ceremonies during Chinese New Year, Hungry Ghost Festival, Qing Ming and Dragon Boat Festival. People would come, and the courtyard became a very lively place,' said Madam Ang, an 82-year-old homemaker, who spoke in Mandarin.
Madam Ang Ah Lang at her former home in Lorong 32 Geylang with her granddaughter Low Li-Shann. A temple occupied the main hall of the house.
ST PHOTO: CHONG JUN LIANG
But the streams of worshippers and elaborate ceremonies became a thing of the past following the death of Madam Ang's husband in 2021, although the temple would receive family friends on occasion.
Last November, the sound of religious chanting emanated from the courtyard once again. But it would be the final time.
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The family had sold the 6,835 sq ft property, and the family had gathered to 'send off' the temple deities before Madam Ang moved out later that month.
Her son Soh Kim Boon, 52, said 'it was time to move on from the house', as the circa 1930s bungalow was starting to deteriorate. The property, sold for $12 million to Primest Land, will be redeveloped into a 20-unit residential apartment building.
Madam Ang teared up as family members gathered in the house. 'I didn't expect this to come so soon – that this is the last time we will all be gathered here.'
As the family knelt down in front of the statues of deities and prayed, a priest conducting the ceremony tossed wooden cups known as sheng bei and asked the deities for permission to send them off several times.
The priest then removed the clothes and gold jewellery on the deities. The clothes were burned in the pagoda, and the jewellery – a curious assortment that appeared over time, likely placed by grateful devotees when their prayers were answered – was collected, to be burned at a later time.
The deities were then turned to face away from the main door. The priest rubbed ashes on each of the deities' eyes before the statues were carried out of the main hall, closing a chapter in the house's century-long history.
Geylang's streets are changing fast – temples and kampungs replaced by chic cafes and co-living spaces. But for long-time residents, the cost of gentrification is more than just dollars and cents.
Mr Gebian Lye, who lives down the street from Madam Ang in a two-storey home office, views the sale of her house as part of a wave of change that has swept Geylang.
'This entire stretch comprised terraced houses 20 years ago. Now, I can count eight condominiums that have been built around me,' Mr Lye said.
'I've been approached by many developers before as well, but didn't want to sell when some of my neighbours did, which is why part of my wall is now shared with the condominium next door.'
He added: 'The apartments opposite used to be a small little bungalow before somebody bought it back in the 90s to build a four-storey house. Then, three years ago, they demolished and sold it, and the other developer built it up to seven storeys.'
Today, most of Lorong 32 is taken up by condominium complexes, with the rare terraced house breaking up the uniform rows of balcony windows on both sides of the street.
Madam Ang Ah Lang's former home in Lorong 32 Geylang, sold for $12 million to Primest Land, will be redeveloped into a residential apartment building.
ST PHOTO: CHONG JUN LIANG
From coconut plantations to conservation shophouses
Lorong 32 is one of the lanes that extend from Geylang Road, the main trunk road that connects eastern neighbourhoods of Singapore such as Joo Chiat and Paya Lebar to the city fringe.
Numbered from 1 to 44, even-numbered and odd-numbered lorongs (Malay for lanes) occupy the left and right sides of Geylang Road respectively.
Geylang was gazetted for conservation in 1991, with selected shophouses along the main roads of Geylang Road, Guillemard Road and Sims Avenue, as well as in the lorongs, earmarked for conservation.
Many of the shophouses were built between the 1910s and 1950s, reflecting a wide range of architectural styles from the 'Early' style of the late 19th century to the Art Deco movement of the 1930s.
Peeking out from behind the conservation shophouses that line Geylang Road are newer apartment blocks and commercial buildings, up to eight storeys high. Less visible are the handful of two-storey shophouses and terraced houses scattered between the condominiums which serve as rare windows into Geylang's history.
Geylang was a lemongrass plantation in the 19th century, before shifting to the more lucrative cultivation of coconut at the turn of the 20th century. As the neighbourhood grew, business owners started to move into shophouses, many of them manufacturing goods.
The exact origin of 'Geylang' is unclear. It may derive from the Malay word kilang, for mill or factory, or gelang, an edible local plant.
