How one woman found new life as a farmer, born of hope and grit
Fasselin did not know what to expect, especially as the darkness enveloped them later that day, and she knew they had to navigate the ledges to get off the mountain.
'He is in his young mind, but we were not going to give up.'
She built a trail of sorts to help them get off the mountain. Armed with just a spotlight and an untested horse, they began to make their way down.
'I kept expecting him to make mistakes on the switchback,' she said. 'I knew if he remained calm we would be all right. If he panics, we would not be all right — not at all."
It was perilous, but the moment was about faith and putting your trust in something higher than you.
Fasselin said Woodrow turned to look at her and headed off to the left.
'He was just saying: I think we need to turn left here. He was like an old pro. He made the leap like I asked him to. I love his brain. He was a saint.'
On this day in June, Fasselin is fighting another battle. The hay baler is not cooperating.
'It thinks it is going to win. It thinks I cannot figure it out. But I will.' And she did.
Learning young
Even when Fasselin was a young girl, she had to make hard decisions.
It was not about what school to go to or who to take to the dance.
Which horse will load in the trailer first? That is a hard decision. You get the best one, the rest follow.
This woman of the 21st century grew up without running water. She lived in a single-wide trailer in Nine Mile Canyon, in east-central Utah, to wrangle cattle.
'I was not aware of the sacrifices,' she said. Her father got laid off from the coal mine and her mother took three jobs. She remembers cutting trails with a machete, not playing Mario Brothers.
'My dad did this incredible thing,' she said. 'And he started me really young.'
She's tough and hardy and seems undeterred by the changes that life throws at her. One of those callings is found in Elmo, a community tucked away in Emery County off the less traveled roads. It is simple. And it is down home like Fasselin and it is here where there is little noise, no crowds, nobody watching over your shoulder.
Like a blank artist's canvas that is big and begging to tell a story, Fasselin is filling in the white tableau with her own colors. She's drawing outside the lines, but it feels good to her.
Perhaps, as a woman farmer, there is inspiration all around her.
On the Utah Farm Bureau's website, 'thisfarmwife' AKA Meredith Bernard, posted this on Instagram:
'Starting is the hardest part. Always. For anything that means anything. The first words to a book, or article or post. The first step to moving from one chapter of life to another,' she wrote.
'To the one reading and watching this who is struggling to start that something on your heart, my heart is begging you to go. Do your thing your way. Will it be hard? Yes. Will you make mistakes? Yes. Will trying ever not be worth it? No.'
Fasselin and Bernard don't know each other, but their stories are similar. Being a farmer and rancher is tough. Being a farmer and rancher as a woman, well, it can be tougher in a traditionally male-dominated tradition.
Despite the challenges, women across the country are called to farm, to ranch, to carry on the tradition etched in small towns and born out of heritage.
Maya Fasselin, Jacie's sister-in-law, said determination is the common theme with this woman who has grown to be an inspiration for her.
'She is extremely determined and when her mind is made up, there's no going back. Jacie is the first to help others, find solutions and get the job done.'
In Elmo, where Fasselin lives, the nearest high school is about 20 miles away, but there is a post office in town and the Elmo branch of the Emery County Library is there to serve a population of about 368 people.
That suits this single mother just fine, giving her room and space to flourish. At night, she sings to her boys. They have prayer around the dinner table and in the quiet of the night, determination wraps around this woman like a blanket and she is ready for the next day.
'A really good friend told me, 'you are going to have an emotional breakdown and then you will wake up refreshed and have a better solution.''
A life in a place called Elmo, Utah
In Elmo, if you want to talk to someone at the city offices, you can catch them between 10 a.m. and noon on Tuesdays and Thursdays to talk municipal business in this agrarian community founded in 1908.
For Fasselin, this is the place she realized her dream of owning her own ranch and farm, but she never thought that would come to pass.
In the split with her husband, Fasselin thought she would simply end up with pretty horses. He was the rancher and she was the mother, the high school teacher. She had her eyes set on law school.
But life turns and spins, changing a person.
'I got the farm. I chose to stay. I would be in a room wishing I was here. At least the stress of the farm is genuine, the stress of raising my children is genuine. I used to stress life that was not necessary.'
Now, she is running her own cattle, breaking horses, fixing fences, teaching all the time.
'The fact that I am a natural born teacher, I will sail that ship all day. I am really passionate about agriculture literacy. You do not have to grow up in agriculture to make a difference.'
