logo
From bans on kids to plus-one snubs, what modern wedding rules make you mad?

From bans on kids to plus-one snubs, what modern wedding rules make you mad?

Maria Shriver appeared on
'Today with Jenna & Friends'
recently where she discussed her son
Patrick Schwarzenegger
's upcoming nuptials to model Abby Champion. Host Jenna Bush Hager weighed in on the guest list situation, and recommended the 'no ring, no bring' rule because, she said, 'otherwise, you could be with people that you never see again.' Shriver herself had suffered the consequences of that rule in the past; she remembered being forbidden from bringing then boyfriend
Arnold
Schwarzenegger
to her close friend's wedding due to their not being married yet.
Shriver's guest list conundrum is a common dilemma these days as nuptial norms shift and change in our modern era. Etiquette and lifestyle coach Nuwan Sirimanna of the Oakville-based Etiquette Matters Institute of Etiquette finds that people today are more relaxed about traditional
wedding rules
. 'Many old-school customs, like formal dress codes, strict gift lists and printed invitations, have been replaced with more modern, flexible choices,' he says. 'Couples now often make their weddings more personal by mixing cultures, skipping big traditions or even planning non-traditional events like backyard or brunch weddings.'
Toronto has its own unique challenges in terms of wedding etiquette as well, Sirimanna says. Our status as a big multicultural city means no two weddings are the same, so it can be tough to know what the rules are. The cost of living here is very high, making it harder for both hosts and guests to meet expectations. And our innate Canadian politeness means we may have trouble saying no, whether it's enforcing ceremony rules or turning down destination wedding invites.
So where do locals land in terms of some of the most common wedding etiquette issues these days? We polled Torontonians online, and they chimed in on some of the most pressing issues, including the 'no ring, no bring' rule, the child-free wedding trend and where we're at with paying for your plate.
In many circles, especially in diverse cities like Toronto, Sirimanna says, the strict 'no ring, no bring' rule is becoming less popular and is often seen as outdated or too rigid; some couples, however, still use the dictum to keep their guest list manageable and stay within budget, especially if space is limited.
Julia Marrocco's rule? If she's never met you or her fiancé has never met you, you're not invited to their wedding. 'This is due to the intimate nature of our wedding of about 80ish people and also, quite frankly, cost. Weddings are expensive: I mean, $30,000 is a cheap wedding in this city,' she said.
Marla Malcromoni comes from a big family, so she set up her own rule: Plus-ones had to be together for a year or longer. 'We didn't want randos attending, anyway,' she said. For her wedding, Gaby Ventura allowed plus-ones for people who didn't know anyone but the bride and groom; if people knew others at the wedding already, they didn't get a plus-one.
There are many people today who don't ever intend on getting married and have perfectly valid reasons for it, according to Jamie Seguin-Law. 'I'm not going to punish my friends or family in long-term relationships just because they aren't intending to spend a stupid amount of money to make it legal,' she said.
Other people are keen to open up the guest list to whoever the guest feels most comfortable bringing, even if that's just a friend. Many of Alexis Danielle's closest people don't have partners, and she said she wouldn't want them feeling left out. 'Platonic love needs to be celebrated and recognized in our society more.'
Sirimanna says asking for a child-free wedding is entirely acceptable in today's etiquette — and it's becoming more common, especially in North America and Europe.
'I definitely stand by the no-children rule. I have seen weddings ruined by crying infants, and what's worse, the parents don't do anything about it. That's what babysitters are for. I requested this at my own wedding,' Margo Walton said. 'And I like children. Everyone assumes if you don't want children at a wedding, you dislike kids. It's the couple's day and they are the star.'
One commenter mentioned that if they had invited everyone's children, 50 per cent of their wedding would have been kids. While some find that stance repugnant: If Jessica Arseneau was invited to a wedding and asked not to bring her children, she said she would not attend. 'Don't care if they are family or friends. To me, that is the biggest insult.'
Mehetoi S. is, however, very supportive of the no-kid wedding. 'Just get a babysitter or don't come; it was your choice to have kids, not mine,' she said. 'Kids would be bored and disruptive at a wedding anyway: Why are you going to subject them to that?'
Marrocco feels just as strongly that kids can be an integral part of a wedding: She refuses to abide by the popular no-kids rule, she said. 'We have at least 13 young children in our family and friend group, and it seems especially cruel to not include them in on our day,' she said. 'Besides my personal belief that children are a gift and should be treated with respect and care, I also think it's ridiculous to ask friends and family to seek out babysitters to come to our wedding. Especially when most of their top-choice babysitters — like parents, grandparents and siblings — won't be able to babysit because they'll be at the wedding.'
Some cite the lack of consistency in kid-free rules as the most galling of all. People have complained about being told 'no kids' and leaving their kids at home, only to see little ones at the wedding. 'No-kids rules don't bother me, but if you're going to make it a rule, then be consistent!' said Stephanie Radcliffe.
The typical range for a wedding gift in Canada is between $100 and $200 per person, according to Sirimanna. For close friends or family, it's common to give $200 or more. 'Some guests aim to match the estimated cost of their meal at the wedding, which can range from $100 to $150 per person, depending on the formality of the event and the venue,' he said. If you're attending as a couple, Sirimanna suggests doubling the amount, or at least increasing it, and if you're bringing a plus-one, it's common to add 50 per cent to 75 per cent to your gift, especially if it's a formal event. For children, a smaller additional amount is polite, but it's not expected to match the full adult rate.
Regardless of this standard, many chafe at the transactional vibe of covering your food and entertainment costs. As Kame A. put it, 'weddings aren't restaurants — guests shouldn't be expected to pay for their plate.'
Zachary S.'s close family member is getting married this year at an expensive venue, and it's already been implied everyone should cover the cost of the plate — and it's causing them great stress. '$170 to $200 a plate seems excessive for anyone to commit to; I mean, unless you want to,' they say. 'I personally would never make that decision and am struggling with that expectation on top of hotel, clothing, commute, time off work, babysitters. At that point, I would rather just take a vacation.'
Orange background

