Humor: The 5 levels of kid summer awesomeness

Yahoo

21-07-2025

If life were like a video game.
School's out!! Nearly three months of no classes, no homework, and no reason that failure to repeatedly get up in the morning will result in truancy charges and a possible civil court appearance for parents.
Woo-hoo!
The world is every kid's oyster. Or at least like a real-life video game until Labor Day.
Level 1: Freedom!
The summer game's default mode and the first level played by any kid or teen when school gets out.
Master this level by:
Opening the refrigerator at least 17 times a day for any reason at all
Having a sleepover, but not sleeping
Offering, or attempting, to wrestle someone or braid their hair
Maximizing screen time use on all available devices
Obstacles to avoid:
Invitations to go to the library or a bookstore, which may result in accidental possession of books or, worse, math workbooks
Mentioning the word 'bored,' which may result in the assignment of chores
Level 2: Camp Adventures
Getting up and leaving the house before 9 a.m. looks a lot like going to school, but don't be fooled! Instead of teachers, on this level, teenage counselors impart questionable wisdom and introduce new vocabulary instead.
Master this level by:
Coming home covered in mud, tempura paint, glitter, and/or soaking wet
Surviving an itchy bug bite, a splinter, and/or an encounter with a tick
Burning a marshmallow to a blackened crisp, but still eating it
Alternatively, simply by attending a week or more of sleepaway camp
Obstacles to avoid:
Spraying bug spray or sunscreen in their mouth (Yuck!!)
Learning the hard way what poison ivy looks like (Ouch!!)
BONUS: Pick up an Honorary Theological Degree Badge by attending a free local Vacation Bible School. Comes with a t-shirt and rubber wristband saying God loves annoying people too.
Level 3: Possibly Feral
This level is often reached after aging out of summer camp but before legal employability.
Master this level by:
Successfully chasing an ice cream truck in time to buy a treat with sweat-drenched dollars
Spying on unsuspecting neighbors or trying to build a treehouse out of particle board found in their garbage
Drinking from the hose and/or eating only popsicles for lunch
Rinsing off with water from a creek, pond, ocean, lake, fireplug, sprinkler, or swimming pool for an entire week instead of showering
Obstacles to avoid:
Petty theft, even if it's an item badly needed
Trying to start a fire, even if it's really, really tempting
BONUS: Pick up an Arts & Crafts Badge by making string bracelets with embroidery thread, tie-dying a shirt, constructing something out of popsicle sticks, or painting rocks.
Level 4*: Retro Vision
This secret summer level can only be accessed by getting a perfect score on Level 3, staying home all week while parents go on vacation, or teleporting to the 20th Century.
Master this level by:
Carrying a watermelon to gain access to a party
Getting life advice from a Chevy Chase look-alike while working as a caddy
Falling in love with the girl or boy who just moved in next door
Helping solve a crime or uncovering a conspiracy while becoming friends with a septuagenarian
Obstacles to avoid:
Swimming somewhere posted 'no swimming' if the sign is there for a good reason
Getting caught trespassing at a shuttered and/or condemned former factory/electrical plant now housing a booming underground illegal business
Level 5: Vampire
It takes many years of summer practice to make it here! The obstacles to achievement require stamina, an allergy to adult opinion, and a seriously disrupted circadian rhythm.
Master this level by:
Sleeping more than 15 hours straight and/or going an entire day without seeing the sun or sky
Doordashing a Frappuccino (just a Frappuccino) for $15.27
Complaining about having a full-time job while working fewer than 15 hours a week
Somehow getting incredibly sunburned
Obstacles to avoid:
Being in the room any time a parent or other adult mentions the words 'college applications'
Getting caught doing the 'reverse Jesus' in the liquor cabinet with a bottle of vodkaBut it will always be remembered fondly!
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