Jacie's heritage
She's pretty sure her ancestors are watching with approving smiles. She drives a guest to a monument to those in her bloodline who came before her, who settled in this area that is part of an eastern swath of Utah in the Upper Colorado River Basin.
The marker honors, among others, Billy Winder, who was born in 1888 and lived until he was 90, dying in 1978. It is easy to marvel at the changes he must have experienced, how life crept steadily through a host of transformational alterations in society. Others on the monument are Zina Winder, Fasselin's great-grandmother and the daughter of Billy Winder. She died a few years ago.
You can see the admiration in Fasselin's eyes as she talks about this woman and her hardiness.
Fasselin is simultaneously a learner and a teacher with multiple degrees. She's learning the intricacies of farming and ranching, while at the same time she brings this love of learning to the students she teaches at Carbon High School, where she delivers lessons on agriculture. It is a passion for her, to bring her students along and help them learn about a discipline under threat in an era when land is becoming increasingly urbanized.
'I was born to be a teacher. I am so grateful and thankful I get to teach something I am so passionate about,' she said.
Mapping the dream
Emery County farms are fed by Joe's Valley Dam and Reservoir, Huntington North Dam and Reservoir, Cottonwood Creek-Huntington Canal, Huntington North Service Canal, and North Canal — all projects engineered by the Emery County Water Conservancy District to capture and deliver water out of the mountains. Both Huntington and Cottonwood creeks are tributaries to the San Rafael River, which is in the upper Colorado River Basin.
The annual precipitation for this area is 8.5 inches a year, while statewide it is 11 inches in this semiarid climate that has been weighed down by more than two decades of what some call a megadrought.
Emery County has tried to get out in front of water issues, with county commissioners approving a tax increase in the early 1990s to pay for an extensive monitoring system to document both the quantity and quality of the water. More than 50 stations measure water quality and volume at two reservoirs. The district was part of a case study by Campbell Scientific, which developed the monitoring devices and documented their use in the county.
Fasselin knows the value of the finite resource, having tried for years to buy both the land and get water rights. She had the benefit of knowledge on her side, having worked for the Natural Resources Conservation Service, which is under the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Via a joint effort with the U.S. Bureau of Reclamation, the WaterSMART initiative utilizes targeted funding from the Environmental Quality Incentives Program to conserve water and increase drought resilience.
Under the entire umbrella, it helps farmers and other producers conserve water through local irrigation districts. For fiscal year 2024, Utah was one of 16 states that received nearly $30 million in funding.
Even with the money and the help, it's been a struggle for this young woman.
'There have been several times where I have had to face Satan,' she said. 'I felt like I would be in trouble if I did it incorrectly. ... But as long as I have Ghost and my dog Nix, I'll make it. I would not have it any other way.'
Ghost is another of Fasselin's horses, tested, tried and true. And Nix, the border collie, is a steadfast companion that like any good dog is simply there for you.
Why not walk away and trade work boots for a classroom to learn about the law?
'I ask myself that question all the time. It is as if you have a sickness, and I love it. I love the animals. I love the land and I love the kids.'
There are programs out there to help farmers like Fasselin.
Justin Elsner, a district conservationist with the NRCS field office in North Logan, said while the infrastructure improvements help water conservancy districts and irrigation companies to save water, farmers and other producers are often left with the exorbitantly high investments of their own to adapt to the new systems in place.
'The agriculture producers, they are kind of stuck with needing to make adjustments now that maybe their open ditch, or their open canal has been put into a pipe and it's pressurized,' he said. 'Now they have to make changes to accommodate that pressurized water, and maybe their old irrigation system can no longer be (workable). With WaterSMART, we can write a proposal to secure funds for what we call the on farm improvements — separate from the Bureau of Reclamation grant.'
That means money to move from flood irrigation to a sprinkler system, a wheel line or a pivot — while improving the water efficiency.
Emily Fife, NRCS state conservationist for Utah, said since the start of this joint-coordination effort, NRCS has invested $4 million in Cache, Morgan, and Summit counties, assisting 64 producers across more than 4,700 contracted acres to reduce drought stress on crops, protect crop health and conserve water.
'Our work is about identifying science-based solutions to complex problems,' she emphasized.
Fasselin, who has a master's degree in natural resources, set about negotiating to get some money to help in her own quest that started years ago.
'The more information you have the more powerful you can be, the more effective you can be,' she said. 'There's amazing people willing to help.'
But it was no easy task.
The men in charge knew who she was, knew about her roots, but they cast a wary eye at her because of her gender.
