‘Aap mandir jao, club jao, dono taraf aapki burai karni hai logo ko': Kajol's golden advice to her kids on dealing with criticism

Indian Express

2 days ago

Kajol and her husband Ajay Devgn have been a part of the Bollywood film industry for many years now, and over the years have developed a thick skin against trolls and haters. However, like all parents, they too are vulnerable to any external onslaught or criticism against their children.
During a recent episode of Sunday Brunch on Curly Tales, when host Kamiya Jani asked if she loses her cool over comments passed at her children, the Dilwale actor calmly replied: 'Of course you get angry, you get upset. But like I told Nysa (her daughter) also, you have to know what you are doing. I said, 'As long as you are comfortable, you have to understand that people will talk about you regardless of what you do.'
'Whether you do right or wrong, aap mandir jao, club jao, dono taraf aapki burai karni hai logo ko (Whether you go to a temple or club, people will speak ill of you). You can't take it so seriously that you worry about it or go mad over it,' added the Maa actor.
But it's not always easy to shrug off criticism and find peace within. Rima Bhandekar, a psychologist at Mpower, Aditya Birla Education Trust, told indianexpress.com that hearing or reading criticism can feel hurtful and linger for days in our minds. 'At times, criticism might seem unfair, harsh, or even impolite. But with a growth mindset, we can handle other people's points of view with elegance and good spirit, and use them as fodder to reinvent ourselves with time,' she said.
'When we hear loud, public criticism about our abilities, instead of shutting down or fighting back, people with a growth mindset take it in like data, and calmly decide to improve where it matters. Growth mindset is like rewriting the script mid-scene, taking the plot to a new direction with more depth. It's the difference between collapsing under pressure and rising through an unpleasant experience,' Bhandekar explained.
She suggested a 3-step process to stand tall against external and unwarranted criticism:
When you receive criticism, try to look at it from a third-person perspective first—'How would a positive influence in my life, someone who is a successful and calm person, treat this criticism?' Then, focus on the useful and actionable parts of the criticism point, trying to separate the tone from the message.
Hearing words that show you in a negative light can cause strong reactions such as anger, shame, frustration, or a feeling of worthlessness. In such times, it is very important to take a moment to mentally pause before reacting. A few deep breaths, talking to someone wise in your circle, writing down answers to self-reflective questions, or taking a quick walk can help you avoid overthinking the criticism.
Respond to disapproval with gratitude and humility. If you can thank the person for their feedback, it will signal that you are open to learning.
Use the critical message as an opportunity to prove yourself to others. Don't let negativity change you from working towards your bigger dreams. If you are told off for not meeting expectations, talk to expert people about how you can advance over time.
According to Bhandekar, it always helps to get a fresh perspective from others to process through the emotions attached to criticism. Recognize that everyone can have an opinion about you, whether you like it or not, and think about yourself through a lens of kindness to avoid excessive self-judgment.