‘Should I tell my wife that I'm a crossdresser after more than 20 years together?'
Should I tell my wife I'm a crossdresser? I've kept this part of me secret since childhood and through our marriage. I really haven't had much opportunity to explore this part of myself but it has always been there. Over the past year or so, I've bought my own clothes, make-up and wig and taken some time when home alone to dress. More recently I've found some community with other crossdressers online, sharing photos and chatting. I've enjoyed this sense of connection and recognition. My wife and I are happy, we have three beautiful kids, good careers and share interests in the outdoors and travel. Our values and priorities are aligned and we make a good team. We also love each other very much and have been together for more than 20 years. But I'm pretty certain she would reject this side of me – I don't think she would accept me expressing myself through crossdressing, but more so because of the deceit. I should have told her about this – before we married and had kids, and before I took the next step of engaging online.
So my dilemma is: do I keep this secret? I don't think I can stop completely, but I've kept it secret for almost 40 years since childhood, so why not for another 40? On the other hand, I know my mental health is suffering from keeping secrets, and if there was acceptance at the other end of what would be a difficult process then I know I would be happier. But at what cost? Do I have the right to shatter my wife's image of me as a good husband, father and partner for something so selfish? Is it possible to stop or even keep it secret indefinitely? I'm worried if speaking this truth will open up a path to something else. I don't know what to do.
There's an emotional line running through your letter, underneath the question of whether to tell your wife about your crossdressing. It's something deeper, more painful: the fear that doing so will collapse the image she holds of you. You're afraid that being honest will somehow undo your role as a good husband, father, or man. Let's be very clear: it doesn't. This part of you doesn't cancel the rest of you. You are still good, still worthy, still lovable, still the same devoted partner and parent. That remains true, whatever comes next.
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You carry guilt for not telling her sooner – before marriage, children, private exploration – and that's understandable. But it's also understandable why you didn't. You chose secrecy not out of malice but out of fear, out of shame, out of a cultural world that tells men like you that femininity is weakness and gender play is deviance. Most of us were never given the tools to talk about this stuff in real time. You were trying to protect the life you were building. That doesn't make you malicious, that makes you human.
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'Why does my husband act like this? An affair I could deal with'
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You also feared that speaking this truth might start something you couldn't control, and that it would lead somewhere unknown. And that's probably true. Opening this door may indeed lead you to learn new things about yourself, your needs, your desires. But those discoveries aren't threats – they're invitations to a deeper, fuller and ultimately more sustainable self. Self-suppression has a cost, and you're already paying it: in mental health, in emotional loneliness, in the wear and tear of hiding. You've lived so much of your life for others. But your needs matter too. To feel truly loved, you have to be fully seen.
Let's pause here and say this clearly: crossdressing does not automatically say anything about your sexuality or gender identity. It means wearing clothing typically associated with another gender – something that's been heavily policed for men in particular. People crossdress for many reasons: comfort, play, expression, eroticism, identity, artistry or joy. It doesn't make you any less of a man, or any more of a woman. It simply means you're exploring a side of yourself that deserves compassion and space.
Crossdressing challenges an arbitrary gender binary – this rigid system that says men must act one way, dress one way, feel one way, and women another. It's a system that's deeply cultural, not natural, and it harms everyone by limiting how we get to be human. Crossdressing is well overdue destigmatisation. It's kind of pathetic and silly when you break it down. It's just clothes. If our patriarchal society wasn't so deeply threatened by gender fluidity, it wouldn't be an issue. And if the gender binary was really so natural and innate, we wouldn't have to police it to such ridiculous levels. You are not doing something shameful or unnatural, you are stepping into a fuller expression of your humanity.
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'I got back with my partner after breaking up with him but I am still plagued by doubts'
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The fear that your wife might grieve or recoil isn't irrational. She may feel grief – not necessarily because you crossdress, but because she'll need to reorient her picture of your inner world. That's okay. That's part of real intimacy. None of us stay exactly who we were when we first fell in love. The people we marry will change. Long-term love makes room for evolution. Relationships thrive not by avoiding change but by meeting each other with honesty and care when change happens.
You fear ruining her and your children's image of you. But what if, instead of ruining it, you're giving her the gift of knowing you more truly? What if her image of you as a 'good man' becomes even richer – because it now includes courage, vulnerability, complexity and honesty? What if your experience of parenting becomes more meaningful because you're teaching your children how to love and respect everyone around them as they are; teaching them that just like you, their identities and realities deserve love and support; and teaching them that the world and human beings are so much more rich and beautiful and complicated than patriarchy's small, rigid boxes – and that that's gorgeous?
If she struggles with the secrecy, explain that you didn't hide this to deceive her, but to protect yourself
When you're considering whether to share something this personal with someone you love, especially after so many years of holding it in, it's not just about disclosure – it's about connection. About finally bringing a part of yourself out of the dark in the hope that your relationship can hold it. That kind of truth-telling takes courage, and it also benefits from preparation.