'I spent the first 10 minutes talking before I convinced them I was worth listening to. I was young and I was a woman.'
Fasselin's determination worked.
She now owns Desert Lake Livestock, with 120 cultivatable acres where she grows hay to support the 50 head of beef cattle she raises. They summer in the mountain ranges, then usually return to Elmo for the winter or spend those months in the desert. Fasselin rides her horse like she was born on one, deftly guiding the cattle to the desired location. Moving the cattle consists of long days that start early and end late — a ritual she embraces wholeheartedly.
And her approach to farming is saving precious water. In 2023, her operation used 276 acre-feet of water. Last year, growing similar crops and tackling an additional 17 acres of farming small grains, she used only 82-acre feet of water. That counts in the parched Colorado River Basin.
Fulfilling a destiny
The land was homesteaded by her family from generations ago so for Fasselin, it feels like destiny was right alongside her in her fight to get the land and the water, to basically get her start.
Fasselin secured a cost share funding investment for a $450,000 system that includes technology like a pivot with solar-powered wheel line, soil sensors and even a weather station with some NRCS funding.
The project was also made possible with money that came from the state's Agricultural Optimization program, which the state Legislature has used to invest more than $276 million in water saving improvements since its creation in 2019. More than 550 projects have been completed through that funding.
Even with that, it hasn't been easy. Having a master's degree does not translate into knowing your way around mechanics, but she's been learning.
'There's a massive learning curve,' she said. 'My sister-in-law helps and my brother is mechanically inclined.'
Still, last fall, she eyed a four-wheeler sitting idle on the property and said she was going to take a go at it with her tools. Again, it seems like no challenge deters her. She is learning welding, how to assess soil moisture and the list goes on and on.
She and Maya have an inside joke about cows.
'Every time we do something hard or every time we're covered in hay laying underneath a baler trying to decipher what is wrong with it, we just say 'we love cows,'' Maya said. 'It's our answer to when anything on the farm gets tough or hard: We love cows.'
The intricacies of farming and water
Since she's been around farmers her entire life, Fasselin knows the challenges and the many rules, so many of which are unspoken and instinctive.
She follows the 'rule of the boot,' which means if your boot sinks more than a quarter of an inch into the ground, your seed bed needs to be firmed up.
It has been a struggle. Highs and lows like an addict who still hangs on to the thing that gets them through the day. In this case, it is land.
'I had this massive amount of change and at the same time planted $10,000 worth of seed. I literally felt like I was going to have a heart attack,' she said. 'I went out onto the farm and laid on the ground and cried and I knew it was out of my control. It is easy to get caught up in the moment and then you remember the perspective. If you pray.'
Powering through
She knows, too, that much like energy, the best water used is the water that isn't, especially given the state's long-term relationship with drought and the arid nature of the region she lives in.
Her roots of growing up on farm land with ancestors who did it long before she came along taught her the value of being efficient with the water rights she obtained.
Flood irrigation, she said, is tough and not effective — especially when you're talking about acres upon acres of land that need the finite resource.
'Flood irrigation is labor intensive,' she said. 'Your shovel is your best friend.'
When she used flood irrigation at her ranch, the water seeped deep into the ground, bringing extremely alkaline soil to the top infused with sodium bicarbonate, or salt, unsuitable for planting.
Her system avoids that and allows her to utilize cutting edge technology to track all aspects of her farming and ranching operation when it comes to irrigation. She does that by monitoring a variety of conditions on her phone, even remotely.
The systems pay off.
According to the NRCS, pivot irrigation uses a lot less water — perhaps as much as 30% less, industry estimates say — than flood irrigation. Pivot sprinklers apply water more evenly across fields than flood irrigation. Also, less water is lost to evaporation and there is less risk of soil erosion, fertilizer and chemical runoff, and nutrient leaching — so aside from helping farmers there are environmental benefits and improvement in public health via cleaner waterways.
The hard, good life
As a single mom, farmer and rancher, Fasselin has plenty to do. Her boys, Jace, 10, and Jaxten, 7, are learning early about the culture of having land that you work. There's crops to be planted and harvested, cattle and horses to be managed. Jaxten proudly drives the tractor, but his feet dangle from the seat. Perhaps it is a throwback to the way Jacie was raised, when her mother would put her in a basket as she drove the tractor.
The ranching life
Both boys know their way around horses, relishing the freedom of the ride, the smells and the bond that comes with an animal that outweighs them by factor of nine or 10. They're cautious, but they have learned that the hard way with their own mishaps on the ranch.
