‘Sacramento': This Road-Trip Movie Will Drive You Crazy
'Sacramento' has an inviting poster—any movie with Kristen Stewart, I'm going to want to see. Even though Stewart's uglified herself somewhat for this freshman effort by screenwriter-director-actor Michael Angarano (who also cast his wife, father, and baby in the film), her presence wasn't enough for me to not thoroughly rue this 90 minutes I'll never get back.
This is the story of two of the weakest, most ineffectual, angst-filled, needy, Peter Pan boy-men on the planet. One's named Rickey (Angarano). And since annoying Peter Pans are actor Michael Cera's calling card, Cera plays Glenn, Rickey's best friend since they were kids.
Glenn
Glenn (Michael Cera) wants to know what his wife Rosie (Kristen Stewart) is doing, and she would like him to go away, in "Sacramento."
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Glenn's wife Rosie (Stewart) is eight months pregnant. Glenn's got anxiety, passive-aggressive anger issues, OCD, and is no handyman. Wanting to test their new baby crib and finding it a bit creaky, he flies into a rage and rattles it so hard, it breaks. Rosie sweetly reminds him that
she's
the one who currently needs care-taking, rather than having to mother her grown husband.
Glenn remarks that this information is 'an actionable note' for him to work on. Since Glenn is also about to get laid off from his job, Rosie reassures him that she can support the family while he takes a year to stay home with the baby. Just what every woman wants.
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Rosie's soul has long left the relationship. She deems her hubby a pathetic, predictable child of a man, and clearly must have been taking some strong drugs when she first met him. That would be my guess. Casting alpha Kristen Stewart as a woman who could be remotely attracted to such a nerdy non-nest-builder is so outlandish that it makes it very challenging to suspend disbelief for any other aspect of this film.
The Misadventures of Glenn and Rickey
Rickey (Michael Angarano) drops by unannounced, in "Sacramento."
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Rickey shows up unexpectedly at Glenn's door, after being out of touch for over a year. We first meet him trying to wrest the 12-step type therapy group he participates in away from the overseeing psychiatrist. He mistakenly believes he's a talented facilitator, though he has neither degree nor experience.
When Glenn spies Rickey in his front yard, he's reluctant to reconnect with him because he's come to the conclusion that Rickey is a loser. Talk about projection. Rosie says, 'But he's your best friend.' 'He's trying to hide in a tree in the yard!' 'But you're hiding behind the kitchen sink.' This is all intended to be humorous.
However, more-or-less homeless Rickey has somehow managed to not only track down, but restore (to the tune of at least $5,000) Glenn's old brown convertible that holds many memories for the two of them. Glenn has no choice but to agree to accompany Rickey on a road trip from L.A. to Sacramento to spread Rickey's father's ashes. Glenn surreptitiously phones Rosie from a truck stop to complain that Rickey played the 'dead dad' card.
While Glenn's on the phone, Rickey surreptitiously empties a tennis ball canister, scoops up some gas station dirt, thereby jerry-building an ash-urn. Their misadventures along the way include spending the night with two former female boxers—both much more attractive and more powerful than the pathetic road-trip duo. The women now own a gym, and the two men end up ineptly scuffling with each other. Twice. Glenn also insults a young female convenience store clerk because the store doesn't carry the exact kind of sunblock he's looking for.
Glenn (Michael Cera, L) drives to Sacramento with his old friend Rickey (Michael Angarano) whom he doesn't like anymore, in "Sacramento."
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Stop the Car, Let Me Out
The biggest problem with the film is that while the men are immature, needy, self-involved, and pathologically disingenuous at the expense of everyone they meet, 'Sacramento' isn't exaggerated and over the top enough to be successful as a comedy. Director Angarano insists on trying to sell the notion that this loser-duo is somehow nevertheless mildly appealing to all these attractive women, to the point that it's completely out of touch with of reality—the result of which is an hour and a half of cringe.
Rosie (Kristen Stewart) politely listens to her husband, in "Sacramento."
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Stewart's natural charisma lights up the screen with a layered, authentic performance that, in any other setting would capture audience interest, but due to the yawning reality-void she's tasked with making appear real, it's too much to ask of any actor.
With 10 more rewrites and an A-list director, Angarano might have had something. As a sort of poor man's Sam Rockwell with good hair and an appealing face, he may have gotten his foot in the Hollywood door with this calling card. I'll always raise a glass to anyone attempting the giant task of Hollywood-quadruple-threat, writing-acting-directing-producing, but Angarano should probably just focus on acting for a while.
Promotional poster for "Sacramento."
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'Sacramento'
Director: Michael Angarano
Starring: Michael Angarano, Kristen Stewart, Michael Cera
MPAA Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 29 minutes
Release Date: April 11, 2025
Rating: 1 star out of 5
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