The Majority of Parents Are Just ‘Getting Through the Day' Instead of Enjoying It

Yahoo

24-06-2025

Fact checked by Sarah Scott
Last night I attempted (rather unsuccessfully) to sleep through the sound of my son's incessant coughing from his bedroom. (Far too) soon, I woke up to a hungry baby, and one daughter who needed help getting ready for dance camp, while another wanted a ride to the gym. It was all in a matter of 10 minutes.
Upon returning from the urgent gym run, I could no longer put off a growing list of doctor and dentist appointments to schedule. At the same time, emails are flooding my inbox about summer math modules, practice schedule changes, and fees for upcoming clinics.
The day ahead is packed with carpools, errands, feedings, and meals to plan and prepare. All I can think is, 'Just let me get through this day.'
This is why I completely relate to the sentiments in a new report from Duckbill and The Harris Poll. They surveyed American parents and found that most of us (65%) are 'just getting through the day' rather than enjoying it. Interestingly, while married parents who make more than $100,000 are slightly less burdened by the tasks of modern life, half still report that they are just doing their best to get through the day too.
As a mom of six, days like the one I mentioned are not the exception. They are the rule. I rush around trying to make life happen for my family. I'm constantly pulled away from conversations and thoughts by requests to find a Lego and questions like, 'What can I do?' or 'What can I eat?'
Through it all, I'm also responsible for uplifting six people with problems ranging from getting a boo-boo to getting their heart broken. It's exhausting and leaves little time to focus on myself.
Not all is lost, however. Given that this study and others are finally shining a light on parents' mental load, a major benefit has emerged: We are also being encouraged to start thinking about ways to refocus our attention on joy.
Here's what I try and focus on—even when it feels impossible on some days.
For me, seeing how quickly my kids are growing up gives me an immense sense of appreciation for just how fleeting this time with them really is.
My oldest is about to head off to college—although I swear it was only a few years ago she was a little girl dressing up in Disney princess dresses and asking for string cheese. I also have younger children, with my littlest being just 5 months old.
The kids' big age gap puts a lot in perspective, and I am able to actually enjoy their challenging stages, rather than just wishing they would move on from teething, tantrums, or middle school. It'll be over way too soon, I now realize.
My experience has also allowed me—at times—to resist the instinct to simply survive, and rather, be more present in the good and bad moments that inevitably characterize each day as a parent.
I'll often force myself to stop worrying about what I have to do later or tomorrow, and center on what is happening right now, be it that my baby just giggled for the first time, or that my 4-year-old is upset over having to be in the car for longer than 15 minutes.
Being in the moment doesn't always provide the greatest sense of joy, but it does lessen my anxiety about what's next, or what's not done yet.
According to the new data, women are most likely to suffer from guilt and the overwhelming sense that even if they have a spare moment, they should be doing something else. We are also the least likely to ask for help—and even struggle with the misguided belief that our needs are not as important as those of others.
But I have learned to claim one thing I love, just for me, each day: yoga.
Sometimes I get 45 minutes by myself at the gym to immerse myself in a really amazing practice. Other days, I fight to complete a 15-minute YouTube class at home amidst a whining baby and A Minecraft Movie blasting on the TV, leaving my boys laughing uproariously, although they've already watched the "Steve's Lava Chicken" part 1,000 times.
My advice to any parent who is struggling is to find that one thing that you love and stake your claim on it. Maybe working out is your one non-negotiable, or perhaps it's getting time to call your sister. You might be determined to blow dry your hair in the morning to feel like yourself, or get away to meet a friend for lunch.
Whatever your thing is, make it happen, hopefully with the support of a partner or loved one.
When it comes to challenging situations with my kids, which take place on multiple occasions throughout the day, I find it helps to just be real about how I'm feeling.
I might confess to my kids that, "Mommy is overwhelmed and needs a minute." Or, I'll vent to my husband—or ask him to step in.
A few close friends can totally relate, so staying connected to them is a huge boon.
Finally, a mantra I have learned to live by is that it's better to be laughing than crying.
Picture this: my baby is suffering from a diaper blowout at the same time my preschooler is screaming about his shirt being on backwards, while my 7-year-old is demanding to watch a show after I told him 100 times his screen time is over for the day.
Sure, my inclination may be to burst into tears, but I'll do my best to find humor in the circumstance instead. Anyone else want to torture me with an outburst at this very moment? Ha!
Ultimately, we should absolutely be aiming higher than just trying to survive until bedtime. The goal of finding joy amid the chaos could not be more important, both because a grumpy, frazzled parent sets a poor example for our kids, and because parents deserve to be happy, too, even if it's for 15 minutes.
Read the original article on Parents