Fasselin is breaking Boondock, a 2-year-old, for Jaxten. She has another mare, Smoky, who is young and coming up.
At the end of the day, Fasselin gathers the boys around the dinner table. They say their prayers. She never stops feeling grateful.
These experiences that come from ranching and farming embody a way of life she says she hopes will teach her boys about their roots, their history — so one day they can pass it on.
Even with all her daily challenges and learning the rough life of ranching, she never loses sight of being a mother and helping them to learn in the most patient of ways.
For anyone else, this could be frustrating and tiring. But she takes the time to sing songs and cuddle with them at night. It is, after all, the most important job she does — being a mother and role model.
Even though her days always seem to start early and end late, and she gets tired, it's a good tired and she has no regrets.
'I chose this life 100%.'
Solve the daily Crossword

Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
Signs It's Time To Cut Ties With Anyone Who's Not Really In Your Corner
Navigating relationships can be like walking through a maze. Sometimes, you find yourself on a path that feels right, but other times, you hit a dead end. Knowing when to cut ties with people who aren't really rooting for you can save you time, energy, and stress. It might not be easy, but recognizing the signs can be your first step toward healthier connections. Here are 14 signs it's time to reevaluate those relationships that might be holding you back. 1. They Undermine Your Achievements Ever notice how your successes seem to get a lukewarm or even negative response from certain people? If someone frequently downplays or ignores your achievements, it's a red flag. According to Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, people who belittle your accomplishments may be struggling with their own insecurities. Such behavior can create an unhealthy dynamic where you start doubting your worth. You deserve to celebrate your wins with people who genuinely cheer you on. It's crucial to be surrounded by people who lift you up rather than pull you down. When you achieve something significant, your closest allies should be the first to congratulate you. If they're not, ask yourself why their support is lacking. Relationships should be a source of encouragement, not a constant reminder of how little someone cares. Feeling unsupported can erode your self-esteem over time, so be wary of those who don't celebrate your victories. 2. They Only Call When They Need Something Do you have that friend who seems to ghost you until they need a favor? It's a classic sign of a transactional relationship. When someone reaches out only when it's convenient for them, it's time to consider if this relationship serves you. Real friends engage with you out of genuine interest, not just personal gain. If the connection feels one-sided, it might be time to step back. Such relationships can leave you feeling used and underappreciated. It's exhausting to be someone's go-to person for help, only to be forgotten when the tables turn. You deserve relationships where support is mutual and not contingent upon someone needing something from you. A strong friendship is built on reciprocity, not convenience. If someone isn't willing to invest in you outside of their needs, it's fair to reassess their place in your life. 3. They Leave You Feeling Drained You know those people who leave you feeling depleted rather than energized after hanging out? Spending time with them feels more like a chore than a joy. Psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron, known for her research on highly sensitive people, explains that energy-draining interactions can be particularly taxing on your mental health. If a relationship consistently leaves you feeling worn out, it's worth considering why this is happening. The right relationships should lift you up, not wear you down. Energy vampires, as some call them, focus on their problems while dismissing yours. You may even feel guilty for not wanting to spend time with them, but remember—your well-being matters. It's important to prioritize how you feel after spending time with someone. If you're consistently drained, it's a clear sign the relationship might be more harmful than helpful. Choose to surround yourself with people who energize and inspire you. 4. They Disregard Your Boundaries Healthy relationships respect boundaries, period. If someone constantly ignores your limits, it's a sign they don't value your autonomy. Boundaries are essential for maintaining respect and balance in any relationship. When someone disregards them, it can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration. Your boundaries are not negotiable—people who care will honor them. When boundaries aren't respected, it can create a toxic environment. You might find yourself feeling uncomfortable or even pressured in situations you're not okay with. This lack of respect can erode trust and safety within the relationship. It's critical to communicate your boundaries clearly and see how they respond. If they continue to ignore your needs, it might be time to reconsider their role in your life. 5. They Can't Be Trusted Trust is the foundation of any solid relationship. If you find yourself doubting someone's intentions or honesty, it's a red flag. According to research by Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, trust issues can significantly undermine a relationship's stability. When trust is broken, it takes time and effort to rebuild, if that's even possible. Without trust, a relationship is on shaky ground. Constant suspicion or questioning can take a toll on your well-being. Trust issues often lead to anxiety and stress, which can affect other areas of your life. If you're constantly wondering about someone's loyalty or honesty, it might be wise to evaluate why you're holding onto this relationship. A healthy relationship is built on mutual trust and understanding. Without these, it can't thrive. 