Mr Curve Khong is the founder of project management firm Ideas­scout Projects, which operates out of an office in Geylang. The 50-year-old said his parents moved into Lorong 17 Geylang after starting a business stamping leather heels on shoes in 1973, mainly serving two shoemakers across the street.
He says: 'The entire area was mostly micro businesses. Next to my parents' store was a printer shop, a shop that painted movie posters, a bicycle shop and a shop selling pirated cassettes. Then farther down the road there were a tyre shop and lots of stockists for water pipes and metal bars.'
Mr Lai Tuck-Chong, a 60-year-old director of an advertising agency, grew up in the second-floor unit of a shophouse in Sims Avenue, between Lorong 17 and 19. A bustling metal workshop occupied the ground floor. He recalls: 'The folks there beat and welded grilles of all kinds, and looking back I was quite privileged, as kids don't usually get to see how things are made.'
Many of the families there were in the lubricant and car parts business, and lived above their own shop or factory, he adds.
The growth of Geylang's manufacturing industries was accompanied by an influx of Chinese and Malay settlers, who established villages in the area.
Mr Dennis Tan, the third-generation owner of a corner shophouse in Lorong 34, remembers how Geylang was home to a high concentration of kampungs when he was growing up in the 1970s.
The 53-year-old manager of the property says: 'The area around the MRT stations and Sims Avenue used to be kampungs, but then they were later demolished for development. They weren't like the organised buildings you see now. You would go into a stretch of road and find some shophouses, then deeper inside you'd find some attap houses (thatched-roof houses) scattered around.'
While the kampungs fostered tight-knit communities, there was a clear divide along ethnic lines. Mr Tan says: 'My father would not allow me and my siblings to go up to Sims Avenue, as that was where the Malay villages were. In 1964, there were riots between Malay and Chinese communities in large parts of Geylang, so that affected the mood of the area a lot.
'Today, most of the kampungs are gone. With the increase in new private apartments, there are a lot of young families and expats. The environment is much more vibrant and pleasant to stay in.'
Geylang's gritty underbelly
As the community grew, Geylang became associated with vices such as prostitution and gambling, a stigma that is still attached to the neighbourhood today.
As early as 1959, newspapers reported on anti-vice raids conducted in Geylang's brothels. In the 1980s, one of Singapore's most notorious loan sharks, Ah Long San, was known for operating an empire of karaoke bars that stretched from Lorongs 30 to 34.
As a young boy in the 1980s, Mr Tan was tasked with helping out at his family's coffee shop in their shophouse every day after school.
He recalls: 'There used to be secret societies on every corner. The gangsters also liked to conduct their loan-sharking business at the coffee shops. It caused a lot of head­aches, as they sometimes fought and broke things.
'It got very hard to operate, which is why my parents decided to just lease out the coffee shop and stop operating the business.'
Geylang's even-numbered lorongs were notorious for their many brothels.
Mr Tan says: 'The red-light district used to stretch from Lorong 10 all the way to Lorong 34 from the 1980s to the 2010s.
'Then, developers started to come in, and the brothel owners sold their places when they saw the money that could be made from development. Today, the brothels are mostly concentrated in the lower-numbered lorongs, like Lorong 10 to 16.'
His parents now live on the ground floor of a five-storey building in Lorong 36 Geylang that they purchased in 1991. Mr Tan moved out in 2007 after his first daughter was born.
The first signs of gentrification
Mr Cai Yinzhou, 33, the executive director of Chinatown Heritage Centre and a
recently elected MP for Bishan-Toa Payoh GRC , is a lifelong resident of Geylang.
He attributes much of Geylang's wave of development in the 1990s to the neighbourhood's notoriety.
'The stigma of the red-light district pushes prices down even though many of the properties here are freehold and close to the city centre, causing them to be undervalued,' says Mr Cai, who also founded Geylang Adventures, which conducts tours of the area.
As the community grew, Geylang became associated with vices such as prostitution and gambling, a stigma that is still attached to the neighbourhood today.
