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USA Today
2 days ago
- USA Today
She got into 5 colleges with mom's help. Now, who decides?
Tense and uncomfortable conversations can arise when parents dominate the discussion of where their kid goes to college. From Gayatri Patil's point of view, it wasn't an option for her daughter to attend college outside Arizona. The teenager, Mikiha Gadagkar, 17, had a different idea. Gadagkar spent her teenage years in Phoenix earning a 4.0 grade point average and loaded up on extracurricular activities, including speech, debate and photography. She wanted to make herself attractive for highly ranked economics and political science college programs – both near and far from home. Is college worth it? Here are the majors college grads say they regret the most The hard work paid off when she got into five schools, including Arizona State and the University of Virginia. And so began the tense conversation that rattles so many American households after the initial celebration of college acceptance letters: Who decides which college the student will attend? Get ready for frustration and emotional blackmail. More: Kids are ditching traditional college for career tech programs. Parents are concerned. Gadagkar told her mom she wanted to attend a college near Washington D.C. She wanted a"change of pace" and a new environment with opportunities to attend law school. But Arizona State University was still her mother's top choice. "I want her to stay close," she said. "I tried emotionally blackmailing her, saying 'I'll give you home cooked food, drive you and do your laundry' during the time of her acceptances." The family's discussions illuminate the tense and uncomfortable conversations that can arise when parents want a say in where their kids go to college. 'Sometimes it's a bad ending' The Arizona family's story is one Matthew Riley's heard before. Often, wealthy parents pay Riley, a director and senior admissions consultant at Ivy Academic Prep, to help guide their kids when applying for college. They come from two types of families: One set of parents allows their kids to take the lead on where they attend college. Those families are better at acknowledging that it is the student's life and ultimately their decision, he said. The other type is more strict. They are "controlling helicopter types" who tell their children they must apply to a certain college or pursue a certain degree, he said. "They usually say 'You will study computer science and will apply to five or 10 schools," he said. "Those are always rough to see. Sometimes students say 'Ok, my parents understand me' and sometimes it's a bad ending.' It can get ugly." Sometimes those disagreements are harmful to a young person's well being, he said. He recalled a case from last year. The student wanted to to get a degree in business or political science at George Washington University or American University, but his parents insisted he attend a university with a prominent tech program, he said. "He was passionate about government and interned with the state representative in his home state." he said. "But his parents said 'No, we're computer scientists and programmers who work for a big corporation, and you will do the same.'" That student succumbed to his parent's wishes. But during his first year, he "felt out of control" and experienced anxiety and depression, Riley said. Is college worth it? Americans say they value higher education, but it's too expensive for many Parents who work in technology, engineering or medical fields are more likely to want to pressure their kids into a certain school "in hopes for them to follow in their footsteps," he said. "The parents are affluent, both are professionals, both are educated and they control the finances," he said. Who should decide? Traci Lowenthal, a licensed clinical psychologist, helps guide families through conversations about college. "There's a fine line between having these thoughtful and open conversations and creating pressure," she said. Creating realistic expectations and timing is important to avoid putting feelings of pressure on a child, she said. They should discuss whether a family can afford college and if the young person will have to fund school themselves with loans. And they should decide together whether a student can live with independence across the country or if they are better suited staying near home. Often, parents and students open up about their real feelings about college after it's too late and the student has been shoehorned into a school that's not right for them, Lowenthal said. Or parents reveal uncomfortable financial realities after a student has set their sights on a school they can't afford. That can cause a rift. But they can be avoided. Families should discuss college options during a high schooler's freshman and sophomore years when "tensions aren't already high," Lowenthal said. Earlier conversations offer young people a head's-up about their options, family finances and parental expectations − before they start applying to schools. It can help to alleviate potential feelings of disappointment or betrayal. "Sometimes I see a student get into an amazing school and there's literally no way they can go," she said. "So in the midst of getting rejections and acceptances, the parent tells them they can't go and the student asks: How come you kept this from me?" She encourages students to do their own research to share with their parents. "It's tough. Because if your parent is like 'You have to go to my alma mater or this prestigious school,' the student has to find a way to be really honest about that and say, 'I know this is a great school, but I think this would be a better fit," she said. Lowenthal advises parents to consider the needs and desires of their child ahead of their own. "It's really hard to not want them to do what they want you to do," she said. "But this is a unique individual and not an extension of us as people." One of the arguments Gadagkar used in trying to win her mom over to the University of Virginia was telling her how high school counselors had shown which programs might best align with her career ambitions. After learning she had guidance from other adults, Patil decided to hear her daughter out. More: Have student loans? This part of the Trump tax bill won't apply to you "My mom really let me take the lead in those conversations," Gadagkar said. "It was more of me saying, kind of, how I felt and her giving her thoughts on those. I'm really grateful for that because it made it a lot less stressful." But Patil was still not fully convinced Virginia was the right option. "I studied in India, so the process here was very new to me," she said. Mom: 'I think we are happy with this decision' Gadagkar ultimately decided to attend her mother's first pick, Arizona State University, two hours from home. The teen received a scholarship that made ASU more affordable than the University of Virginia. And she'll be able to pursue economics and political science while honoring her mother's wishes. But she still thinks about what moving to Virginia would have been like. "It's definitely a change of pace since this entire year I had developed a mindset that I was going out of state," she said. "This is not what I necessarily expected. But after attending orientation, I'm feeling good." Patil, her mother, is elated Mikiha will be nearby. But she said she had warmed to the idea of sending Mikiha to the East Coast − if the option had been affordable. "I think we are happy with this decision," Patil said. Contact Kayla Jimenez at kjimenez@ Follow her on X at @kaylajjimenez.