6. They're Often Negative Negativity can be contagious, and hanging around constantly pessimistic people can drag you down. If someone always sees the glass as half-empty, it might be time to re-evaluate their place in your life. Chronic negativity can become a barrier to your happiness and mental well-being. While everyone has off days, perpetual negativity can be draining. Surround yourself with people who maintain a positive outlook and encourage you to do the same. It's one thing to be a sounding board for friends going through a tough time. But if their negativity becomes the main theme of your interactions, it could be affecting your mood too. Life is challenging enough without external pessimism adding to it. True friends help you see the silver lining, even in tough situations. If negativity is all they bring to the table, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. 7. They Don't Respect Your Time Time is a precious resource, and those who waste it show they don't value you. If someone frequently cancels plans last minute or shows up late without a valid reason, it's disrespectful. Research from the University of Kansas highlights that respect is a key component of successful relationships. When someone consistently disrespects your time, they're essentially saying their time is more important than yours. It's important to be with people who understand and respect your commitments. Time-wasting in a relationship can manifest in various ways, such as constant lateness or disregard for your schedule. Over time, these small disrespectful acts can accumulate, leading to frustration. When someone doesn't respect your time, it reflects a deeper lack of respect for you as a person. Mutual respect is non-negotiable for a relationship to thrive. If someone repeatedly shows they don't value your time, it might be time to cut ties. 8. They Bring Out The Worst In You Some relationships bring out your best qualities, while others do quite the opposite. If someone consistently brings out negative behaviors or feelings in you, it's a cause for concern. You should feel comfortable and at ease with those closest to you, not on edge or unhappy. If you notice you're often irritable or negative around someone, it might be time to reflect on why. Relationships should help you grow, not hold you back. When a relationship consistently triggers negative emotions, it can impact your mental health. You might start questioning your worth, which can lead to a vicious cycle of negativity. It's important to be around people who inspire positivity and growth. If someone constantly drags you into a negative mindset, it's worth reconsidering their role in your life. You deserve to be around people who bring out the best in you. 9. They're Constantly Unreliable Reliability is a cornerstone of trust and security in any relationship. If you find someone is consistently unreliable, it can be a significant source of stress. A relationship where you're left wondering if the person will show up or follow through isn't sustainable. Consistency in actions builds trust, while inconsistency breeds doubt. You deserve connections where you can count on people to be there when they say they will be. Unreliable people can often leave you feeling anxious or unsure. If you're constantly second-guessing whether someone will keep their word, it might be time to reassess. Being let down repeatedly can chip away at your confidence in a relationship. Trust is built on the assurance that people will keep their promises. If someone can't provide that, you might need to reconsider their place in your life. 10. They're Too Judgmental Healthy relationships are built on understanding and acceptance. If someone consistently judges your choices or lifestyle, it's a sign they may not accept you as you are. Judgmental attitudes can create a hostile environment, making you feel constantly scrutinized. Being in a relationship where you feel the need to conform or hide your true self can be exhausting. You deserve relationships where you're accepted without conditions. Judgmental behavior often stems from a lack of empathy or understanding. It can hinder open communication and create a barrier to genuine connection. When you feel judged, you might start questioning your choices, leading to self-doubt. It's essential to be around people who accept your decisions, even if they disagree. If judgment is a consistent theme, it might be time to evaluate the relationship's worth. 11. They Compete With You Friendly competition is one thing, but when it feels like someone is always trying to one-up you, it can be damaging. Competitive dynamics can erode the sense of support and camaraderie in a relationship. Instead of celebrating your successes together, it becomes a contest. This competitive edge can create resentment and tension over time. Relationships should be a safe space for shared growth, not a battleground. Competing with a friend or partner can make you question their motivations. You might start to feel like there's no room for your achievements unless you're outdoing them. This kind of relationship dynamic can hinder your progress and affect your self-esteem. It's important to be with people who appreciate your accomplishments without feeling threatened. If competition overshadows collaboration, it might be time to reconsider the connection. 