We're a real gypsy family of 29 people – traditions people don't know including why we jump over brooms & burn caravans

The Sun

2 days ago

A FAMILY of Romani Gypsies have lifted the lid on their 'proud' traditions, busting myths peddled by TV shows and revealing how life revolves around food, family - and bleach.
The family of 15 adults and 14 children, who have established a permanent camp at the disused Wigmore Coach Park off the M2 in Kent, said misconceptions thanks to shows like My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding often paint them in an unfavourable light.
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Oldy Herring - who is now the elder of the family unit at 67 but was once the youngest - and his wife Tina say 'nonsense' fake traditions such as 'grabbing' at Gypsy weddings are made up and offensive.
Oldy insists that, in reality, if a young Gypsy tried to grab a young woman at a wedding he'd get little more than a black eye from her family for his lack of respect.
Instead, the couple explained that Romani Gypsy culture revolves around family, respect for elders, religion, storytelling, animals, cleanliness, charity and community.
The family - who live with a whole host of animals - recently won the right to permanently stay at the former park and ride after winning a landmark case against Medway Council - which spent as much as £100,000 in taxpayer money fighting the case.
But they say the only reason people don't want to live alongside them is that they know so little about them and their rich culture.
However, due to reports of 'Gypsies' causing trouble across the country, the families say they're often 'tarred with the same brush'.
"I have kept my family together all of my life," Oldy, who has 18 great-grandchildren and around the same number of grandchildren, adding: "There's a birthday every week!
"We've got feelings and we've got respect for ourselves and decency for other people. We have been like that all our lives.
"But people look down on us like we have just come from Mars.
"We are rough and ready, but any one of you can have bread and cheese with us - we are human.
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"People who put their noses up at us, all I say is: come and find out who we are. We just try and keep ourselves to ourselves.
"They give us a bad name until they get to know us, then they realise we are not like they think we are.
"People are frightened by the myth. We've just got a bad name."
Despite settling down at the Kent site, Oldy - who admits never having been to school in his life - says the family will continue their Romani Gypsy traditions that have been around for centuries.
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MARRIAGE TRADITIONS
He explained that marriages and funerals are the big calendar occasions, as well as Christmas.
The jumping of the broomstick, where newly married couples go hand-in-hand over a brush, is a wedding tradition that lives on.
And despite mostly keeping it in the Romani Gypsy community, there's no rules against marrying outsiders.
"We try to marry in the Roma community, but you don't have to," Oldy said.
"Once [outsiders] are in, they often don't want to leave.
"Once you are married, you are married for life. And the girls go and live with their husbands and their families."
"Girls have got to be kept pure until they are married," Oldy's wife, Tina, added.
"Everyone travels to be together for weddings and funerals. Everyone will come from miles around."
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TV BACKLASH
However, Oldy says shows such as My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding have peddled offensive falsities about some supposed traditions.
The controversial act of 'grabbing' seen on the show, where young men throw women over their shoulders to force a kiss, is one myth Oldy wanted to bust.
"We don't believe in that; that's just something the young boys started doing," he said.
"That Big Gypsy Weddings show… It's a load of nonsense. That brought on the misconceptions - it's all put on.
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"If you tried to grab a Gypsy girl at a wedding, you would get a punch: that's disrespecting that woman."
"Lots of things were wrong on that show," Tina agreed.
"Religion is a big part of our culture. Everybody believes in the Lord and bringing kids up with Christian values."
Tina added that charity was also a big part of the culture.
"Because we know what it's like to not have any bread in you, or not to have a roof over your head," Oldy rejoined.
"If we see someone who needs help, we help them. We can't understand why people don't do the same for us."
KEEPING CLEAN
Keeping a clean home is also essential to their way of life, with Tina crediting it for helping to stop the spread of diseases in their community.
"We like a bottle of bleach and always have done," she said. "A lot of people only use bleach in their toilets, but we use it everywhere.
"We've got funny beliefs and strict rules."
Another of these beliefs, Tina explained, is that toilets and showers inside their caravans are never used, saying: "Never in a million years do you use the toilet or shower in your caravan.
"It's too close to your sink."
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Instead they use publicly available shower blocks and toilets, or facilities in gyms and pubs.
Oldy adds that he would pray their next site would be clean when he was a young boy, as it was always his job to clear it.
"And people have the cheek to say, 'Dirty, stinking gypsies'," he said.
Tina also revealed a lesser-known tradition after the passing of loved ones in the Romani Gypsy community, saying: "When you die, if there's no one to live in your caravan, the caravan gets burned."
Animals and storytelling also play big roles in Romani Gypsy life.
"Because we couldn't read or write, we told stories," Oldy said.
"Animals are a big part of our lives; the country is our lives, and we love the country."
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DISHING UP
Food, as in most cultures, also plays a huge part in bringing together the family for evening meals.
'Old-fashioned' dishes, like meat puddings and rice puddings, are cooked in centuries-old cast-iron pots that have cooked thousands of meals over the years.
The ancient pots hang in an open shed on the family's site, under which a young Jack Russell puppy barks below a framed photo of the Kray twins, who were of Romani descent.