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Yahoo
She got into 5 colleges with mom's help. Now, who decides?
From Gayatri Patil's point of view, it wasn't an option for her daughter to attend college outside Arizona. The teenager, Mikiha Gadagkar, 17, had a different idea. Gadagkar spent her teenage years in Phoenix earning a 4.0 grade point average and loaded up on extracurricular activities, including speech, debate and photography. She wanted to make herself attractive for highly ranked economics and political science college programs – both near and far from home. Is college worth it? Here are the majors college grads say they regret the most The hard work paid off when she got into five schools, including Arizona State and the University of Virginia. And so began the tense conversation that rattles so many American households after the initial celebration of college acceptance letters: Who decides which college the student will attend? Get ready for frustration and emotional blackmail. More: Kids are ditching traditional college for career tech programs. Parents are concerned. Gadagkar told her mom she wanted to attend a college near Washington D.C. She wanted a"change of pace" and a new environment with opportunities to attend law school. But Arizona State University was still her mother's top choice. "I want her to stay close," she said. "I tried emotionally blackmailing her, saying 'I'll give you home cooked food, drive you and do your laundry' during the time of her acceptances." The family's discussions illuminate the tense and uncomfortable conversations that can arise when parents want a say in where their kids go to college. The Arizona family's story is one Matthew Riley's heard before. Often, wealthy parents pay Riley, a director and senior admissions consultant at Ivy Academic Prep, to help guide their kids when applying for college. They come from two types of families: One set of parents allows their kids to take the lead on where they attend college. Those families are better at acknowledging that it is the student's life and ultimately their decision, he said. The other type is more strict. They are "controlling helicopter types" who tell their children they must apply to a certain college or pursue a certain degree, he said. "They usually say 'You will study computer science and will apply to five or 10 schools," he said. "Those are always rough to see. Sometimes students say 'Ok, my parents understand me' and sometimes it's a bad ending.' It can get ugly." Sometimes those disagreements are harmful to a young person's well being, he said. He recalled a case from last year. The student wanted to to get a degree in business or political science at George Washington University or American University, but his parents insisted he attend a university with a prominent tech program, he said. "He was passionate about government and interned with the state representative in his home state." he said. "But his parents said 'No, we're computer scientists and programmers who work for a big corporation, and you will do the same.'" That student succumbed to his parent's wishes. But during his first year, he "felt out of control" and experienced anxiety and depression, Riley said. Is college worth it? Americans say they value higher education, but it's too expensive for many Parents who work in technology, engineering or medical fields are more likely to want to pressure their kids into a certain school "in hopes for them to follow in their footsteps," he said. "The parents are affluent, both are professionals, both are educated and they control the finances," he said. Traci Lowenthal, a licensed clinical psychologist, helps guide families through conversations about college. "There's a fine line between having these thoughtful and open conversations and creating pressure," she said. Creating realistic expectations and timing is important to avoid putting feelings of pressure on a child, she said. They should discuss whether a family can afford college and if the young person will have to fund school themselves with loans. And they should decide together whether a student can live with independence across the country or if they are better suited staying near home. Often, parents and students open up about their real feelings about college after it's too late and the student has been shoehorned into a school that's not right for them, Lowenthal said. Or parents reveal uncomfortable financial realities after a student has set their sights on a school they can't afford. That can cause a rift. But they can be avoided. Families should discuss college options during a high schooler's freshman and sophomore years when "tensions aren't already high," Lowenthal said. Earlier conversations offer young people a head's-up about their options, family finances and parental expectations − before they start applying to schools. It can help to alleviate potential feelings of disappointment or betrayal. "Sometimes I see a student get into an amazing school and there's literally no way they can go," she said. "So in the midst of getting rejections and acceptances, the parent tells them they can't go and the student asks: How come you kept this from me?" She encourages students to do their own research to share with their parents. "It's tough. Because if your parent is like 'You have to go to my alma mater or this prestigious school,' the student has to find a way to be really honest about that and say, 'I know this is a great school, but I think this would be a better fit," she said. Lowenthal advises parents to consider the needs and desires of their child ahead of their own. "It's really hard to not want them to do what they want you to do," she said. "But this is a unique individual and not an extension of us as people." One of the arguments Gadagkar used in trying to win her mom over to the University of Virginia was telling her how high school counselors had shown which programs might best align with her career ambitions. After learning she had guidance from other adults, Patil decided to hear her daughter out. More: Have student loans? This part of the Trump tax bill won't apply to you "My mom really let me take the lead in those conversations," Gadagkar said. "It was more of me saying, kind of, how I felt and her giving her thoughts on those. I'm really grateful for that because it made it a lot less stressful." But Patil was still not fully convinced Virginia was the right option. "I studied in India, so the process here was very new to me," she said. Gadagkar ultimately decided to attend her mother's first pick, Arizona State University, two hours from home. The teen received a scholarship that made ASU more affordable than the University of Virginia. And she'll be able to pursue economics and political science while honoring her mother's wishes. But she still thinks about what moving to Virginia would have been like. "It's definitely a change of pace since this entire year I had developed a mindset that I was going out of state," she said. "This is not what I necessarily expected. But after attending orientation, I'm feeling good." Patil, her mother, is elated Mikiha will be nearby. But she said she had warmed to the idea of sending Mikiha to the East Coast − if the option had been affordable. "I think we are happy with this decision," Patil said. Contact Kayla Jimenez at kjimenez@ Follow her on X at @kaylajjimenez. This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: She got into 5 colleges. Does teen or mom decide?