12. They're Secretive And Dishonest Honesty is non-negotiable in any healthy relationship. If someone is consistently dishonest with you, it breeds mistrust and insecurity. Lies, even small ones, can add up and create a foundation of deceit. When honesty is absent, the relationship's integrity is compromised. You deserve to be in relationships where truthfulness is a given, not a rarity. Dishonesty can manifest in various ways, from white lies to significant deceit. Over time, this can erode the trust you have in someone, leading to constant suspicion. It's challenging to maintain a healthy relationship without a foundation of truth. If you find yourself questioning their words or actions frequently, it's a sign to reassess the relationship. Trust is built on honesty, and without it, a relationship can't flourish. 13. They Don't Listen To You Feeling heard is fundamental to feeling valued in any relationship. If someone regularly talks over you or dismisses your thoughts and feelings, it's a sign they're not truly invested in the relationship. Listening is an act of respect and love, and when it's absent, it creates a disconnect. You deserve to be with people who take your words seriously and consider your perspective. Communication is a two-way street, and both voices should be heard. When someone doesn't listen, it can make you feel insignificant or unimportant. This lack of attention can lead to misunderstandings and frustration in the relationship. It's crucial to be with people who genuinely care about what you have to say. If communication feels one-sided, it might be time to evaluate why you're maintaining this relationship. Everyone deserves to be heard and understood by those they care about. 14. They're Unsupportive During Tough Times Tough times are when you most need support from those around you. If someone consistently fails to show up when you're struggling, it's a sign they may not have your best interests at heart. Support during challenging periods is a hallmark of a strong relationship. When it's absent, it can feel like you're facing difficulties alone. You deserve to be surrounded by people who are there for you, rain or shine. An unsupportive friend or partner can leave you feeling isolated. During tough times, having a reliable support system is crucial for your well-being. If they're not willing to be there in your low moments, question the strength of the bond. Relationships should offer comfort and encouragement when you need it most. If someone isn't providing that, it might be time to reevaluate their place in your life. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
13 Times You Thought You Set A Boundary But Accidentally Built A Wall Instead
Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being. However, it's easy to misinterpret the line between a healthy boundary and an emotional wall. These walls can unintentionally isolate you from others, causing more harm than good. Let's explore those moments when you thought you were setting a boundary but ended up building a wall instead. 1. Saying "No" To Everything You've finally embraced the power of saying "no," and it feels liberating. However, you've started saying it to almost every request without considering the context. You're trying to protect your time and energy, but now, people hesitate to ask you for anything. Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher, emphasizes that while setting boundaries is essential, being overly rigid can lead to isolation. Finding a balance where you can say "yes" to opportunities that align with your values is key to maintaining relationships. The danger in saying "no" too often is that it can become a reflex rather than a thoughtful decision. When you reject everything, it sends a message that you are unavailable, potentially cutting off supportive connections. The boundary morphs into a wall, preventing meaningful interactions. People begin to perceive you as detached, and opportunities for growth are missed. It's important to evaluate each request individually rather than defaulting to a negative response every time. 2. Ignoring Texts And Calls In the age of constant connectivity, the barrage of notifications can be overwhelming. Ignoring texts and calls becomes your method of coping, a way to reclaim your time and space. Initially, this feels like a boundary that allows you to focus on what matters. However, over time, this habit can alienate the people who genuinely care about you. They may feel neglected and undervalued, thinking you don't prioritize their presence in your life. While it's reasonable to take time for yourself, completely shutting off communication creates unintended barriers. You miss out on spontaneous conversations and the chance to share in your friends' lives. People may start to assume that you're uninterested in maintaining a connection. This "boundary" could lead to misunderstandings or lost friendships. Balance is key—you can be selective about when to respond without disappearing entirely. 3. Being Overly Private Everyone deserves a level of privacy, but keeping everything about yourself under wraps can have unintended consequences. You might think that being private protects you from vulnerability, but it can turn into a barrier that keeps others from truly knowing you. According to Dr. Harriet Lerner, an expert in relationships, being overly private can hinder intimacy and trust, essential components of strong relationships. Sharing bits of your life can create connections and understanding with others. When you keep too much to yourself, people might see you as secretive or untrustworthy. This can make it difficult for others to approach you or feel comfortable sharing their own experiences. It becomes a wall that prevents authentic interactions and keeps relationships superficial. A healthy boundary involves selective sharing that fosters trust and connection, rather than hiding behind a cloak of privacy. Open up a little more, and you might find deeper, more fulfilling relationships. 