It's been 15 years since I was paralyzed at my bachelorette party. How I'm doing now — and why I'm no longer friends with the bridesmaid who pushed me into a pool.
A lot has changed for Chapman since that night 15 years ago. She got married (a year later than planned). She became a mother. And she's made a name for herself as a social media influencer and disability rights advocate. In this interview with Yahoo Life's Korin Miller, the 39-year-old opens up about the story behind the story, from the misconceptions she faces as a quadriplegic mom to the health complications she's currently dealing with as she tries for a second baby. She also shares how her marriage is still going strong — but she's had to let go of her old friendships along the way.
When I was just a year out of college, I felt like my life was perfect. I was teaching senior citizens aerobics and line dancing, and I was engaged to my best friend, Chris. I had even bought a house with a picket fence with my fiancé. Our wedding was about four weeks away when everything changed.
My bachelorette party was on May 23 in Virginia Beach, Va. At the end of the night, a bunch of us decided to go for a swim. It was still chilly out and I was on the side of the pool, afraid to jump in because it looked so cold. In a playful gesture, a friend came and pushed me. I ended up hitting my head in the shallow end of the pool. Instantly, all of the feeling went out of my body. I had broken my neck.
My friends pulled me to the surface and I remember looking down, seeing my legs dangling in the water and thinking, I don't feel that at all. I was paralyzed from the chest down.
Here's what happened next.
I was taken to the hospital, where I stayed in the intensive care unit for 10 days. That was followed by two and a half months of rehab at a different hospital. Chris and I celebrated what would have been our wedding day in the hospital with about 20 family and friends. We wanted to make it as happy a day as possible, but I felt depressed the day after. That's when we were supposed to be on our honeymoon, and I was in the hospital.
Chris and I waited a year after the accident to get married because we faced high medical bills, and we were trying to figure things out. There was a lot of media attention after the accident, and a company came forward and offered to pay for our wedding and honeymoon. It was an amazing experience.
There was a period of time when all of the excitement was over. Before that, I had a lot to focus on: I was in the media, I was planning this wedding and all of a sudden, I was just ... home. I had a moment where I was like, 'Oh, this injury is definitely permanent. That sucks.'
But that didn't last forever. Chris and I have always had a strong relationship and I couldn't imagine us not being together forever. Together, we explored new activities. We did a long bike ride called Cycle to the Sea from Charlotte, N.C., to Myrtle Beach, S.C. I used an adaptive bike. I also took up a bunch of other sports we could play together, like adaptive tennis. We even went skydiving together, but my main sport was wheelchair rugby; that was my life for a decade after my accident.
I can move my arms and wrists, pick things up and manipulate them, and I quickly discovered that wheelchair rugby was a fun sport. Chris got into it by being a referee. So, I would go to tournaments and he would ref. We did that every single weekend for at least 10 years. I'm trying to get back into it.
Chris and I had our daughter, Kaylee, via surrogate in 2015. In my situation, you can have babies, but I was on medication for my low blood pressure, and my doctors recommended against it. I put it out there that I was looking for a surrogate, and a girl that I knew in college reached out and said she wanted to do it. She was our surrogate for no monetary benefit and was amazing.
Since having Kaylee, I've gotten a lot of ignorant comments on social media about how someone in a wheelchair can't be a mom or that I was selfish for having a child. My skin is thick, but I hate that there's this misconception for people with disabilities. These kids have great parents. All of my wheelchair rugby teammates now have kids, and they're amazing. These kids learn compassion so easily, and they're natural helpers.
I've always been able to be the mom I wanted to be. I was always the one to put Kaylee to sleep at night, and sometimes I would just put her in my wheelchair and roll her around to help her doze off.
Of course, there were some difficulties, but we had a village to help us. My mom lives with us and would do things like help me change diapers. My wrists work, but my fingers don't, so I have to manipulate things to pick them up. When I couldn't use my hands, she was my hands.
I used to be able to say that the people I was friends with at my bachelorette party were still my friends. But around the time that Kaylee was born, things went south with the woman who pushed me in the pool and my other best friend. I was very supportive and protective of the friend who had pushed me. I still will never say her name publicly. I also turned down things like appearing on Oprah, who would only have me on if we both went on the show. I did everything I could to protect her and I feel like a lot of focus was on her after the accident because she was distraught. I did everything I could to say, 'It's OK. It's not your fault.'
But when I had my down moment after the wedding, things started to go downhill. I wanted to go out to dinner and be distracted with my friends, and they weren't there for me. About a year after my wedding, they just started to leave me out of everything and lie about why they couldn't do things with me. I also learned they were talking about me behind my back. Eventually, the girl who pushed me said that our financial problems were our fault because Chris chose to be a teacher. I wanted to say, 'No, actually, they're because I'm paralyzed,' but I didn't. Later, my other best friend told me that the accident was my fault.
I ultimately lost those two close friends. I'm not sure if I would have lost them anyway, but I still mourn those relationships a lot. I'm very fortunate that I've found a new community in women from my wheelchair rugby team and beyond.
I have been the luckiest spinal cord injury patient for the last 15 years. I don't think people realize all the things that can happen to our bodies. A lot of people suffer from pressure wounds or awful UTIs that can become septic and kill them. I have not had one single problem. I've been so lucky.
But things changed after Chris and I decided that we want to try to have another baby. I tried to find a surrogate that I could afford but haven't had any luck. I don't have any health problems — my blood pressure regulated itself, so I stopped needing blood pressure medication — so I decided to do this myself.
I stopped taking birth control and started taking estrogen — we have three frozen embryos and the plan was to use them. But I've had intense complications, like my whole body suddenly getting tight and my blood pressure soaring, leaving me feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack. I've also had intense pain in my core, which is not supposed to happen. I'm a complete quadriplegic; I'm not supposed to feel anything below the collarbone.
I've been to the hospital multiple times and sent home multiple times without answers. I still don't know what's behind this, but I can't ignore the fact that it may be related to hormones. So, I've stopped the hormones. I'm devastated over that because I want to be able to experience pregnancy and my daughter wants a sibling so badly. I'm back to my last chance of maybe finding a surrogate; that's what I'm focused on right now.
Chris and I have the best marriage, and we even renewed our vows on our 10-year anniversary. We both hear comments a lot that Chris is a 'saint' for staying with someone who is paralyzed, and, don't get me wrong, he's amazing. But he's also human. So am I.
Yes, I'm paralyzed, but I'm still the person who I was before. There are things that I'm there for for him, and I keep everything organized in our home. We are a partnership. I couldn't imagine doing anything in life without him, and he feels the same way.
While a lot has changed in 15 years, I feel lucky. I just want people to know that you can be injured and still have a happy family. That's exactly what we are today.
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