Retired social worker travels to listen — and remind strangers they're not alone
Image: Supplied
PAUL Jenkinson isn't a therapist. He doesn't write in a notebook, charge by the hour or offer solutions. Instead, he sits in parks, coffee shops and community centers, with a sign that says: 'You are not alone. I will listen.'
Jenkinson, 70, is a retired social worker from Nova Scotia, and he is on what he calls a 'listening tour' across Canada. 'I'm creating a safe space, inviting people in and then listening carefully to what they're saying,' Jenkinson said. 'It's total, unconditional acceptance. No judging. No shaming.'Jenkinson retired in 2017 and was looking for ways to engage with others - and possibly help them.
'I thought I would really like to do something that is positive, that is inviting, that allows me to travel the country … to use my skills that I have for the benefit of the community,' Jenkinson said. 'I have professional knowledge, but I also have lived experience; I have sorrow and grief and tragedy and those kinds of things that are just part of the life journey.'
Jenkinson set out on his tour on May 1, and he intends to make it to British Columbia by winter. He is traveling from east to west in his Subaru Forester. 'I'm not going anywhere in a hurry,' said Jenkinson.
The same is true for his conversations with strangers. Jenkinson said there is no time limit on how long he will listen; people can stop and chat with him for as long or as little as they like. 'I am available to listen,' he said. 'But only if you want me to.' Jenkinson sets up his listening station in public spaces and stays there for several hours a day. Most often, passersby give him a smile or waive when they see the sign, then carry on without approaching. Others, though, will stop to talk. So far, Jenkinson said, he has had conversations with about 45 people on a range of topics - including tragedies and triumphs. 'I hear it all,' Jenkinson said.
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He's spoken with parents who feel alienated from their adult children, people struggling with addiction, people falling in love, people contemplating their future and people grieving. A few days ago, a man approached him with his young daughter. The man's wife had died on Mother's Day.
'I have a child who died on Mother's Day,' said Jenkinson, explaining that his adult daughter died in 2007. 'You can imagine the gut-wrenching realization that we're sitting in the same space.'
While many of the people he talks to are struggling in some way, others use their conversation as an opportunity to celebrate something in their lives. 'Somebody might sit down and just tell me the most wonderful thing that happened recently,' Jenkinson said. 'Life is not all sorrow and challenges. It's actually pretty beautiful some of the time.'
On average, people will sit with Jenkinson for about 30 minutes, he said. Jenkinson will not counsel them or give clinical advice - he will just listen. People of all ages have stopped by. People tell Jenkinson they find sharing their problems with him to be cathartic, he said. They usually come to a conclusion or solution on their own. 'My general understanding over all the years of work is that the person actually has a pretty good idea of what would help them move forward,' Jenkinson said. 'They're the experts in their own situation.'
'This is a skill, to assist people in ways that they might move forward that they would be comfortable with, without giving advice,' he added. 'I'm helping them acknowledge what they're capable of.'
Jenkinson said he believes everyone should have a therapist - and what he is doing is not therapy. He likened himself to a stranger on an airplane 'who you're never going to see again.' This gives people the freedom to share whatever is on their mind. Nothing is off limits. I let people know you can share anything, and it will sit with me,' Jenkinson said.
Jenkinson recognizes that what he is doing is unconventional. Sometimes, people who see the sign seem wary. 'Initially, they wonder: 'Who is this? Is this a religious thing? Is this a trolling of some sort?'' Jenkinson said.
But before long, he said, most people warm to the idea. 'Everybody is generally comfortable at some point,' he said. 'I think most people find it somewhat encouraging.'
During his travels, Jenkinson will stay with family, friends and strangers who hear about what he's doing and invite him to visit their town. He has already gotten requests to visit Alberta and Quebec.
Jenkinson is raising funds through Patreon and GoFundMe, which will go toward gas, auto repairs and maintenance, food and lodging when he is between people's homes, as well as buying 'coffee and grocery cards to brighten the day of someone who appears to need some encouragement,' he said.
For the most part, though, Jenkinson said he is using his savings to carry out his listening tour. As he's getting older, 'this could be my last grand adventure,' he said. 'Might as well go big or go home.' Jenkinson believes many have 'lost this gift of listening,' and he hopes to show people how powerful it can be to simply sit and listen to someone's story.
'They'll often leave saying, 'I feel a lot lighter' or 'This was good; I'm glad I sat down,'' Jenkinson said. 'People appear to be benefiting and I'm benefiting, too,' he said. 'I am so blessed to meet all these wonderful, sweet, smart, seasoned people.'
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