Dear Richard Madeley: ‘My partner hates my politics but I don't want to lose her'
I am a 68-year-old widower who finds it difficult to meet prospective partners, but I have recently met a nice lady who I thought was the perfect match for me. She is attractive, funny, gregarious and has many other characteristics I enjoy. Friends and family like her very much.
However, sadly, of late it has become clear that she has different politics to me and has become very judgmental about my opinions. She also finds my sense of humour challenging and, while she always expresses her opinion, however ridiculous it may seem to me, I never question her. The opposite is true whenever I mention my point of view – to the extent that I now don't bother to proffer my opinions.
While she says she loves me, she has also said that this could be the beginning of the end for us. I am tempted to call her bluff but I don't want to lose her, despite the fact that I feel she is preventing me from being myself. What should I do?
— A
Dear A,
OK. Deep breaths. Straight answer coming up. Brace yourself. This relationship is doomed. DOOMED, I tell ye (channelling my inner Private Frazer from Dad's Army).
Come on, A. How can you possibly have a lasting, meaningful relationship with someone who refuses to even listen to what you think? Who (judging by your longer letter) metaphorically sticks her fingers in her ears whenever you dare to venture an opinion? Or heckles and interrupts you before you can develop an argument? So much so, that you are increasingly cowed into complete silence.
The fact is that at some point, probably sooner rather than later, you're going to meet someone who is prepared to let you express yourself – whether or not they agree with you. You can't spend the rest of your life with someone so inherently rude that they think they have the right to constantly shut you down. It's an extraordinarily imperious, arrogant way to behave, clearly making you increasingly resentful. And it's one step from resentment to anger. You should bale out before you get to that point.
So the next time she says that this may be the beginning of the end for you both, tell her you must disagree (again) with her. Because this is not the beginning of the end: it's the end. Then walk away.
Come on, A. I know it must be daunting trying to find love as a 68-year-old widower. But you know you can do better than this.
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