5 Things People Get Wrong About Single-Parent Adoption and Foster Care

Yahoo

3 days ago

Reviewed by Sacha Coupet, PhD, JD
Key Points
Single people who want to foster or adopt a child for a wide variety of reasons, but there might be some misconceptions about their resources and capabilities as caregivers
In fact, single people have both the opportunity and the ability to foster or adopt children
Experts say that while the adoption process might be intimidating and require commitment, its not an insurmountable process for single people and can be highly rewardingFamilies come in all shapes and sizes–including families built with the help of adoption. Every year, around 100,000 children are adopted in the United States. Single-parent adoption makes up about 28% of all parents adopting from foster care between 2017-2019. Of the 1.8 million adopted children in the U.S, 38% joined their families through private domestic adoptions, and 25% were adopted internationally.
While most adoption stories include two parents, adopting a child as a single parent is still a wonderful way to start a family—unfortunately, many misconceptions about single-parent adoption linger.
Rita Soronen, President & CEO of Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, says that, of those polled in their 2022 Adoption and Foster Care Attitudes Survey, only 48% felt single parents could provide a healthy environment for an adopted child. But experts say the reality is much different.
'There is simply no reason that a single parent can't provide exactly the right safe, nurturing and thriving environment for an adopted child,' she explains.
What are the misconceptions about single-parent adoption–and more importantly, how can these misconceptions be dispelled? Here, we gathered 5 ideas about single-parent adoption that experts say simply aren't true."'We have so many myths and misconceptions surrounding adoption and foster care adoption. We simply need to encourage everyone, from potential adoptive parents to policymakers and practitioners, to focus on the fact that every child needs and deserves the stability and support of a permanent family, no matter their age, the circumstances that moved them into foster care, or how they identify themselves.'"
Rita Soronen, President & CEO of Dave Thomas Foundation for AdoptionSingle Parents Aren't Favored to Adopt
Some parents might think that adopting as a single parent drastically reduces their chances of adopting through foster care or private adoption. But that couldn't be further from the case. All 50 states have legislation in place allowing single-parent adoption.
'Adoption, including adopting from foster care, is open to all types of family structures. People find themselves single for myriad reasons—single by choice, haven't met the right person, divorce, widowed—and these situations should not stop someone from starting a family if they choose,' Soronen explains.
Single parents go through the same steps as couples in the adoption process, she continues, which may differ community to community.
'Of course, single parents are taking on all the work of parenting, so it is important to identify and have a support system in place,' Soronen says.
Indeed, single-parent adoption is on the rise. In the 1970s, single-parent adoptions only constituted at most 4%—now single-parent adoption is nearing 30%.
You Have to Be Married to Be a Good Parent
Let's face it: a stigma around single parents exists. Traditional media amplifies the so-called 'nuclear family': a family with a mother and father at its head and with two or more kids. But increasingly, families don't fit into this narrow framework. As of 2019, nearly a quarter of children live in single-parent households.
'The biggest myth is that you can't adopt or be successful as a single parent, and it's simply not true. Families who adopt are as unique and diverse as the children in their care, and children in foster care do not need to wait for some specific notion of family,' says Soronen.
Brittany, former foster parent, and now mom to a teen girl, Kyleigh, explained how long the process of foster-to-adoption can take. It takes serious commitment to build a family, especially through adoption.
'Kyleigh came into foster care March 2021 and was with me until December 2021,' Brittany says. 'She was in a potential adoptive placement until March 2022 but returned to my home abruptly when the family changed their mind. Then she was with me until [Brittany adopted her] in November 2023."
At the beginning of the process, Brittany says she experienced feelings of shame and self-consciousness when she decided she wanted to become a parent. But Brittany didn't want to get married—and decided to step into a parental role anyway.
'I was in my late twenties and hadn't met a man I was interested in marrying; but I wanted to be a mom, even if it was temporary. I knew there were kids who needed a safe, stable home and I had the means to provide it,' she says.
Like Brittany, many single people choose to adopt or foster for myriad reasons. Perhaps they don't want to get married, or experienced the loss of a partner. Whatever the case, being single and wanting to adopt is valid. Anyone who has the capacity to love and care for a child can become a parent.
You Have to Be Wealthy to Adopt
While building a family as a single parent can be a challenge financially, you don't have to have unlimited resources to make it work. In fact, many families are choosing to have children later in life, partially because of economic security.
'You don't have to be a stereotypical, two-parent family, you don't have to own your home or be wealthy,' Soronen explains.
While domestic adoption can be quite costly, running from $20,000-$45,000, a cost which might take some financial planning on the part of a prospective single parent, foster-to-adopt can be accomplished for under $2600, and in some cases is entirely free through the public welfare system.
'Children need loving individuals in their lives who are willing to meet the challenges of parenting, who understand the journey the child has experienced while in foster care and who will make a lifetime commitment to caring for and nurturing them,' Soronen says.
Single-Parent Support Systems Are Lacking
When Brittany decided to foster Kyleigh, her main concern was whether she could provide the support her child needed.
'However, I learned those needs could be met in ways other than having a partner or spouse. I had friends, both male and female, who stepped up when I needed help,' she explains.
Not only could she lean on her friends when she needed someone to talk to, but they helped her with pick ups and drop offs, helped her with shopping, and even dropped off meals. While this looks different from a traditional family dynamic, Brittany made it work for Kyleigh.
'We had a very solid community and support system around us,' she says.
Soronen concurs: Successful, loving, and supportive families look different for everyone, and single parents are more than capable of growing a good support network.
'Family is the essential structure that we all need when life is challenging, when there is cause for celebration of life's special moments and when we simply need a place to rest. And who are we to say what that family should look like?' Soronen says.
Single-Parent Households Can't Provide Enough Love for a Child
It's a backwards and outdated assertion that single-parent homes can't offer enough love to an adopted child. Kyleigh came from a difficult situation: After her father died, her stepmother could not take care of her. She entered the foster care system at 12 years old–until Brittany brought her into her home.
'The first few days I was with Brittany I was really scared about what was going to happen to me but in the end I ended up being her forever daughter,' she explains.
Brittany says that though she faced a serious learning curve, becoming Kyleigh's mom is the best thing she's ever done. 'I've never regretted saying yes to Kyleigh,' she says.
In the end, the wellbeing of a child in an adoptive household, no matter what the configuration of parents, matters most. For Kyleigh, coming into Brittany's home was a wonderful turning point.
'Brittany is the most amazing mom a teenage girl can ever have,' she says.
Read the original article on Parents
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