Woman Wonders If She Should Tell Her 18-Year-Old Younger Brother That Their Dad Cheated on Their Mom
The 21-year-old shared on Reddit that her 18-year-old brother blames their mom for "ruining the family" because she had a brief emotional affair that led to the divorce
But the Redditor knows something her brother doesn't — her dad had a physical affair first — and she wonders whether she should tell him "the real version of what happened"A woman is unsure if she should tell her younger brother "the real version" of what led to their parents' divorce.
The 21-year-old woman shared her story in a post on Reddit's "Am I the A------" forum, explaining that her parents split three years ago and are in the process of divorcing. Since the separation, her 18-year-old brother has been living with their mom, and she has been residing with her dad.
"Both my parents are very tense and are not civil during these proceedings," the OP (original poster) noted of the current state of affairs.
When the couple announced their divorce, the OP learned that it was precipitated by her mom having "an emotional affair for a few months." Her brother now blames their mom for "ruining the family," and he is no longer speaking to her.
The OP's father is also blaming his estranged wife for breaking up their family and is "one of the driving reasons" why her brother and mother's relationship has fractured.
But, according to the OP, her teen sibling doesn't know the full story.
"I know that my dad had a physical affair before this occurred and had heard him and his [affair partner] being physical in the house while my mother was home. However, my dad does not know this information, or that I know he has cheated," she revealed.
Now, the OP is grappling with whether or not to tell her younger brother "the real reason our family fell apart." Seeking advice from fellow Redditors, she went on to share a few details that warrant consideration.
She said the divorce is causing considerable "financial stress" for her parents, particularly her mom, who "could lose lots of money."
In addition, she continued, "My mom is aware I know of the affair but is worried about any implications of telling anyone." Making the situation even more sticky for her mom, the OP said, many people who have "chosen" her dad's side in the divorce are aware of the affair.
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In the comments section, many readers told the OP that her brother deserves to know the truth.
"I'd normally say stay out of relationship issues that aren't yours, but your parents have made their mess your problem, and it is now affecting your relationship with your brother. A child has no moral obligation to lie to protect their parent, especially when it comes at the cost of their relationship with their sibling," one person wrote.
"Absolutely tell your brother the truth," another agreed. "Your dad is using this to gaslight EVERYONE."
Another commenter suggested that the OP tell her brother with their father present. "Tell dad and brother together — that way dad can't lie, and brother has the full story," they wrote.
"For your peace of mind, you have to say something before there is a divide so wide it cannot be repaired. And it will possibly minimize the hurt your brother will feel when he learns you knew this and kept it from him," the same person added.
Others, however, urged the OP to tread carefully for the sake of her mother's "peace" and "position" amid the divorce proceedings.
"I completely understand your urge to tell your brother. Both so he has all the information, to show the hypocrisy of your dad, and to encourage his relationship with your mum," someone wrote. "But if telling him now hurts your mum, costs her her peace, her time, her money during the divorce — hold fire. Protect your mom by keeping receipts, and tell [your brother] once your mom is clear of proceedings."
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