From death certificate to marriage certificate: Journey of HIV-positive Indians

India Today

27-07-2025

Tarun (name changed), a Mumbai resident, was diagnosed HIV-positive and was only given 30 days to live. He defied the prognosis, and has been living with the virus for 23 years now. But back in 2002, the news that someone had tested positive for HIV was nothing short of a death sentence.And, before the virus killed, social rejection and emotional distress killed those with HIV.Tarun has been leading a near-normal life for 23 years, thanks to advancements in antiretroviral therapy (ART), family support and peer network.HIV-positive individuals now have a lifespan that is close to that of uninfected people. It is now, more than ever, that they are seeking companionship for the long road.Tarun, now 46, is healthy, married, and living what he calls "a full life". His wife, Anushka (name changed), is also HIV-positive. Together, they are parents to a biological daughter, who is HIV-negative, and an adopted son.It must be noted that India had an estimated 23.48 lakh people living with the virus in 2019 – the third-highest burden of HIV in the world – according to a National AIDS Control Organisation (Naco) report.Experts India Today Digital spoke to said the country today has around 2.5-3 million HIV-positive people, roughly a third of whom fall in the marriage bracket of 21-35 years."Today, more HIV-positive people are getting married compared to a decade ago," Anjali Gopalan, founder and executive director of The Naz Foundation (India) Trust, told India Today Digital."HIV-positive individuals are now even marrying HIV-negative people," said Gopalan, whose organisation has extensively worked with issues related to HIV/AIDS and sexuality for over three decades.Sumi MK, advocacy officer with Mumbai-based Humsafar Trust, a support group for people living with HIV (PLHIV), also said that marriages among HIV-positive people are on the rise as compared to a decade ago.For HIV-positive individuals, even the way of finding partners is seemingly shifting.HIV-specific online matrimony platforms like HIVParichay.com and Positivesathi.com have emerged. Matrimony major Jeevansathi.com recently launched a section for HIV-positive brides and grooms.However, experts and HIV-positive individuals told India Today Digital that most people from the community seeking partners do so offline, primarily through annual meet-ups organised by Naco. Experts said even the World Health Organisation (WHO) plays a small role in the meet-ups.However, the coming up of online matrimonial platforms and Jeevansathi's exclusive section is a signal of a positive shift in India's HIV/AIDS story.THE JOURNEY FROM DEATH CERTIFICATE TO MARRIAGE CERTIFICATETarun, a chef returning from a cruise-liner job, was diagnosed with HIV during a routine check-up in Mumbai.Shocked and scared, he hid the diagnosis from his mother for nine months. By the time she found out, the doctor had given him 30 days to live. But his mother's support kept him going.As he stuck to medication, a healthier lifestyle and diet, and regular check-ups, Tarun's immunity and outlook improved. He left his job as a chef, fearing a simple kitchen injury could stir a panic about HIV transmission, and took up work at a call centre instead.As years passed, he became a peer counsellor too.One day, he was asked to speak with an HIV-positive woman from Raipur who had faced abuse from her in-laws after losing her husband to AIDS. He didn't expect that this woman, by the end of counselling, would become his friend, and ultimately his wife.Tarun might have found his life partner by chance while counselling, but most HIV-positive people find their spouses either at meet-ups or the matrimonial sites that have come up.HIV-POSITIVE COUPLES AND SAFE CHILDBIRTHThe journey of Tarun and Anushka, both HIV-positive individuals, helps us understand some of the struggles that such couples face.After marriage, childbirth is where they faced the next big challenge."When we planned to have a baby, many hospitals turned us away because we were both HIV-positive," Tarun said. "The discrimination came from everyone – receptionists, ward boys, nurses, and even doctors."The couple were wrongly told they couldn't have an HIV-negative child."If the mother is HIV-positive, she is placed on lifelong antiretroviral therapy (ART) to suppress the virus to undetectable levels. With proper adherence, this reduces the risk of transmission to the baby to less than 1%," Dr Rashmi Singh, a Delhi-based medicine specialist, told India Today Digital."During childbirth, if the mother's viral load is under control, a vaginal delivery is also considered safe, but just to be sure, most gynaecologists