Try Our AI Features

Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:

Comments

No comments yet...

Related Articles

JJJJound Teases Salomon XT-6 Collaboration
JJJJound Teases Salomon XT-6 Collaboration

Hypebeast

time8 hours ago

  • Hypebeast

JJJJound Teases Salomon XT-6 Collaboration

Summary When it comes to footwear collaborations, few can compare toJJJJound, especially when considering quantity and diversity. The Montréal-based label has already worked withNew Balance,adidas,Plasticana,Padmore & Barnes,OTW by Vans,ASICS, andPUMAthis year. Adding to its output, JJJJound has just teased a new project withSalomon. It's been over two years since JJJJound first worked with Salomon, presenting a white and blue take on theXT-Wings 2. Now, the duo has reunited for a second project, teasing a collaborative colorway of theXT-6. The model, which dominated for Salomon at the start of the decade, has been prepared in gray, black, and red. Its quicklace system is present and has been placed atop a co-branded tongue. Another nod to JJJJound comes courtesy of the heel, which features the wordmarks of each brand in red. At the time of writing, neither JJJJound nor Salomon have shared when their collaborative take on the XT-6 will be releasing. Stay tuned for updates, including a complete look at this black and gray colorway from the duo, as the shoe is confirmed to be dropping this year based on JJJJound's 'JJJJ SALOMON 2025' caption. It will likely be initially made available viaJJJJoundwithSalomonand select retailers such asHBXstocking the shoe later on.

Why HR exec Kristin Cabot, in Coldplay concert cheating scandal, hasn't been fired — and whether she can sue the company
Why HR exec Kristin Cabot, in Coldplay concert cheating scandal, hasn't been fired — and whether she can sue the company

New York Post

time10 hours ago

  • New York Post

Why HR exec Kristin Cabot, in Coldplay concert cheating scandal, hasn't been fired — and whether she can sue the company

The Astronomer HR exec allegedly caught canoodling with CEO Andy Byron at a Coldplay concert last week appears to still have her job — even after Byron was forced to swiftly resign over the scandal. Chief People Officer Kristin Cabot is on leave, but hasn't been publicly given the boot over liability concerns, legal experts said — and it's not so easy to dump employees just because of 'ugly' headlines. Cabot's fate at the New York-based data science company is still murky — though employment lawyers also threw cold water on any possible sexual harassment case or similar claims. 4 Former Astronomer CEO Andy Byron was caught dancing with the company's Chief People Officer Kristin Cabot on camera at a Coldplay concert at Gillette Stadium in Foxborough, Mass. last week. instaagraace/TikTok 'In a real-world big company, you can't just fire someone because the headlines are ugly,' said attorney Nicole Brenecki. 'There are likely contracts, internal investigations, and legal issues involved. 'If HR greenlit what happened with Coldplay, and there is a supporting paper trail, heads will likely roll. It just might take a few more days before the axe drops.' Cabot, who took the job in November 2024 became one half of a viral public scandal when she and Byron were called out by Coldplay frontman Chris Martin on the jumbotron at the show at Gillette Stadium outside Boston. Astronomer later publicly confirmed an investigation into the incident is underway. 4 Cabot was placed on leave by the company after the video of the two executives went viral. Maud Cabot/Facebook Both Byron and Cabot appear to be married to other people, according to social media posts — adding a layer to the scandal. An email to Astronomer seeking comment on Cabot's job status was not returned Monday, though the new interim CEO weighed in on the scandal online. Here is the latest on the CEO caught cheating on a Coldplay concert jumbotron Pete DeJoy, the company's co-founder, said in a LinkedIn post the immense attention 'has been unusual and surreal for Astronomer workers. 'While I would never have wished for it to happen like this, Astronomer is now a household name,' DeJoy said. 4 Byron resigned days after the footage came out. LinkedIn/Andy Byron 'The events of the past few days have received a level of media attention that few companies – let alone startups in our small corner of the data and AI world – ever encounter,' he added. Another employment attorney, William Cafaro, suggested that booting Cabot would be easy, but he suspects the company and her might be wrangling over an exit deal. 'Like if you were to look for a picture of 'cause' [for firing] in the dictionary, it would show a picture of the head of HR having a public affair with the CEO of the company,' he told The Post. He added that it's 'difficult to conceive' how she could continue in her current role. Attorney Douglas Wigdor theorized there could be more details about the relationship that the public isn't privy to. He said that could be a factor in why Cabot has not publicly left the company. Additionally, the results of the internal probe could determine what the company ultimately does with Cabot, Wigdor added. 'Maybe there's more to the story from her,' the founding partner of Wigdor LLP said. 'That's definitely possible about how it came to be that they're at this concert and they're embracing. It's a short video so it's hard to know what exactly is going on.' Legal experts also doubted she could bring forward a claim of sexual harassment, even though Byron was her superior. 'Unless she was pressured into the relationship because of a power imbalance, there's not much of a case,' Brenecki said. 4 The Post's cover on the infamous Coldplay concert video. 'If it was consensual… a sexual harassment suit would be a stretch. In fact, a jury might laugh it out of court. Being embarrassed on a jumbotron isn't the same as being harassed at work.' Wigdor echoed that sentiment – though he again cautioned it was based on limited information. 'She'd have to demonstrate their relationship was unwanted and I think based off what I've seen would be difficult,' he said.