ST PHOTO: AZMI ATHNI
In the 1990s, developers took notice of the low property prices in Geylang, leading to the first signs of change. Many developers acquired individual landed properties throughout the lorongs and consolidated them to build taller buildings such as condominiums or budget hotels.
This attracted significant media attention and speculation over which developer would earn the title of 'Geylang King'.
Three candidates quickly emerged.
Datuk Eric Tan Eng Huat, the founder and chairman of real estate conglomerate Hatten Group; Mr Koh Wee Meng, founder and executive chairman of property and hotel developer Fragrance Group; and Mr Choo Chong Ngen, founder of Hotel 81, were noted for their large-scale acquisitions, which were unprecedented for what was then a sleepy industrial neighbourhood.
For Mr Tan, the decision to redevelop Geylang was both commercial and sentimental. He says: 'I have some affinity with Geylang. My father used to sell eggs along Lorong 7 to 13, and I would always help him as a boy.'
He adds: 'Later on, I realised that Geylang's plot ratio was quite high, and there was no setback since they were all terraced houses. Also, a lot of the properties were freehold. But nobody wanted to develop Geylang because of its reputation as the red-light district, so there was less competition and the price was cheap. The first property I bought in 1990 was around $98 per sq ft, now it's around $1,500.'
His first acquisitions in Geylang were the big break his budding company needed then.
'A lot of people thought what I was doing was impossible then. The banks were wary of lending money, and negotiations with each landowner could get complicated,' he says.
Mr Tan launched his first project, the 49-unit Torieville at Lorong 6 in 1995. The eight-storey building was built on the former site of a row of terraced attap houses.
He recalls: 'It was difficult to get funding for the project initially because it was within the red-light district.' Nevertheless, 27 out of 28 units were sold within two months of the launch. The buyers were a mix of residents looking to upgrade from their HDB flats and investors, who intended to rent out the apartments.
He acquired more than 30 properties in Geylang between 1990 and 1995 for redevelopment, radically transforming the streetscape of Geylang by building a portfolio of apartment buildings and budget hotels.
Mr Tan made his final purchase in Geylang in 1995, which became Wing Fong Mansions. Sensing that the property scene in Geylang had become overly competitive, he chose to divest all his holdings in Geylang before turning his attention to new projects in Singapore and Malaysia. Even though Hatten Group's projects are now concentrated in Melaka, the neighbourhood continues to retain its allure for him.
'If I go back to doing projects in Singapore, my first project will be in Geylang,' he says.
Datuk Eric Tan Eng Huat, the founder and chairman of real estate conglomerate Hatten Group, made his final purchase in Geylang in 1995, which became Wing Fong Mansions.
PHOTO: SCREENGRAB FROM GOOGLE MAPS
Laissez-faire development
Since most of Geylang's development is driven by private developers, the neighbourhood's streetscape has evolved into a patchwork that reflects its organic growth.
Budget hotels, condominiums, clan associations, and late-night eateries stand shoulder-to-shoulder within the small area bounded by Sims Avenue and Guillemard Road. A fact that Mr Cai shared often in his tours is that Geylang has the largest concentration of religious institutions and brothels in Singapore.
This diversity is reflected in Geylang's residents as well. A large proportion of Geylang's residents are expatriates and international students who rent units in Geylang's condominiums. They live alongside migrant workers who are housed in private lodgings that are often found on the upper-floor units of Geylang's shophouses.
'Geylang's central location is a huge draw. There's the stigma of the red-light district, but for many foreigners who come from abroad, what Singaporeans perceive as unsafe is actually quite fine for them. So Geylang inadvertently provides the best mix of convenience and cost for them,' says Mr Cai.
Reflecting the steady demand for rental housing, Mr Cai says: 'Around half of the neighbours I grew up with in my apartment block moved out and converted their apartments to rental units.'
As a result, Geylang has seen a steady influx of residents that add to the neighbourhood's already diverse social fabric. Mr Cai says: 'In the past, it used to be a 'Little Chinatown' because of the eateries and shops servicing Chinese migrant workers here, but now there's also an influx of Vietnamese and Bangladeshi eateries as well to service their respective communities.
