Gone with the gold watch: Britain's missing economy and other pub-side mysteries

Economic Times

21-06-2025

Britain, billed as the Sceptred Isle, this other Eden, demi-Paradise, is also the haunt of mythical and mysterious bogeys and beasties - things that go bump in the night, or even in daylight. Perhaps the most famous of these is the Loch Ness Monster, the cuddly Nessie, said to lurk in the lake of that name in the Scottish Highlands. Since her first reported sighting in 1933, Nessie continues to attract some 5,00,000 visitors annually, bringing in over £40 mn. In T.H. White's 1958 Arthurian epic, The Once and Future King, a knight of the Round Table, Sir Pellinore, devotes his life to the pursuit of the elusive Questing Beast. Finally, weary of his vain efforts, the ageing knight doffs his armour, stables his steed, and calls it a day. But he's roused from his repose by a snuffling outside his castle. It is the Questing Beast, anxiously waiting to be quested again.
In the true spirit of chivalry and knight-errantry, Sir Pellinore dons his helmet and breastplate and sets off once more, with the Questing Beast merrily leading the chase, leaving behind fewmets for its pursuer to follow. In the unlikely guise of an economist, a latter-day Sir Pellinore might quest in search of a fabled fugitive called the British economy - an enigmatic entity, as seemingly unsusceptible to discovery as the unfathomable Nessie. Hang it all, the blessed thing was here just the other day, wasn't it? It must have been, what with Britain having presided for a couple of centuries over the biggest empire ever known to man - or, Marvel Comics superhero - just one component of which, the Jewel in the Crown that was India, yielded a wealth which, in today's terms, is estimated at over $64 tn. Where did all that lolly go? Like the Questing Beast, the economy leaves a trail of occasional droppings to indicate its passage. A while ago, it was reported that the erstwhile outpost of the British raj, India, has overtaken its former ruler to become the world's 5th largest economy. For the Indian economy to have overtaken Britain, the latter must have had an economy capable of being overtaken, right? Right. Well, sort of.Then again, all the London pubs are always full, with not even standing room. Surely, you need to have an economy to finance all this patronage of public houses, which have never been so prolifically public - even though what, in Cockney rhyming slang, is called a 'gold watch' (=Scotch), costs what a horologe composed of that metal would fetch in a pawn shop.Maybe that's what's happened to the disappeared economy. It's got itself liquidated.However, another reason adduced for this plenitude of pub patronage relates not to Britain's economy, but to the economies of other nations - what with Russian oligarchs and Arab sheikhs having bought up so much real estate in the city that property has turned into unreal estate for many Londoners. This has resulted in a phenomenon known as failure to launch, which refers to the financial inability of those who, unable to afford to leave the parental nest, seek temporary refuge - and spirituous solace - in taverns.Everyone talks about the high, and growing higher, cost of living. To compound the problem, its alternative - the cost of dying - is also pricey, with a typical funeral costing £2,500-plus, nullifying Woody Allen's anodyne definition of death as a radical way to save on expenses.However, the mystery of the absconding British economy might have a simpler explanation: it has been subsumed, secretly, within a much larger one. Attention is so focused on Trumpistan's attempted takeover bid to make Canada the supposed 51st state of America, it's been overlooked that Uncle Sam has had a symbolic extra star on his flag ever since the end of WW2.That was when John Bull surrendered his bowler hat in exchange for a cowboy's Stetson, and Westminster became an annexe - or, in local parlance, a granny flat - of the White House. (Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this column are that of the writer. The facts and opinions expressed here do not reflect the views of www.economictimes.com.) Elevate your knowledge and leadership skills at a cost cheaper than your daily tea. How Vedanta's Anil Agarwal bettered Warren Buffett in returns
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