Chicago Tribune
5 days ago
- Chicago Tribune
Column: Community Foundation of the Fox River Valley celebrates first stand-alone office in its 77-year history
When the Community Foundation of the Fox River Valley held a ribbon-cutting Thursday afternoon, the event in Aurora was more than a celebration of the 77-year-old nonprofit's first stand-alone office. Yes, the 4,000-square-foot space at 1971 W. Downer Place gives this community foundation far more room than the approximately 1,200-square-foot spot the group occupied for nearly four decades on the third floor of Old Second Bank. The board can now hold its meetings on site in a large open room, as can the scholarship committee and the high school students who are part of its Youth Engagement Philanthropy program that had previously gathered at Prisco Community Center to learn all about fundraising, grant-making and how to make a difference in their communities. More space also means this can be a collaboration hub for donors, partners and stakeholders. It can provide more opportunities for training seminars, for internships and temporary staff and allows for the option of opening this expanded area up to the community for small events, said Community Foundation of the Fox River Valley President and CEO Julie Christman. It's also a more visitor-friendly environment in terms of parking and accessibility than the third-floor space they had outgrown, she pointed out. Which all make for great reasons to celebrate. But what the new address for the Community Foundation of the Fox River Valley also represents is a significantly larger footprint the foundation is making in our communities. Just as need has grown, there are more generous people throughout the Fox Valley coming to this nonprofit with one main purpose in mind: Help others have a better life. Like Hans and Ruthie Lehmann, who lost their 15-year-old daughter Kayla in 2018, and have since raised over $300,000 for suicide prevention and awareness programs, all administered through the foundation. Or the family of Jean and Richard Cibulskis, who have a scholarship endowment fund because their parents valued love and education so highly. Every donor seems to have a remarkable story, which Christman and her staff are honored to hear and to share. 'We see so much good in the community,' she told me before the Thursday event. 'There will be people who come in here who received a scholarship 20 years ago and now want to give back. People care so much about others.' The foundation also works with other nonprofits making huge impacts in the lives of others. For example, CASA Kane County has partnered with the community foundation for nearly 30 years, but in 2012 that relationship hit another milestone when the group began managing CASA's endowment fund. Currently, there are over 700 funds – big and not as big – distributed through the foundation, which is up significantly from the 660 reported a couple years ago at its 75th anniversary. That's a far cry from the handful of $150 scholarships handed out after 1948, when Beacon-News Publisher Charles Hoefer gathered a group of local leaders together to start the organization. Since then, the foundation has awarded more than $100 million in grants and scholarships, Christman said, noting this past year alone more than $2.1 million in new grant programs were launched through the efforts of state Reps. Barbara Hernandez, D-Aurora, and Stephanie Kifowit, D-Oswego, with the state of Illinois, as well as a partnership with Microsoft; and over $3 million was awarded through the scholarship program, which 'has been at the heart of our mission from the beginning.' But those dollars 'represent more than just financial support,' Christman told the 70-some guests, which included Aurora Mayor John Laesch and several aldermen, Kane County State's Attorney Jamie Mosser, state Sen. Karina Villa, D-West Chicago, and Hernandez. 'They stand for opportunity, impact and a deep lasting commitment to improving lives across our region,' Christman said. What is so special about this local foundation is that it allows those who are not Bill Gates or Warren Buffett to be philanthropists by combining their own efforts with other groups that can make a bigger impact. So it's no surprise Christman and her staff were more than ready to show off their new digs and this new chapter in their compelling history. 'We do want to continue to grow,' the CEO insisted. 'More donors mean more funds, more relationships and more opportunities to engage with the community. 'We are always stronger together.'
