I paid for my husband's creative retreat – I never imagined he'd find his new girlfriend there

Telegraph

10-07-2025

As far as I knew, there was no sudden trigger that led to the end of my relationship with Mike* two years ago. Instead, it was death by a thousand cuts – the way he refused to talk about why I felt so sad, or the fact that he'd arrange to go out with a friend without consulting me, leaving me eating dinner alone.
When I saw the recent speculation that Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom had split and he was already with someone else, my heart went out to her, because I know how humiliating that is. And though they appeared to be friends again, visiting Jeff Bezos on his honeymoon, I wonder how much pain she was concealing with her smile for the cameras – because trust me, being instantly replaced really hurts.
As far as everyone else in our lives knew, our marriage of almost eight years was fine. We'd met via online dating in our early thirties, and though it was physical attraction that initially brought us together, we discovered we had lots in common – we both loved hill-walking and live music, we had similar values and we liked each other's friends. After two years, he proposed in a rowing boat on the Serpentine and I was very happy.
Mike's job as a company manager was demanding, whereas I'm a music teacher and mostly work from home. We used to make an effort to do 'date night', but gradually, life got in the way. We had ageing parents who needed regular visits, weekends with Mike's son from a previous relationship who was struggling at school, and Mike was dealing with redundancies at work. After six years, our relationship felt like fire-fighting – but not together. If I tried to talk about 'us', he'd shut down.
For his fortieth, I bought him a weekend away on a creative retreat, something he'd always said he'd love to do but didn't have time to pursue. I thought it might inspire him.
When he came back, he said it was helpful, but seemed less inclined than ever to engage with me. We drifted on for another few months, but by then he was sleeping in the spare room due to our different bedtimes. Eventually, I made him sit down and asked if he still loved me. When he hesitated, I knew that was my answer. He said there was no one else, but he needed time alone to work out what he wanted from life and we were both deeply sad.
Mike moved out to a friend's house the following day and we agreed not to talk for a while to let the dust settle.
I struggled to come to terms with what had happened and would lie awake wondering if I could have done things differently, and saved our marriage. My parents were deeply upset, but they and my friends rallied round me.
Less than three weeks later, I was on Facebook, scrolling, when I saw Mike tagged in a friend's photo. Next to him was a woman I'd never seen before, and he had his arm around her. I felt faint with shock, but I calmed myself down and thought perhaps it was just a fellow guest cosying up for the camera.
Later that day, I mentioned it to a mutual friend, Cathy, hoping for reassurance, and she instantly looked embarrassed. When I pressed, she admitted she'd heard they met on the retreat and had 'kept in touch'. This was her first visit to see him – when he'd barely got the sheets on to his friend's spare bed.
Suddenly, all our sad-but-kind agreement that we'd 'drifted apart' was exposed as lies. Yes, things had become lacklustre, but I truly believe that with some effort, maybe counselling, we could have recovered. Now I understood that Mike had already checked out of our relationship emotionally, having met Ella months earlier. I had no idea if anything had 'happened' that weekend, but I suspect so. I think he was waiting to see if things could work with her before he left me.
I was beyond hurt, and deeply angry. I felt so stupid and so betrayed. I called him, and demanded to know the truth, but he swore that while they had kept in touch, she was just visiting 'as a friend' and that he 'wouldn't do that to me.'
Within a few weeks though, it was clear that Ella was a lot more than that – suddenly she was his Facebook friend, and later that month, there they were again, at his friend's birthday drinks. Six weeks after we split, they were 'out' as a couple, commenting on each other's social media posts and looking blissfully happy in photos.
I had to navigate the divorce and selling the house alone, knowing that he was already madly in love with my replacement. My friends were suitably furious on my behalf, but it didn't help. I felt utterly cast aside, as though he'd just been going through the motions until he could be with her. I'd go over and over conversations we'd had and berate myself. I am certain I would have felt able to move on much faster myself if Mike hadn't moved on at warp speed.
They are still together and I'm currently single. I'm retraining as a music therapist and sharing a flat with a friend, but it's not what I'd planned for my forties. I genuinely feel the end of my marriage would have been a lot easier to cope with if I hadn't felt shoved aside so fast, in favour of a better option.