Mr Cai also notes that there are no Housing Board flats within the lorongs of Geylang. 'This reflects how highly privatised the neighbourhood is, so it's not easy for the demographics of the area to be changed,' he says.
'The neighbourhood has developed its own unique character as a result of being entirely left to free market forces.'
Geylang's new cultural custodians
In the past decade, new developers have joined the fray, but they have different plans for the area. Instead of building new structures, a new wave of developers is seeking to create a concrete identity for the community in Geylang.
Among the new developers is Mr Sebastian Soh, 36, who runs property management and placemaking firm Meir Collective. In 2013, Mr Soh's father, housing developer David Soh, sought to enter the Geylang market by acquiring several units of a walk-up apartment block and pushing for a collective sale of the entire building, but the deal did not go through.
In 2018, the duo began exploring investment opportunities in shop­houses and acquired a slew of them in Geylang. The younger Mr Soh says their conservation status made them 'a very unique investment'.
While Meir owns shophouses throughout Singapore, the firm's three shophouses at 211, 465 and 483 Geylang Road form the lynchpin of an ambitious project to remake Geylang.
The area, after all, holds immense personal significance to the younger Mr Soh, who spent his childhood in Geylang growing up in Lorong 3 with his great-grandmother.
He says: 'Before the red-light district, Geylang used to be family friendly. The red-light district only arrived in the 1990s as it slowly shifted from farther from the city centre to Chinatown, to Bugis, then Geylang.
'I want to bring back the spark to Geylang. The shophouses along Geylang Road will be the main site of change.'
483 Geylang was the firm's first shop­house in Geylang, and comprises a corner unit facing Lorong 27 and three others facing Geylang Road.
When Meir acquired the shop­houses in 2020, the tenants were a massage parlour, KTV bar, and a coffee shop with 'beer ladies'. The second level was illegally used as a foreign worker dormitory.
He chose not to renew their leases and actively sought 'some­thing with a Singapore heritage... that can be brought into the future'.
Today, co-living operator Cove occupies the second floor, while Meir is in the process of identifying suitable tenants for the first floor.
'We see Geylang as Singapore's St Kilda', says Mr Soh, referring to the former red-light district turned lifestyle hub in Melbourne. 'Covid-19 was a hard-reset for the area, and now that we're on a clean slate, we can rethink Geylang'.
This change is part of the process of placemaking, which is the process of shaping public spaces to enhance their vibrancy and make them appealing for people to live, work and play in.
Mr Soh, whose title at his firm is Chief Placemaker, engaged local experience design studio The Afternauts to develop a strategy for Meir's shophouses in Geylang.
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The Afternauts co-founder Chew Kok Yong explains: 'Placemaking is an intentional process that tries to take into account the history and characteristics of the particular neighbourhood.
'In contrast to gentrification, which is characterised by a lack of control, placemaking involves a plan. We want to actively reshape the neighbourhood by bringing in more community activities.'
As part of their collective vision for Geylang, Meir and The Afternauts have started monthly 'block parties' in local businesses for residents in the area to mingle. The first iteration in August 2024 was held at Space Coffee, a newly opened cafe serving vegan food.
Mr Chew says: 'We also want to explore the idea of a pedestrianised Geylang Road on certain days in the future, but for now our focus is on building a community here step by step.'
Another second-generation developer with a unique vision for Geylang is Mr Fang Low, the founder of co-living developer Figment.
In 2012, Mr Low's father acquired a row of eight 1920s shophouses from their former clan association occupants, now named the Lorong 24A Shophouse Series.
Under the Urban Redevelopment Authority's Geylang Urban Design Guidelines, the original facade and structure of conservation shophouses must be retained, although owners have the option of building a rear extension.
Figment refreshed the facades of its shophouses, while the interiors of each shophouse were redesigned completely by a different local architect.
'We wanted to stay as true as possible to how the shophouses originally were,' Mr Low says. 'We brought in authentic Peranakan tiles and actually hand-scraped the exteriors of the shophouses for that aged look.'
