I took my 14-year-old on a cruise to Hawaii. Strangers kept telling him how lucky he was to have me as a parent.
I was feeling shut out by my 14-year-old son, as many parents of teens do.
In a fleeting conversation, he had mentioned that his dream trip was Hawaii.
I decided to take him on a cruise with no Wi-Fi so we could reconnect.
A few months ago, I found myself standing in that familiar, painful space many parents of teenagers know all too well — feeling shut out.
My 14-year-old son, all hormones and headphones, wanted nothing to do with me. He was deep in the world of friends, phones, and being "too cool" for anything that resembled family bonding.
But I remembered something he'd said during one of our rare, fleeting conversations: "My dream trip is Hawaii." So, for his 8th grade graduation, I planned a surprise. Not just a trip to Hawaii — an adventure cruise with UnCruise, a small-ship expedition company that sails the islands with a focus on nature, activity, and unplugged experiences.
I booked it hoping, somewhat desperately, that it might be more than just a vacation and that maybe, just maybe, it would bring us closer.
Now that I'm back, I can say: It did.
One of the best parts of the trip was that it wasn't just us. Our ship, the Safari Explorer, hosted about 30 other travelers. This built-in community meant we didn't drive each other crazy.
My son could hang back when he needed space, and I could talk with other adults, some of whom turned out to be unexpectedly insightful allies. Meals were communal style, which took the pressure off having to make conversation one-on-one three times a day.
I didn't anticipate how those other passengers would reflect me back to my son in a new light.
People kept telling him how lucky he was to have a mom who kayaked, snorkeled, hiked volcanic craters, and actually kept up. I think he started to see me as more than just "mom who nags" and as someone interesting, even cool.
He also saw me as someone who talked with others and contributed to group conversations. At home, I'm often wrong by default; here, I became someone worth listening to.
There were moments on the trip that transported us both, like when he spotted an octopus while snorkeling and shouted for me to come see it. His face lit up with pure excitement. For a moment, it was like he was little again, eager to share his world with me.
We were in this experience together, not as a parent and reluctant teen, but as two people seeing something amazing.
The focus of Uncruise is on adventure activities — every day we were out in nature. This almost never happens at home, where my teen would rather do just about anything than spend time with me outdoors. But here, there was no other option. Uncruise is the anti-cruise; it's about the destination, not the ship. That meant every day we hiked, snorkeled, kayaked, and swam. It turns out we both loved it.
There was also no Wi-Fi on the ship, and that turned out to be a blessing. Without the constant lure of his phone, he had no choice but to be present. We played cards, something we hadn't done in years. We talked about girls, sports, friendships — the messy, unfiltered stuff of being 14. I kept my advice to myself and just listened. It reminded me that he still wants to be heard, even if he doesn't always act like it.
A surprising highlight of the trip was hearing others compliment him. One guest told me he gave up his seat for an older man when I wasn't around. Another said he helped clean up a dropped plate of appetizers. It's easy to get lost in the eye-rolling and one-word answers at home, but here, I was reminded of the kind, thoughtful kid I'm raising.
This trip wasn't a magical fix for the challenges of parenting a teenager. But it was a window — a reminder that he's still in there, and that I am too.
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