I have a backstabbing colleague at work, should I retaliate?
'I came to realise that you should not view colleagues as friends,' wrote u/Alastor_888 in a post on r/askSingapore on Sunday (Jul 6).
They went on to explain that they've had a good working relationship with this particular colleague but just realised that he has taken something the post author said without context to their managers, which resulted in the post author getting reprimanded.
'For most of the year, we have been very good friends sharing both personal and work troubles, so after finding out what he did, it really saddened and disappointed me,' he wrote.
They now have a chance to retaliate but are unsure if they should do it. There was one conversation where the colleague 'threatened violence' if the post author did not do their task with 100% accuracy. This was overheard by some of their other colleagues, but the post author took it as a joke at the time. See also Guide for job seekers - Spotting red flags in job interviews
'But now, looking back, I am not so sure, considering all the backstabbing and snake-like behaviour,' they wrote, adding that they could escalate this to HR, since what he did was a fireable offence.
The post author is uncertain whether they should 'ruin' their colleague's career over what he said but acknowledges that their career progression was somewhat derailed because of what he had done.
'I managed to clarify with my manager, but this whole thing still left an impression on the other senior managers, and I have no chance of changing their minds due to our limited interactions. Question is, should I escalate it to HR?' they asked.
Commenters on the post advised u/Alastor_888 to tread carefully if they do proceed to escalate the matter to HR, including making sure they have proof of what the colleague had said.
Another warned the post author, 'Gotta see your cards, if that colleague of yours is a favourite in the company, you are on the losing end.'
A Reddit user, however, urged them to go ahead. 'He screwed you over, and you got a mark under your name… now you got opportunity to extend the same courtesy… and now you're asking this?? Collect proper evidence, and with witnesses would be better, then hentam him.'
In contrast, another urged them to desist. 'Are you able to survive in the workplace and collect your monthly salary as long as you ignore this guy? Yes – just keep the peace, do nothing, and ring-fence yourself against this person.'
A commenter had this wise piece of advice: ' The rule of thumb is never joke or write about stuff that you wouldn't be able to defend if it becomes public. Some jokes are ok between friends/close people, but not ok outside, and some jokes are never ok, learning that fast saves you a lot of trouble.' /TISG
Read also: Employee claims colleagues backstabbed him — seeks advice on handling workplace tattletales
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