Mr Low hopes to make Geylang a hub for the arts. In April 2023, Figment launched the first iteration of an artist residency programme, with four local artists invited to spend six months in a studio in the main shophouse at 11 Lorong 24A.
Each shophouse also features works by a different local artist – from paintings to sculptures – that are displayed in communal spaces like the living room. These artists are separate from those in the residency programme, with each artwork selected to complement the character of the home.
As part of this unique collaboration, 15 per cent of the rental proceeds from each shophouse go the artist whose creations bring the space to life.
Mr Low says: 'We want to tap the mix-used zoning in Geylang. We feel that there is a bohemian vibe here, and we want to encourage interaction with the arts. In the long run, we envision Geylang as a hub for the arts.'
Pophouse in Lorong 24A, a project by co-living developer Figment. It refreshed the facades of its shophouses, while the interiors of each shophouse were redesigned completely by a different local architect.
PHOTO: FIGMENT
Across from Lorong 24A Shop­house Series is Mr Jeffrey Eng's Chinese antique shop Eng Tiang Huat, which was established by his grandfather in 1938. His father moved the shop from its original location in Merchant Road to its current premises in Geylang in 1984.
Many of Figment's co-living tenants have made visits to the shop, where the 63-year-old eagerly shows them around the traditional Chinese instruments, costumes, and furniture he has collected over decades.
'A lot of younger people and expats come to this area now, and I always appreciate people with a genuine interest in the history here. I hope that there will be more people who are interested in the Geylang story,' says Mr Eng.
His family lives with him on the upper floor of the shophouse. He adds: 'My wish is for Lorong 24A to turn into a cultural space. Hopefully it becomes cleaner too, because the old Geylang wasn't family friendly.'
Hold out, or fold
While developers like Figment and Meir seek to conserve Geylang's physical history, ownership of these buildings will inevitably pass from their individual occupants to commercial entities as the area gentrifies.
Although Mr Eng wants to stay put in Geylang to continue witnessing its changes, the reality is that maintaining a time-worn building is a relentless battle – and an expensive one at that.
Mr Eng says: 'Annually, I think I spend $5,000 on maintaining the shophouse for things like pipe bursts or roof leaks.'
'I changed the entire roof for almost $20,000 15 years ago. Today it would exceed $50,000. I've managed to maintain my wooden structure well, but I have to fumigate the entire place every few years to ensure there are no termites, which costs me about $2,000 each time,' he added.
The building's roof and structure also need work. The conservation status of his shophouse presents additional obstacles to maintenance.
Mr Eng says: 'My shophouse is almost 120 years old, which makes it very expensive to renovate. I wanted to do so 10 years ago, but the lowest tender was $1.2 million, which I could not afford. This was because they had to do things like micro-piling to ensure the structure of the shophouse is retained.'
'I've seen families with financial difficulties who can't afford the $500 for repairs needed to fulfil Building and Construction Authority guidelines. They then have to look for help. Otherwise, they have to sell,' he adds.
As the shophouse ages and draws increased interest from buyers, Mr Eng senses its days may be numbered.
'My own place is appreciating. Most of my neighbours want to sell their place for around $7 million to $8 million,' he says.
'I would love to preserve the place, but I'll leave the decision to my children. They're not interested in my business, so I don't know what will happen.'
Madam Ang's granddaughter Low Li-Shann, too, wrestled with a sentimental desire to preserve the legacy of her family home in Lorong 32 Geylang and the pragmatic alternative of letting go.
She says: 'Growing up, I used to be uncomfortable sharing that I lived here. It was old and so different from the modern houses my friends lived in – there was only one toilet for the house and there were rats, which I was scared of.
'But as I grew older, I started to realise that the house and its unique charm would be gone eventually. In the last few years of staying here, I tried to capture as many memories as I could, because I know that we can't cling on to things that don't last forever.'
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'Things were not the same anymore': After one partner cheats, can a relationship truly be saved?