San Francisco's Legendary Drag Club Oasis Set to Close This Year
San Francisco's Legendary Drag Club Oasis Set to Close This Year

Eater

time10 hours ago

  • Eater

San Francisco's Legendary Drag Club Oasis Set to Close This Year

Oasis, known for its drag shows and cabaret acts for over a decade, will close its doors for good on January 1, 2026. Owner D'arcy Drollinger shared the news via social media and the club's blog, writing that they made 'the impossibly difficult decision to close our physical space and transform again.' 'Speaking frankly,' Drollinger writes, 'the rising cost of operations, paired with declining attendance and sales, have put us in a financial loss for quite some time and made sustaining Oasis, in its current form, untenable.' Drollinger elaborated on the press release in an interview with the San Francisco Chronicle, telling the paper that their margins are razor thin and that they've been struggling, just like other venues. 'I've had to subsidize the club every month to be able to make it through,' Drollinger says. 'Those resources are gone, I've cashed in the majority of my retirement account to keep this going.' There is a chance the popular club won't even make it to the January closure date, Drollinger says; the Chronicle writes that 'realistically, that would require a surge of ticket buyers and clubgoers.' As such, Drollinger is encouraging everyone to visit in the last months, but in one small bit of good news, Oasis Arts — Oasis's nonprofit for LGBTQ and BIPOC artists — will continue on after the closure. Peninsula favorite Sushi Sam's lives on San Mateo-based Sushi Sam's closed in December 2024, shuttering after over 20 years in business. But Palo Alto Online reports that the restaurant lives on, in a way, thanks to chef Sam Sugiyama's family. Sugiyama's nephew, Koichi Ito, is the new chef at the rebranded business — now named Sushi Edomata — while Sugiyama's niece, Toko Ito, heads the dessert business, and her husband, Ching, handles the business side. The business has relocated to its new home at 38 East 25th Avenue in San Mateo and is now open. Osito chef takes over former Wesburger spot Chef Seth Stowaway closed down his Michelin-starred restaurant Osito in May 2025, but it looks like he's ready for his next act. The San Francisco Standard reports that Stowaway will take over the WesBurger 'N' More space in the Mission, following the burger spot's closure earlier this month. The Standard writes that Stowaway plans to open a 'casual, family-friendly restaurant' that pays tribute to the chef's roots in Texas, and is tentatively called Chicken Fried Palace. The Monterey Abalone Festival debuts Abalone diehards now have a space to gather, thanks to the first-ever Monterey Abalone Festival, the Mercury News reports. Running from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on July 26 and 27 at the Japanese American Citizens League Hall at 424 Adams Street in Monterey, the event features talks from commercial abalone farmers and fishermen, film screenings, abalone races, an 'abalone-centric' walking tour, and an abalone dance by the Monterey Rumsen Ohlone Community on Del Monte Beach. Unfortunately, there won't be any abalone dishes for sale at the event, but more information about the event programming can be found on the website. Eater SF All your essential food and restaurant intel delivered to you Email (required) Sign Up By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Notice . This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

DOWNLOAD THE APP

Get Started Now: Download the App

Ready to dive into a world of global content with local flavor? Download Daily8 app today from your preferred app store and start exploring.
app-storeplay-store