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Boston Globe
an hour ago
- Boston Globe
Niece excludes one branch of large family tree at wedding
The save the dates went out and we were not invited along with one sister-in-law. Everyone else was invited and attended. I feel excluded and snubbed. I have been dwelling on this way too much but don't understand. There were never any words or any rift. Advertisement My brother-in-law who is the stepfather is close with my husband. When I spoke to a few of his siblings, I was told she wanted a small wedding (there were 150 people that went) and I should be happy because of the expense of the hotel. Get Love Letters: The Newsletter A weekly dispatch with all the best relationship content and commentary – plus exclusive content for fans of Love Letters, Dinner With Cupid, weddings, therapy talk, and more. Enter Email Sign Up I was going to have a 70th birthday party for my husband but have decided to have a quiet dinner with my kids and grandchildren. I would also like to have no contact with them moving forward and I told my husband this. He feels I'm too sensitive, which added salt to the wound. He can have any relationship he wants with them, but I want out, personally. Advertisement Am I in the wrong? I just can't see myself in their company and feeling comfortable. EXCLUDED A. You have every right to feel the way you do. And, to your point, it seems pointed to invite six out of the eight siblings. But — and this is a big but — the family is large, even without considering the niece's mother's family, the father's family, her friends, and the family of the person she married. Even with 150 guests, options start to narrow. So, grant her a little grace. And, more importantly, don't take her wedding invite list out on her parents. They told you they didn't have any control over the invites and it's best to take that at face value. While you've been kind to the niece, you and she don't have as close a relationship as you do with others in the family. That's OK. It's also OK to have bruised feelings about it. You reached out your hand and she didn't reach back and that can hurt. It also sounds like other members of the family are trying to offer comfort and sympathy by telling you you didn't miss anything. Try to accept that. And then try to let it go, for your sake and for your husband's. Going no contact with branches of the family, who also didn't have control over the invites, is only going to hurt him. Q. My wife and I are a white couple in our mid-70s. We have numerous Black friends and acquaintances we see frequently at our church and workplace. Everybody is very cordial, and our conversations share insights into each other's goings-on (family, friends, et cetera). Advertisement What is discomforting to us is we are often addressed as 'Miss Jane' and 'Mr. John' rather than simply Jane and John. We're sure all intentions are respectful. We hate to think there is a racial element involved and hope it is just a matter of cultural mannerisms. We don't notice this 'title' formality with one Black person to another, even among those in our age bracket. We don't want to be rude if addressing this issue would be somehow offensive. Any thoughts on this? INFORMAL REQUEST A. Don't be afraid to ask people to call you what you're most comfortable being called. For instance, 'It would mean so much if you'd just call me John; it's how I know we're friends.' Something short and sweet like that. It's unclear to me whether the formality is related to your particular region, a particular subculture, or even your standing in your community. Or all of the above. But, if you're noticing that these honorifics aren't universally applied, it stands to reason you have the power to do away with them without being thought rude. Now, if your friends and acquaintances protest, that's an opportunity for you to dig a little deeper, with respect. 'Would you mind telling me more about why you'd feel more comfortable with Mr. John rather than John?' And then listen to what they have to say. Even if you don't agree with the reasoning, it might give you insight into how you're seen and how you and your friends can better see each other. R. Eric Thomas can be reached at .