Mr and Mrs Tan (not their real names) had been married for about five years when she started receiving messages from an unknown individual in early 2024 detailing an affair that he was having with his colleague. When she confronted her husband about it shortly after, he admitted to it. Mrs Tan, 37, a manager at a corporate firm, said: 'The first reaction was shock ... Following that, there was resentment, anger and sadness that we have lost a part of our relationship. Things were not the same anymore." She had never once doubted him even though he often stayed out late drinking. She had believed that her husband, who is manager at another corporate firm, just needed to relieve stress. For Mr Tan, 35, the extramarital affair was a form of escapism. He struggled with negative feelings and couldn't bring himself to discuss them with his wife, instead resorting to alcohol. This led to him turning to another woman to satisfy his physical needs in an affair that lasted over a year. Relationship counsellors told CNA TODAY that infidelity is rather common among married couples, be it emotional, physical or online cheating. Yet, couples can find it too painful or shameful to discuss the affairs openly, even if they want to fix their relationship. This begs the question – can a relationship survive infidelity? When is it worth mending the relationship and when is it better to call it quits? DISTANCE LEADS TO INFIDELITY In truth, adultery is rarely a hasty act. Experts said that it often starts from a gradual breakdown in a couple's relationship after trust and emotional closeness are weakened. Associate counsellor Beverly Foo from The Lighthouse Counselling, which provides couples' therapy and marriage counselling among other services, said that Singapore couples often juggle high-pressure careers and childcare responsibilities. With so many demands on their time and energy, couple time is usually the first thing sacrificed. As intimacy wanes, the relationship can then start to feel like a source of stress instead of support. 'As that distance grows, one or both partners may begin to invest less in the relationship," Ms Foo added. "Resentment builds, appreciation fades and attention shifts to what is lacking rather than what is present." As one or both parties begin to feel more emotionally neglected or vulnerable, boundaries with other people may start to blur. A connection with someone outside the relationship can feel rewarding. Over time, the person may permit themselves to cross a line. Relationship coach Winifred Ling from mental health clinic Promises Healthcare said that often, the workplace is the most convenient and accessible environment for this to happen. "Initially, (casual) encounters might seem harmless but once a boundary is crossed, it becomes easier to deceive and lie," she added. Ms Tammy Fontana, relationship counsellor at All in the Family Counselling Centre, stressed that infidelity is not always about an individual's moral failings and can often be a symptom of underlying issues within the relationship. It can also stem from a lack of emotional development and maturity, or mental health challenges such as depression, unresolved trauma or addiction issues. Additionally, the experts said that societal stigma often discourages couples from speaking openly about infidelity, a topic that's still widely considered to be taboo or shameful. This certainly rings true for Mr and Mrs Tan, who have not disclosed their difficulties to anyone outside of their immediate families and the reason why they did not want to be identified for this interview. Couples therapist Lieu An An from therapy provider The Psychology Atelier said that Singapore's strong emphasis on family stability and social image could play a part in pressuring couples to 'keep things together' even after such a betrayal. Relationship coach Winny Lu Aldridge from Just2Hearts Counselling said that cultural beliefs and values can also make many couples reluctant to "air dirty laundry in public", leading them to struggle in isolation. This may also mean that they do not receive the support and guidance they need, which can in turn worsen the emotional damage. WHEN IS THE RELATIONSHIP WORTH SAVING? When one partner cheats, does that automatically spell the end of the relationship? Not quite, the experts said. Many practical concerns can affect how individuals and couples weigh this dilemma – for instance, if young children are involved or if one spouse is financially dependent on the other. However, what often determines the outcome is not the nature of the betrayal itself, but rather how both partners respond afterwards. Ms Foo said: "If the unfaithful partner takes full responsibility, ends the affair completely and demonstrates genuine remorse – not just in words but through consistent and trustworthy actions – there is often a foundation to rebuild upon." Likewise, the betrayed partner needs to feel emotionally safe enough to stay open to the healing process, she added. This was the case for Mr and Mrs Tan. She eventually decided to give him another chance on account of their two young children, but also because Mr Tan took responsibility for his misdeeds by apologising sincerely, ending the affair and seeking her forgiveness, even cutting off communication with the other woman. 