4. Declining Social Invitations There's a certain peace in choosing solitude over social events, especially when you're often overwhelmed by crowds. Turning down invitations can feel like a form of self-care, a way to recharge without the pressure of socializing. However, consistently rejecting invitations can signal disinterest in maintaining relationships. It may come across as aloofness or disconnection, leading friends to stop inviting you altogether. The intention might be to protect your peace, but it can inadvertently build walls that separate you from others. Social events are opportunities for connection and shared experiences, essential for nurturing relationships. When you always opt out, you miss out on these bonding moments. Instead of outright refusal, consider attending selectively or for shorter durations. This way, you maintain your social ties without compromising your need for downtime. 5. Always Keeping Conversations Surface-Level Engaging in small talk can feel safe; it's a way to participate without diving into anything too personal. However, keeping every conversation at surface level can prevent genuine connections. People might perceive you as indifferent or shallow, which can limit the depth of the relationships you form. A study by Dr. Matthias Mehl from the University of Arizona found that more substantive conversations lead to greater happiness and connection between individuals. By avoiding deeper topics, you miss the opportunity to truly understand and be understood by the people around you. This can result in relationships that feel superficial and unfulfilling, as if there's an invisible barrier between you and others. Being open to discussing more meaningful subjects can demonstrate your interest in the people you're with. It can transform a boundary meant to protect you into a bridge that fosters closer relationships. 6. Having Strict Schedules Having a structured schedule can be an effective way to manage your time and commitments. It provides a sense of control and predictability in a chaotic world. But when your schedule becomes inflexible, it might start to prevent spontaneous interactions. People might feel like they have to book an appointment just to see you, making them hesitant to reach out. Your well-intended boundary of time management turns into a wall that blocks unforeseen opportunities. This wall can create a distance between you and your loved ones, making them feel like they're not a priority. It may also cause you to miss out on impromptu moments that bring joy and variety to life. While having a routine is beneficial, consider building in some flexibility to accommodate unexpected plans or visits. Balancing structure with spontaneity keeps your schedule from becoming a barrier to your social life. 7. Limiting Emotional Expression It's understandable to want to protect yourself from emotional hurt by limiting how much you express. But when you consistently keep your emotions in check, it can create a wall between you and those who care about you. According to psychologist Dr. Susan David, emotional agility is vital for sustaining healthy relationships. By not expressing your feelings, you miss out on the chance for empathy and support from others. Keeping your emotions bottled up may lead others to view you as emotionally unavailable. This can make it hard for people to connect with you on a deeper level, as they may feel unsure about how you truly feel. Your boundary becomes a wall, keeping you isolated from the emotional richness of relationships. Instead, try sharing your emotions in a balanced way, allowing others to understand and support you in times of need. 8. Setting High Expectations Having high standards, especially in relationships, can be a way to protect yourself from disappointment. However, when these expectations are set too high, they can turn into a wall that no one can climb over. People in your life may feel like they constantly fall short, leading to frustration and resentment. Your well-intentioned boundary meant to filter out negativity could end up isolating you instead. When expectations are unrealistic, they become barriers to authentic connections. It's important to distinguish between healthy standards and perfectionism. The latter can lead to a lonely existence where no one feels good enough to be in your life. By setting realistic expectations, you make room for human error and the beauty of imperfection. This approach fosters acceptance and deeper, more enduring relationships. 9. Avoiding Conflict At All Costs Avoiding conflict is a common way to maintain peace in relationships. But when you steer clear of any disagreement, it can lead to unresolved issues and resentment. This avoidance becomes a wall that prevents open communication and growth within relationships. While the intention is to keep things smooth, it can stifle honesty and authenticity between you and others. By not addressing conflicts, you miss the opportunity to address misunderstandings and strengthen bonds. Over time, this wall of avoidance can lead to distance and dissatisfaction in relationships. It's important to approach conflicts as opportunities for constructive dialogue and problem-solving. Facing disagreements head-on can transform a boundary meant to keep peace into a path for stronger connections. 10. Being Self-Sufficient To A Fault Being self-sufficient can feel empowering and can be a way to maintain control over your life. But when you never ask for help, it can create a wall that keeps others at a distance. Friends and family may feel unnecessary or undervalued, as if you don't need them in your life. This self-imposed boundary can lead to isolation and a lack of support when you truly need it. Constantly relying on yourself can prevent you from experiencing the benefits of community and shared responsibilities. It sends a message that you're closed off to collaboration or support. Being open to assistance can transform this wall into a bridge, allowing others to feel involved in your life. Accepting help doesn't mean you're weak; it shows strength in vulnerability and fosters deeper connections. 