Dear Coleen: Angry husband's perma-rage could end our marriage
Dear Coleen
My husband is full of rage and, the way things are going, I'm not sure there's an alternative but to divorce him. He's not physically violent, thank goodness, but he's verbally aggressive and the slightest thing sets him off.
It's rarely directed at me or anyone in the family; the way it comes out is in road rage or he'll have a go at neighbours for parking in an awkward spot or leaving their bins in the wrong place.
He also gets mad at shop assistants if they take too long, or waiters, bank clerks and so on. He's like a bear with a sore head and I find myself walking on eggshells around him and I now dread going anywhere with him in case something or someone sets him off.
He's always been a bit inclined to unreasonable rage, but the problem has definitely become worse as he's got older, but I've been putting off having a big conversation with him in case he blows a fuse.
It's not just me; I've noticed that other people avoid him and therefore avoid us, so it's affected our social life. Who wants to go for dinner with an angry man who shouts at staff if his steak is undercooked? I'd appreciate anything you can suggest that might help.
Coleen says
Well, I think we do become more set in our ways with age and possibly less willing to put up with things. I think for a lot of people it manifests in not sweating the small stuff and being able to react more calmly and remove yourself from situations or people that annoy you. Not so for your husband.
There's always something else behind anger – fear or anxiety – so I think it's worth your husband trying to understand why he's so triggered all the time. I do think you need to have that conversation and explain that you don't want to live on the edge all the time, and that his anger has become an issue that you're not willing to accept unless he starts taking steps to address it.
Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community!
Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today.
You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland.
No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team.
All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in!
If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'.
We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like.
To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'.
If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice.
But also, try to get him to see that feeling the way he does isn't good for him either in terms of his physical and mental health.
It can't be nice for him to feel on edge all the time. And help him to see how it's affecting his relationships with family and his friendships too.
You could do some research and find out what's available locally in terms of counselling and anger management or cognitive behavioural therapy, as well as online resources but, ultimately, it's his problem that he needs to figure out.
You can show him how he can be helped, but he needs to be willing to accept it. If he doesn't take you seriously, then you have a choice to make about what's best for you.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Daily Record
16 hours ago
- Daily Record
ScotRail train evacuated after carriages fill with smoke and ‘strange smell'
Passengers were left shaken this morning after a ScotRail train travelling from Inverness to Glasgow Queen Street filled with smoke and a "strange smell". Forty passengers had to be evacuated from a ScotRail train after carriages began filling with smoke and a "strange smell". Fire crews raced to the train, which had left Inverness at 5.36am today bound for Glasgow Queen Street, after smoke was spotted on board. The service came to a halt between Gleneagles and Dunblane with travellers taken off amid a strong, pungent odour and put on another service heading for Perth. No injuries were reported. Passengers were told their tickets would be accepted on rail replacement services. ScotRail has warned of potential delays and changes on routes between Glasgow Queen Street and Inverness/Aberdeen, as well as Edinburgh Waverley and Inverness. A passenger, Sarah MacMath, 35, told the BBC how a "person came over with a loud speaker" and told people to leave her carriage. Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community! Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today. You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland. No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team. All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in! If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'. If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice. "We did notice there was a bit of a funny smell from Aviemore or Kingussie - just a strange smell," she said. "I dozed off and woke up when the train stopped near Gleneagles and there was quite a lot of smoke in the carriage. The person then came over the loud speaker and asked us to either move to the end carriage or the first carriage. "At that point, I stood up and there was a pretty heavy smell of smoke and there was quite a lot of it in the carriage." Mark Ilderton, ScotRail's service delivery director, said passengers were safely evacuated. He said: "The 05:36 Inverness to Glasgow Queen Street service was brought to a stop near Gleneagles this morning after reports of smoke being detected in one of the carriages. Our immediate priority is the safety and wellbeing of everyone on board, and customers have been safely assisted from the train." A message by ScotRail on X this morning read: "Due to a broken down train between Gleneagles and Dunblane all lines are blocked. Please keep an eye on our app/website for live service updates." It later said: "A rescue train has been dispatched to assist the broken-down train," and that was followed by a post, shortly before midday, saying: "The broken-down train is now on the move back to the depot and we're working to get trains and crew back into position." And on the ScotRail website it says of trouble between Gleneagles and Dunblane: "Train services running through these stations are returning to normal but some services will still be cancelled, delayed or revised. Disruption is expected to last until around 13:30 today (01 August)."
