Spears: AI offered to write my book. How could I refuse?
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'Time? Writer's block? Endless revisions?'
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Some outfit called Squibler promises its AI engine will give me a 'publish-ready book in minutes.'
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It offered a free trial. How could I refuse?
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I typed a few quick notes for a novel — worried prime minister, global crisis, Canadian space mission in trouble. Added a dog, and I have no idea why I added 'with asthma.' And I hit Send.
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Squibler shot me a draft entitled Moon Shot Mayhem within seconds.
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It was a dark and stormy sight.
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Read on, and see whether you agree with me that artificial intelligence can do wonderful things fast, but maybe it can also do awful things just as fast.
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'The mahogany desk in Prime Minister Tom Spears' Ottawa office usually held only the weight of impending legislation and the occasional strategically placed Canadian maple leaf paperweight. Today, however, it groaned under the sheer crushing weight of a global crisis: a hydrazine shortage of apocalyptic proportions. The room itself was a maelstrom of frantic activity. Aides zipped around like caffeinated bumblebees, phones shrieked a symphony of unanswered calls, and the air hung thick with the scent of stale coffee and impending doom.'
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(The New Yorker has a recurring gem called Block That Metaphor. Please notice the apocalypses and symphonies and maelstrom all jumbled together. By the way, hydrazine is actual spaceship fuel.) So, onward:
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'Spears, a man whose usual expression resembled a bewildered Labrador, now looked like a Labrador who had just witnessed its favourite squeaky toy spontaneously combust. Disbelief warred with panic in his eyes, the colour draining from his face faster than the hydrazine from Canada's dwindling reserves. The moon mission, the crowning jewel of his administration… it was all hanging by a thread thinner than a politician's promise.
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'Just then Buttercup, the Prime Minister's asthmatic bloodhound — a creature whose respiratory issues were rivalled by his unparalleled sense of smell — let out a series of wheezy gasps, his jowls quivering. He'd located something. Something suspicious.
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