'Without any of these factors, I think it would be hard for us to move on,' Mrs Tan said. Even in the wake of an affair, the couple may still share a strong emotional connection, history or mutual respect, Mrs Aldridge from Just2Hearts Counselling said. If the unfaithful partner takes full responsibility, ends the affair completely and demonstrates genuine remorse – not just in words but through consistent and trustworthy actions – there is often a foundation to rebuild upon. However, some individuals may feel that staying with their partner after such a betrayal would compromise their emotional integrity or core values, Ms Foo said. One such person is Ms Willynn Ng, 37, who divorced her husband after he cheated on her twice. The regional head of a dating application said: 'There comes a point when you've given someone chance after chance and they make it painfully clear that they love themselves more than they ever loved you. 'When they repeatedly prioritise their own desires over your mental and emotional well-being, you realise that the only person left to choose you is you.' Ms Ng also asked herself what staying with her unfaithful spouse would signal to her four children. Would she be "normalising" the notion of betrayal in close relationships for them? "That's a legacy I refuse to leave behind." The betrayed parties may be more inclined to separate if they are financially independent or if they already have strong social and family support outside of their partners, Mrs Aldridge said. There is often no single deciding factor outweighing all else, but Ms Ling from Promises Healthcare believes that splitting up can be the best option when conflict between a couple is negatively affecting their children or when only one partner is still invested in making the relationship work. THE LONG JOURNEY TO HEALING How, then, can a broken relationship ever truly be healed? At the outset, the immediate priority should be allowing intense emotions such as anger and hurt to settle, Ms Lieu from The Psychology Atelier said. It could be good for couples to agree upon a short break from each other – even a few hours of space helps to prevent negative escalation. Major decisions such as separation or retaliation should be held off until emotions have cooled. To provide some stability during this emotional upheaval, the couple could also ask trusted family or friends to help with household duties such as childcare, Mrs Aldridge recommended. The next step: transparent conversations between the couple, which might take place over a few sessions. Both partners should be prepared to express feelings and needs that may have gone unattended for a long time, Ms Lieu said. In particular, the cheating partner has to be ready and willing to answer questions honestly. Such conversations can easily become confrontational and heated, so it is important to pace this process. In navigating this stage, couples should also consider reaching out for community support from loved ones or even professional help, as Mr and Mrs Tan did in seeking out a relationship counsellor. 'A trained couples therapist could be very helpful to add structure to talk about tricky topics,' Ms Lieu added. Finally, both partners need to commit to re-establishing trust. This involves negotiating clearer boundaries and reaffirming the shared values at the core of their relationship, Ms Lieu said. For instance, the unfaithful partner could proactively provide access to their personal devices and social media accounts for transparency, Ms Ling suggested. They should also take care to be responsive to their spouse and to avoid keeping secrets or telling lies, even small ones. In the case of Mr Tan, upon ending his affair, he made concerted efforts to change behaviours that had previously led their relationship to harm. Whenever he went out, he would limit himself to two drinks, update his wife on his location and return home by 10pm if she requested it of him. He also began setting aside time to check on his wife's emotional well-being or needs every day. He said it has helped the couple to create a consistent space for open sharing, where they feel safe to "voice out any negative feelings". Partners should not expect each other to "move on quickly", Ms Ling warned. Instead, it is important for the cheating partner to validate the hurt they caused their partner, express remorse and sit with the discomfort. Be careful not to lose patience, but to allow each other to grieve and process, the relationship coach advised. The unfaithful partner could also initiate activities that allow the couple to create new memories together. Persist in these efforts even if the hurt partner initially rejects them – not to badger them, but to show sincerity. More importantly, couples should not force or expect the relationship to revert to how it was before. 'Sustainable healing means collaborating to create a new normal marked by clearer agreements, richer communication and deeper emotional honesty," Ms Lieu said. 'Many couples might report feeling a more nuanced and enriched emotional connection ultimately – not because of the affair itself, but because of the intentional work that followed it.' Mr and Mrs Tan certainly agreed. Now, more than a year after their mutual decision to salvage their marriage, they said that their reforged relationship is stronger than ever. She said: 'In the past, when we spent time (together) as a family, he was always on the phone, thinking about something else. You could sense that he didn't really want to be there. 'Now, you can tell that he's truly present. His phone is aside. He's playing with the kids. He sees me differently and is more appreciative of the little things that I do." Mr Tan said that overcoming that challenging period together means that the family now feels more confident and able to confront whatever is thrown at them in future.