Daily Record
a day ago
- Daily Record
Dear Coleen: My wife resents me after my affair but I can't give up my girlfriend
"Everything else comes first and now she resents me too because of the affair." Dear Coleen I'm a married man in my early 40s with two young children. About a year ago, I met another woman online and we started talking regularly. I wasn't happy in my marriage at the time and ended up starting an affair with this woman. I was a sloppy covering my tracks, so my wife found out. Since then, we've been having counselling once a week, but I'm still seeing the other woman in secret. My dilemma is, I don't want to wreck my marriage while my kids are young. I'd like them to have both of us at home. But I feel like the marriage is done in all but name. My wife and I never have sex or spend any real time together – the kids, her job and everything else comes first and now she resents me too because of the affair. I've tried to talk to her, but she gets angry and always manages to blame me. She disagrees with me on everything and it feels like we're just too different. With my girlfriend, things are easy and fun and the sex is great. We connect on so many levels it feels like we're soulmates. What do I do? I feel caught between a rock and hard place – wanting to do right by my kids, but also needing to feel happy and fulfilled. Any ideas? Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community! Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today. You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland. No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team. All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in! If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'. If you're curious, you can read our Privacy Notice. Coleen says Of course things are easy and fun with the person you're having an affair with! You don't have to parent together or talk about bills or whose turn it is to load the dishwasher. You're living a fantasy with her and it might not feel as fun if your wife finds out again (which she probably will) and you're out of the house. If you don't wish to be married any longer and believe you've done all you can to rescue the relationship, then do the right thing and be honest with your wife. You can't carry on lying to her and your therapist until your kids grow up and leave. As for your children, what's best for them is growing up in a happy home where there's honesty, love and respect between their parents. Maybe you've been able to shield them from conflict so far, but the cracks will start to show and they will be affected. You can still be a great parent if you separate from your wife – but that's up to you. From what you've said, it seems your marriage is over for you, but you can't bring yourself to push the button. If you do want to make a last-ditch go at it, then you have to end the affair and commit to therapy and to telling the truth, and hope your wife is still on board. But it should be because you want it not just to keep the family together under one roof.
Daily Record
2 days ago
- Daily Record
Patios will be moss-free and clean if you use this 1 kitchen item
Gardens are often covered with black slimy spots and mossy stains. We tend to spend more time in our gardens during the summer months. This is when we start to notice the jobs that need to be done in our backyards, and one common problem is dirty slabs and patios. When patios and garden slabs get wet, they become a breeding ground for moss and algae. Moss and algae tend to be more common during the colder seasons, but British summers are very humid and often wet, which can cause these plant-like organisms to stick firmly to outdoor surfaces. You might think that cleaning the patio requires a powerful pressure washer or a hard scrub, but there's a household product that you probably already have in the cupboard that will do the job much cheaper. They said: 'One very unconventional yet very effective way of getting rid of unwanted paving weeds is by using bicarbonate of soda. 'When eradicating moss from your garden, bicarbonate of soda, or baking soda, is a very powerful substance that will get rid of the moss in no time.' Baking soda might seem simple, but people often underestimate how useful it is for cleaning various areas around the home. According to the Express, it can kill both moss and algae. Moss and algae can only live in an acidic environment, but baking soda is an alkaline product, so it raises the pH level on a surface, stopping them from growing. Baking soda is also naturally absorbent and will suck all the moisture off a patio, which also dries them and makes it much harder for them to survive. This is one of the easiest ways to kill moss and algae while also making a patio dryer and less acidic. There is no chance they will grow back for the rest of the summer. Join the Daily Record WhatsApp community! Get the latest news sent straight to your messages by joining our WhatsApp community today. You'll receive daily updates on breaking news as well as the top headlines across Scotland. No one will be able to see who is signed up and no one can send messages except the Daily Record team. All you have to do is click here if you're on mobile, select 'Join Community' and you're in! If you're on a desktop, simply scan the QR code above with your phone and click 'Join Community'. We also treat our community members to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. If you don't like our community, you can check out any time you like. To leave our community click on the name at the top of your screen and choose 'exit group'. How to remove moss and algae stuck to a patio All you need to do is wait for a sunny day, and then give your patio a good sweep to help loosen the stains first. Then, sprinkle a generous amount of dry baking soda on any mossy or algae-ridden patio areas. Leave the baking soda alone to give it time to dry them out and raise the pH level. It should typically take 24 to 48 hours. You can keep applying baking soda during this time if you wish. You will know it has worked when the moss or algae begins to turn brown, as that means it is dying. Once it has completely dried up, the moss or algae should be easily removed by sweeping it with a broom. Use hot water to rinse your patio, and it should stay clean and stain-free for much longer.