Before you talk to your wife, take time to reflect on what crossdressing means to you. Is it private? Creative? Sexual? Do you want her involvement or just her understanding? The clearer you are, the more safely you can guide the conversation. Frame it as an act of trust, not a confession. Something like, 'This has been part of me for a long time, and I've been scared to share it. But I trust you, and I want to be known more fully.' You're not detonating your marriage – you're opening a door to deeper connection.
Expect emotion. She may feel confused, hurt, even betrayed, not necessarily because of what you're sharing, but because it's new and unexpected. You've had a lifetime to make peace with this. She hasn't. Give her space, stay present, and don't confuse discomfort with rejection. She may have questions, and it could help to have resources to offer a gentle path to understanding – articles, stories or media that show this is a real, human experience lived by many in healthy, loving relationships.
Tell her what's not changing: your love, your role as partner and parent, your commitment to her. That reassurance matters. If she struggles with the secrecy, explain that you didn't hide this to deceive her, but to protect yourself from a world that told you this part of you wasn't acceptable. You're not asking her to bear the burden of that shame – you're asking her to help you put it down.
A couples therapist who is informed about gender identity, expression, and nontraditional relationship dynamics can be an invaluable guide.
Letting this part of you breathe may feel risky, but it's also a step towards being fully known. That's where deeper love begins. Good luck.
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Irish Times
2 hours ago
- Irish Times
‘My friend's affair with a married man is destroying our friendship'
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Irish Times
4 hours ago
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Only children: ‘I have great colleagues, some are as close to me as any family members I could wish for'
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Irish Times
21 hours ago
- Irish Times
US to destroy almost $10m in contraceptives rather than send abroad for women in need
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However, the aide who visited the warehouse said that the earliest expiration date they saw on the contraceptives was 2027, and that two-thirds of the contraceptives did not have any USAid labels that would need to be rebranded. The eradication of the contraceptives is part of the Trump administration's months-long demolition of the Agency for International Development (USAid), the largest funding agency for humanitarian and development aid in the world. After the unofficial 'department of Government efficiency' (Doge) erased 83 per cent of USAID's programmes, Rubio announced in June that USAID's entire international workforce would be abolished and its foreign assistance programs would be moved to the state department. The agency will be replaced by an organisation called United States First. In total, the funding cuts to USAid could lead to more than 14 million additional deaths by 2030, according to a recent study published in the journal the Lancet. A third of those deaths could be children. 'If you have an unintended pregnancy and you end up having to seek unsafe abortion, it's quite likely that you will die,' said Sarah Shaw, the associate director of advocacy at MSI Reproductive Choices, a global family planning organisation that works in nearly 40 countries. 'If you're not given the means to space or limit your births, you're putting your life at risk or your child's life at risk.' The fact that the contraceptives are going to be burned when there's so much need – it's just egregious Sar Shaw, MSI Reproductive Choices MSI tried to purchase the contraceptives from the US Government, Ms Shaw said. But the Government would only accept full price – which Shaw said the agency could not afford, given that MSI would also have to shoulder the expense of transportingthe contraceptives and the fact that they are inching closer to their expiration date, which could affect MSI's ability to distribute them. The state department spokesperson did not specifically respond to a request for comment on Ms Shaw's allegation, but MSI does provide abortions as part of its global work, which may have led the department to rule it out as an 'eligible buyer'. In an internal survey, MSI programs in 10 countries reported that, within the next month, they expect to be out of stock or be on the brink of being out of stock of at least one contraceptive method. The countries include Burkina Faso, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Mali, Ethiopia, Nigeria, Tanzania, Timor-Leste, Senegal, Kenya and Sierra Leone. Ms Shaw expects the stock to be incinerated. 'The fact that the contraceptives are going to be burned when there's so much need – it's just egregious,' she said. 'It's disgusting.' The Department of State spokesperson did not respond to a request for information on the planned method of destruction. The destruction of the contraceptives is, to Ms Shaw, emblematic of the overall destruction of a system that once provided worldwide help to women and families. USAid funding is threaded through so much of the global supply chain of family planning aid that, without its money, the chain has come apart. In Mali, Ms Shaw said, USAid helped pay for the gas used by the vehicles that transport contraceptives from a warehouse. Without the gas money, the vehicles were stuck – and so were the contraceptives. 'I've worked in this sector for over 20 years and I've never seen anything on this scale,' Ms Shaw said. 'The speed at which they've managed to dismantle excellent work and really great progress – I mean, it's just vanished in weeks.' Food waste Other kinds of assistance are also reportedly being wasted. This week, the Atlantic reported that almost 500 metric tons of emergency food were expiring and would be incinerated, rather than being used to feed about 1.5 million children in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Meanwhile, almost 800,000 Mpox vaccines that were supposed to be sent to Africa are now unusable because they are too close to their expiration date, according to Politico. The cuts to foreign aid are slated to deepen. Early on Friday morning, Congress passed a bill to claw back roughly $8 billion that had been earmarked for foreign assistance. 'It's not just about an empty shelf,' Ms Shaw said. 'It's about unfulfilled potential. It's about a girl having to drop out of school. It's about someone having to seek an unsafe abortion and risking their lives. That's what it's really about.' – Guardian
