I wrote a book on finding happiness. Even now, it's easier than you think.
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How far did the US fall in the world happiness rankings?
The U.S. has dropped to its lowest spot yet on the World Happiness Report. The Nordic countries still dominate the top of the list.
Right after Labor Day, I started on my book tour for "The Joy You Make." In one way, it seemed like the wrong time to extoll the virtues of joy. Whether red, blue or purple, we were all facing the November elections, economic worries, the ongoing war between Israel and Hamas, and for me, in western North Carolina, the devastation left by Hurricane Helene.
To be honest, just writing that long sentence boosted my cortisol levels.
At the same time, I kept hearing from old friends and new acquaintances how much we need joy – more joy! – in these challenging times. I can't forget what Thomas Aquinas, the philosopher and theologian, once said: 'Man cannot live without joy." I believe it to be true – without hope, light or joy – we're lost in the dark, circling the drain.
But then the question would shift, as I was asked repeatedly: 'Is it even possible to find joy right now?'
Joy comes in different forms that we experience daily
Truthfully, I had wondered that myself since I'm certainly no Pollyanna. In fact, I've often been referred to as Eeyore, the gloomy donkey in the "Winnie-the-Pooh" books.
That's to say, by nature, I'm a glass-half-empty kind of guy. But in the two years I spent researching joy, I have to admit my horizons expanded.
At the outset, I thought joy needed fireworks – like New Year's Eve, July Fourth or your wedding night.
As it turns out, big bang joy is just one kind, called 'ecstatic.' There's also what's called 'serene' joy, the kind you experience on a quiet nature walk. There's 'religious' joy, which many experience in a house of worship. There's even 'schadenfreude,' the delight we take in someone else's misfortune, and 'freudenfreude,' its cousin, and the joy we find in someone else's successes or happiness.
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The point I came to understand is that there are so many different kinds of joy, both within us and surrounding us.
Once we realize that, it becomes so much easier to experience joy on a daily basis, even in times like these.
Skeptical? Studies from the recent past, namely during the COVID-19 pandemic, found that a significant majority of us (83% in one case) found 'some' or 'a lot' of joy.
One researcher told me, initially to her surprise, that people were able to find silver linings in their darkest times that helped to create joy.
Community connections get right to the heart
Most vividly, I remember how, during the pandemic, throngs of New Yorkers who came out every evening at 7 p.m. to cheer and clap for the city's first responders. In a poignant video essay, The New York Times captured those early days with photographs and tweets. Among them:
'The cheering that began in late March gives people – from their separate windows, terraces, fire escapes, stoops, and rooftops – a way to connect.'
'Each night, it begins with a few claps, building to a standing ovation for the hundreds of thousands of people saving lives and keeping the city running: health care providers, emergency medical workers, grocery workers, delivery riders.'
The common thread I saw in both those images and words was the importance of community or connection, and gratitude.
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What's making you happy right now?
Recently, I asked my social media followers how they were experiencing joy right now. Here's some of what they told me:
'Hand out granola bars to people standing on the curb who need some kindness. … Being kind is magical.'
'Keeping a gratitude journal. I jot down one thing every day to focus on the positive things in my life.'
'Playing board games with friends'
'Making soup and sharing it with friends'
'Baking, hanging with friends who bring me joy'
'Lots of volunteer work with dogs and cats'
Then, naturally, there were the suggestions that made me smile if not laugh: 'Listening to the predawn song of the crows and doves.' 'Letting a dog stare at me while I eat.' And, 'Duke basketball' (which I'm sure leaves Tar Heel fans anything but joyful).
In short, an easy-to-follow recipe: Connection, helping others, gratitude, kindness, staying active and, yes, consuming lots of calories all help us to find and share joy.
Steven Petrow is a columnist who writes on civility and manners and the author of seven books, including 'The Joy You Make' and "Stupid Things I Won't Do When I Get Old." Follow him on Threads: @mr.steven.petrow
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