11. Keeping A Stiff Upper Lip Projecting a strong, unflappable exterior can be a way to protect yourself from appearing vulnerable. However, when you never let your guard down, it can create a barrier preventing others from connecting with you emotionally. People might see you as unapproachable or emotionally cold, which can deter them from forming a closer relationship with you. Your boundary of projecting strength evolves into a wall that distances you from meaningful interactions. When you always keep a stiff upper lip, it can send a message that you don't trust others enough to share your true self. This can result in superficial relationships lacking emotional depth or understanding. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable at times can show others that you trust and value their presence in your life. This can transform a protective boundary into a bridge for deeper connections and mutual support. 12. Making Decisions Without Input Making decisions independently can be an empowering way to assert control over your life. However, when you always make choices without seeking input from others, it can alienate those who care about you. It sends a message that you don't trust their judgment or value their opinions. Your boundary of independence can become a wall that blocks collaboration and mutual decision-making in relationships. By excluding others from your decision-making process, you miss out on diverse perspectives and ideas that could enhance your choices. It can lead to feelings of exclusion or resentment among friends and family who want to support you. Instead of making decisions in isolation, consider involving those who are affected or who care about the outcome. This approach can transform an isolating boundary into an inclusive and supportive network for decision-making. 13. Criticizing More Than Complimenting Offering constructive criticism can be a way to maintain high standards and encourage improvement. However, when criticism outweighs compliments, it can create an environment where people feel undervalued. This balance can erect a wall, making interactions tense and unwelcoming. Your boundary of encouraging excellence can morph into a barrier that discourages and demotivates others. When criticism is constant, it can overshadow positive interactions and achievements, making your relationships feel one-sided. It's important to celebrate successes and acknowledge efforts to maintain a healthy balance. Compliments can serve as a bridge, fostering an environment of appreciation and motivation. By balancing critique with genuine praise, you can maintain a boundary that encourages growth without building a wall of negativity. Solve the daily Crossword

Associated Press
an hour ago
- Associated Press
New Back-to-School Push Urges Nationwide Awareness and Action to Train School Bus Drivers for Active Threats
S.T.A.R.T. program empowers school bus drivers and transportation staff to identify, prevent, and respond immediately to active threats before they escalate. CHAGRIN FALLS, Ohio, July 23, 2025 /PRNewswire/ -- More than 25 million students ride the bus to school each day — yet most drivers have never been trained to respond to an active threat. That's about to change. S.T.A.R.T. (School Transportation Active-Threat Response Training) is launching a national Back-to-School effort to equip drivers and transportation teams with the training they need to recognize, prevent, and respond to active threats before police arrive. While most safety funding has traditionally focused on buildings, S.T.A.R.T. emphasizes that buses are rolling classrooms and deserve the same attention when it comes to active threat prevention and response. S.T.A.R.T.'s hands-on, scenario-based training equips drivers and transportation staff with the skills to recognize abnormal behavior, identify potential threats, and respond decisively in the critical moments before law enforcement arrives. More than 25 million students in grades K through 12 ride a school bus daily, on nearly half a million buses, making approximately 10 billion trips per year, according to the New York School Bus Contractors Association. 'School buses are often the first and last point of contact for students each day,' said Jim Levine, CEO of S.T.A.R.T. 'The bus driver, in essence, is the first responder. Our training ensures drivers and transportation teams are prepared to protect students and themselves, providing parents and school administrators with peace of mind.' S.T.A.R.T. helps school districts meet driver professional development requirements while reinforcing their duty to protect students from the moment they step on the bus until the moment they return home. Training can be scheduled year-round to accommodate bus driver availability, funding cycles and staff schedules. Law enforcement partners are also encouraged to participate, reinforcing a coordinated community response to protecting students from active threats. About S.T.A.R.T. Founded in 2015 by a former School Resource Officer who recognized a critical gap in student safety, S.T.A.R.T. (School Transportation Active-Threat Response Training) empowers school bus drivers and transportation staff to prevent, recognize, and respond to active threats. Based in Chagrin Falls, Ohio, S.T.A.R.T. operates nationwide and delivers hands-on, scenario-based training grounded in real-world experience to school districts and transportation providers. The organization is comprised of active-duty and former law enforcement officers, SWAT team members, U.S. Secret Service personnel, crisis intervention specialists, and mental health professionals. S.T.A.R.T. supports a year-round culture of preparedness from the moment students board the bus to the moment they return home. For more information, visit www. Media Contact Mike Lawson S.T.A.R.T. Communications Director Cell: 513-432-2358 Email: [email protected] View original content to download multimedia: SOURCE S.T.A.R.T.