Search continues after Pakistan building collapse kills 16
Search continues after Pakistan building collapse kills 16

Straits Times

time16 hours ago

  • Straits Times

Search continues after Pakistan building collapse kills 16

Sign up now: Get ST's newsletters delivered to your inbox Rescuers search among the rubble at the site of a building collapse in Karachi, Pakistan, on July 5. KARACHI - Rescue teams in Pakistan worked in searing heat and humidity on July 5 to recover residents trapped under the rubble of a building that collapsed, killing 16 people. The authorities said the building had been declared unsafe and eviction notices were sent to occupants over three years, but landlords and some residents told AFP they had not received them. Residents reported hearing cracking sounds shortly before the apartment block crumbled around 10am on July 4 in Karachi's impoverished Lyari neighbourhood, which was once plagued by gang violence and considered one of the most dangerous areas in Pakistan. The death toll stood at 16 on July 5 , with 13 injured, according to Mr Summiaya Syed, a police surgeon for the provincial health department. 'My daughter is under the rubble,' 54-year-old Dev Raj told AFP at the scene. 'She was my beloved daughter. She was so sensitive but is under the burden of debris. She got married just six months ago.' Rescue teams worked throughout the night, and families said that at least eight people were still believed to be trapped as temperatures climbed to 33 deg Celsius on the morning of July 5 . Top stories Swipe. Select. Stay informed. Singapore Asean needs 'bolder reforms' to attract investments in more fragmented global economy: PM Wong Singapore CPF members can make housing, retirement and health insurance plans with new digital platform Singapore CPF's central philosophy of self-reliance remains as pertinent as ever: SM Lee Asia Dalai Lama hopes to live beyond 130 years, much longer than predicted Sport Liverpool will move on after Jota's tragic death, but he will never be forgotten Singapore Tan Cheng Bock, Hazel Poa step down from PSP leadership; party launches 'renewal plan' Singapore As her muscles weaken, 26-year-old leans on best friend for strength and support Life Japanese food in Singapore under $20: 5 hawker stalls serving restaurant-quality sashimi and donburi A senior district government official, Mr Javed Nabi Khoso, said that notices had been served in 2022, 2023 and 2024 to occupants. 'We don't want to impose our orders by force. We work in phases and send them notices to leave the building. They didn't take the notices seriously,' he told AFP. But Mr Imran Khaskheli, an owner and resident watching the rescue operation on July 5 , denied receiving notices. 'Do you think we are out of our senses to stay in an unsafe building with our families?' he said. He told AFP he had seen cracks in the pillars of the building early on the morning of July 4 . 'I knocked on all the doors and asked families to leave immediately,' he said, adding that around 40 families lived in the building but that many did not heed his warning. More than 50 buildings in the district have been declared unsafe, with six evacuated since yesterday, according to Mr Khoso. 'We are helpless' Mr Abid Jalaluddin Shaikh, leading the government's 1122 rescue service at the scene, told AFP the operation was expected to continue into the evening of July 5 . Many of the victims are believed to be women, who are more likely to be at home during the day. All six members of 70-year-old Jumho Maheshwari's family were in their first-floor apartment when he left for work early in the morning. 'Nothing is left for me now – my family is all trapped and all I can do is pray for their safe recovery,' he said on July 4 . Another resident, Ms Maya Sham Jee, told AFP her brother's family was also trapped under the rubble. 'It's a tragedy for us. The world has been changed for our family,' she said. 'We are helpless and just looking at the rescue workers to bring our loved ones back safely.' Mr Shankar Kamho, a 30-year-old resident, was out at the time when his wife called to say the building was cracking. 'I told her to get out immediately,' he told AFP. 'She went to warn the neighbours, but one woman told her 'this building will stand for at least 10 more years',' he said. 'Still, my wife took our daughter and left. About 20 minutes later, the building collapsed.' AFP

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