Washington Post
a day ago
- Washington Post
Mexico City marks 700 years since its founding by Indigenous people
MEXICO CITY — Mexico City is marking the 700th anniversary of its founding with a series of public events on Saturday, including artistic performances honoring the city's Indigenous origins. Artists in Indigenous clothing reenacted the founding of the Aztec capital in front of the country's top officials in Mexico City's main square . Later, hundreds of dancers dressed in traditional clothing, feather headdresses, drums, and ankle rattles made of seeds performed sacred dances meant to connect with nature. The anniversary commemorates the establishment of Tenochtitlan, the capital of the Mexica, a group also known as the Aztecs, who settled in the Valley of Mexico in 1325. As recorded by early Spanish chroniclers, Mexica elders told of a divine sign from their patron god Huitzilopochtli: an eagle on a cactus, signaling where to settle. That place became Tenochtitlan, the center of Aztec civilization and the site of today's Mexico City. That symbol was later recorded in the Codex Mendoza, which contained historical accounts of the Aztec empire. It became central to Mexican identity and appears today on the national flag. 'Mexico was not born with the arrival of the Spanish; Mexico was born much earlier with the great civilizations,' said President Claudia Sheinbaum in a speech in which she urged the eradication of the racism that still persists in the country. Tenochtitlan began as a village on an island in a lake ringed by volcanic peaks. But historians say many other details that have come down in history are based heavily on legend, and that the exact founding date is unknown. By the time the Spanish arrived in the 16th century, they were awed by a city filled with palaces, bridges, canals and bustling trade, according to Spanish chronicler and conquistador Bernal Díaz del Castillo. Historian Miguel Pastrana of the National Autonomous University of Mexico's Historic Investigations Institute, an expert on Tenochtitlan, said the weekend's festivities are 'political and civic' and do not reflect the latest historical research. The historical record describes the Mexica as a people who migrated from a place called Aztlan, supposedly an island whose exact location remains unknown. They knew how to fish, gather aquatic plants and hunt birds, as well as build dams, and they tried to settle in several places before arriving in the Valley of Mexico. The main island in the lake was already populated by the Tepaneca people, but they allowed the Mexica to settle there in exchange for tribute payments and other services, Pastrana said. Little by little, the Mexica's power grew. They were strong warriors and commercially prosperous, and they were effective at making alliances with other peoples. Tenochtitlan became a great city at the center of an empire until the Spanish conquered it in 1521.
Associated Press
a day ago
- Associated Press
Mexico City marks 700 years since its founding by Indigenous people
MEXICO CITY (AP) — Mexico City is marking the 700th anniversary of its founding with a series of public events on Saturday, including artistic performances honoring the city's Indigenous origins. Artists in Indigenous clothing reenacted the founding of the Aztec capital in front of the country's top officials in Mexico City's main square. Later, hundreds of dancers dressed in traditional clothing, feather headdresses, drums, and ankle rattles made of seeds performed sacred dances meant to connect with nature. The anniversary commemorates the establishment of Tenochtitlan, the capital of the Mexica, a group also known as the Aztecs, who settled in the Valley of Mexico in 1325. As recorded by early Spanish chroniclers, Mexica elders told of a divine sign from their patron god Huitzilopochtli: an eagle on a cactus, signaling where to settle. That place became Tenochtitlan, the center of Aztec civilization and the site of today's Mexico City. That symbol was later recorded in the Codex Mendoza, which contained historical accounts of the Aztec empire. It became central to Mexican identity and appears today on the national flag. 'Mexico was not born with the arrival of the Spanish; Mexico was born much earlier with the great civilizations,' said President Claudia Sheinbaum in a speech in which she urged the eradication of the racism that still persists in the country. Tenochtitlan began as a village on an island in a lake ringed by volcanic peaks. But historians say many other details that have come down in history are based heavily on legend, and that the exact founding date is unknown. By the time the Spanish arrived in the 16th century, they were awed by a city filled with palaces, bridges, canals and bustling trade, according to Spanish chronicler and conquistador Bernal Díaz del Castillo. Historian Miguel Pastrana of the National Autonomous University of Mexico's Historic Investigations Institute, an expert on Tenochtitlan, said the weekend's festivities are 'political and civic' and do not reflect the latest historical research. The historical record describes the Mexica as a people who migrated from a place called Aztlan, supposedly an island whose exact location remains unknown. They knew how to fish, gather aquatic plants and hunt birds, as well as build dams, and they tried to settle in several places before arriving in the Valley of Mexico. The main island in the lake was already populated by the Tepaneca people, but they allowed the Mexica to settle there in exchange for tribute payments and other services, Pastrana said. Little by little, the Mexica's power grew. They were strong warriors and commercially prosperous, and they were effective at making alliances with other peoples. Tenochtitlan became a great city at the center of an empire until the Spanish conquered it in 1521.
