Who's your daddy? Anyone but Donald Trump, please
Listen, I've lived through home perms, Peter Andre, my own children's teenage years and the entire Twilight saga. But nothing prepared me for a grown man with access to civilisation-ending weaponry being called 'daddy' in public.
I'm sorry – what?
Is this it, people? Have we reached peak ick when world leaders sound like they're ordering drinks at a dive bar or typing in the Pornhub comments section: 'Hey daddy, can you pass the nuclear codes?'
In case you missed it (lucky for you if you did), earlier this week NATO chief Mark Rutte called US president Donald Trump 'daddy'. It had Trump looking positively luminous, as if someone had finally spoken his love language but gave me that feeling of shivery disgust like when you accidentally touch wet food in the sink drain.
Repellant? Yes, said Greens senator Sarah Hanson-Young: 'He is certainly not Australia's daddy.'
Joe Biden as Dark Brandon was bad enough, and there was a hot minute when Kim Jong-un was called a 'Tumblr daddy', which my mind has almost blocked it out. Because the daddy thing isn't just politically bizarre. It should come with a trigger warning.
Is it sexual? Is it some weird power play? A working through of childhood issues on the world stage? There are therapists for that and they're cheaper than international summits.
I have a high ick threshold (Dr Pimple Popper is my Insta go-to for a quick serotonin boost) but even so, the president of the United States as some powerful dude's daddy is pretty full on.
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