Tina explained that the pots - always heated over dead wood, which 'doesn't smoke' - lock the taste and smell of the food cooked in them.
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"Meat's a big part of our diet," Tina said. "I have never met a vegetarian gypsy in my life."
Despite a reputation for violence and bare-knuckle boxing, Oldy claims that the majority of the time, disputes are settled with words rather than fists.
Their Christian values also encourage them to help out others in need, such as motorists who've broken down near their site.
Tina also recalled stepping in during the beating of a young girl, who she took in and cleaned up after intervening.
This is the first time the family have been granted permission to stay permanently at a site, meaning their children can continue studying at local schools.
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"All we want is somewhere to stop," Oldy continued. "We keep it clean and tidy and nobody has complained about us.
"We went to the courts and won our case. We are a quiet family and we are willing to pay our way. We pay to stay here, for the bins and the toilets.
"Our children love the school here. I have never been to school in my life. It's not because we're stupid, it's because we've not had a place to call home.
"The kids ask with their homework, 'Is this right?' and I say, 'You tell me!'.
"I am trying to bring my children up the best way I can.
"There's a lot of people who think travelling is a good way of life.
"You've got to be born with this and it goes through generations.
"I am so proud of being a gypsy. There's good and bad, but they all paint us with the same brush."
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LONG-TERM HOME
Having spent their lives up until now constantly on the move, only looking for a new site 'once we got bored', the family is now content to stay at the Wigmore Coach Park site, saying it's become more and more difficult to keep moving.
Oldy said the kids are 'over the moon' at being able to have birthday parties, which they were reluctant to have whilst moving around for fear of being moved on - with Tina saying they were once moved on three times one Christmas Eve.
The family recalls horrific instances of racism against their people in decades gone by, with Oldy claiming a police officer once told him: "Hitler had the right idea with you; they should've shot you all."
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Other horror stories include burning tyres being rolled under caravans in which children slept and having pesticide purposefully sprayed on them and their belongings.
Tina also recounts children's nursery rhymes warning against 'playing with Gypsies', saying this added fuel to the fire of people's perception of them.
Cllr Satinder Shokar, of Medway Council, who has supported the families at the Wigmore Coach Park site 'from day one', says he's personally seen evidence of racism against the families from the authorities.
"What I realised as a councillor was that the racism within organisations is institutionalised racism," he said.
"There's not anywhere we didn't encounter it. We felt it important that their voices were heard.
"[Being granted permanent residence at the Wigmore site] is another key victory for these families, offering further hope after years of repeated planning refusals.
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"With over 90 per cent of applications refused nationwide, until these figures change, the long-term trend of cultural apartheid against the Gypsy, Roma and Traveller community will persist."
It was revealed recently that cash-strapped Medway Council spent as much as £100,000 in taxpayer money on court fees fighting against the family's right to remain at the site.
Oldy says he doesn't blame outsiders for their misinformed, stereotypical perception of his people.
A closer look at gypsy traditions
HERE we take a look at some of the traditions many gypsies follow...
Family-Centric Living: The family is the cornerstone of Romani life, with extended families often living close to one another. Elders are highly respected and play a crucial role in decision-making and maintaining cultural traditions.
Nomadic Heritage: Many Gypsy communities maintain a semi-nomadic lifestyle, moving seasonally to find work or attend cultural gatherings. This tradition is deeply rooted in their history and identity.
Distinctive Décor: Romani homes, whether they are caravans or fixed abodes, are often brightly decorated with vibrant colours and intricate patterns. These decorations reflect their rich cultural heritage and love for beauty.
Communal Gatherings: Social gatherings are a significant part of Gypsy life. Celebrations, such as weddings and religious festivals, are grand affairs involving music, dance, and feasting, often stretching over several days.
Spiritual Practices: Many Gypsy families incorporate a blend of Christian beliefs and traditional spiritual practices. Homes may feature religious icons and amulets believed to offer protection and bring good fortune.
Craftsmanship and Artistry: Romani people are renowned for their craftsmanship, particularly in metalwork, woodwork, and textiles. These skills are often passed down through generations and are a source of both pride and livelihood.
Hospitality: Hospitality is a valued tradition. Guests are treated with great respect and generosity, often being offered the best food and drink available as a sign of honour and goodwill.
Sharing Stories: Storytelling is a vital part of Romani culture, preserving history, morals, and lessons through generations. Elders often share tales that are both entertaining and educational.
He says those who give his people a bad name, leaving trails of rubbish behind them after festivals and gatherings, often aren't even Gypsies but just 'like the way of life' and are 'lost'.
Oldy said the same could also be said of many of those outside the Gypsy community, saying: "There's no respect.
"I think they've just lost their way, but there's nothing wrong with them.
"Respect for the elders is a big thing for us: respect your parents and grandparents.
"We don't believe in letting our children go. That's our job, from the moment I got my eldest son.
"Our way of life is coming to an end. But we don't want our tradition and culture to end.
"We are holding our hands up and saying, 'We want to stay here'.
"This is paradise for us. Just stopping here... It's like winning the lottery.
"They are realising we are human beings."