recommend a C-section delivery," she added.Explaining the process after the baby is delivered, Singh said, "After birth, the infant is given preventive medication for several weeks, and is monitored through regular HIV testing up to 18 months of age."In cases where only the father is HIV-positive, Singh added, "Assisted reproductive technologies such as sperm washing followed by intrauterine insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilisation (IVF) can be used. These methods ensure that the virus is not present in the sperm used for conception, preventing transmission to both the mother and child."MANAGING HIV WITHIN A MARRIAGEHowever, couples with HIV need to be extra careful about unprotected sex even if both are living with the virus.Tarun told India Today Digital that he and his wife planned their pregnancy under the close supervision of a gynaecologist, as he cannot have regular unprotected sex despite having his viral load under control. His semen could still affect his wife's CD4 count – a key indicator of immune health in people living with HIV.But today, with ART, many people can restore and maintain normal CD4 levels.In Tarun's case, regular monitoring of both viral load and CD4 count helped guide safe family planning.It must also be noted that India's ART programme is one of the world's most cost-effective and accessible. First-line ART medicines can cost around Rs 1,500-Rs 2,000 per month at private institutions, but under Naco, the government provides them free of charge.LIVING WITH HIV: BEYOND THE VIRAL LOADDespite being cost-effective today and offering a high chance of leading a normal life, living with HIV within a relationship still comes with its own set of emotional and practical challenges.In serodiscordant couples, where only one partner is HIV-positive, the HIV-negative partner may have to make certain adjustments, especially around trust and physical intimacy, such as barely being able to have unprotected sex, and other lifestyle adjustments involving diet.Naz Foundation's Anjali Gopalan said, "When there is openness and honesty about one's HIV status, many couples are able to make it work. With the right support and counselling, people often choose to focus on the relationship and the bond they share, rather than the condition."Finding a partner, however, remains one of the biggest hurdles.Sumi MK of the Humsafar Trust points out, "Most people living with HIV try to find a partner who is also HIV positive. Though marriage rates have improved, the success rate at community HIV melawas (fair, in Marathi) is still just 1-2%."Melawas are the Naco-organised community meet-ups held in Maharashtra. Similar meet-ups, known by different local names, are held annually in cities across India. Experts say these are typically low-key events, drawing around 100–150 attendees each.Tarun, now married and actively involved in the HIV-positive community as a counsellor, says he attends the melawa across Maharashtra, to connect with others and offer support.Another common way people intending to get married meet is through word-of-mouth, especially via counsellors who interact with people living with HIV and often pass along information when they hear someone is looking for a partner."I have helped four couples get married by informally playing matchmaker," Tarun told India Today Digital.Tarun, who has attended nearly every community meet-up in Maharashtra in the past several years, said, "Around 80% of those who turn up at these events are men. This gender disparity is one of the reasons why the success rate of melawas leading to marriage remains so low."Both Sumi MK and Tarun noted that even older individuals seek companionship and long-term relationships are often spotted at the community meet-ups. Online HIV matrimony portals offer some hope, but their reach is seemingly limited.Tarun, who helps facilitate such meet-ups, says, "Many people come from underprivileged backgrounds and aren't tech-savvy enough to maintain a profile. The emotional toll of living with HIV also means many don't always stay active on these platforms."Other social factors persist as well."Even within the HIV-positive community, people often seek partners from the same caste," Tarun added. "I once introduced two individuals from the Patil community, but the girl's parents insisted on the same sub-caste, and the match fell through."While stigma and practical hurdles remain, the journey of people living with HIV is no longer defined by fear or isolation. With stronger treatment options, growing awareness, and supportive communities, HIV-positive individuals are reclaiming their right to live, and love.- EndsMust Watch
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