I was so scared of being alone after my divorce that I immediately jumped into a new relationship. I regret not taking the time to heal.
When I got divorced, I was so scared of being alone that I immediately went on the dating sites.
I jumped into a relationship very quickly without realizing we had different values.
When that relationship ended, I learned to heal and focus on myself.
It was only six months since my divorce became final that I did something I still regret. I created a Match.com profile.
I was just a week away from turning 40 and newly alone. I was hiding my pain so well that my friend suggested I start online dating. I knew it was a bad idea, but I took her advice anyway.
I quickly got into a relationship with a man when I should have been focusing on myself and my healing post-divorce.
Getting divorced in my early 40s was not in the plan. When it became my reality, I struggled with loneliness. I had been married for almost 16 years and had known my ex-husband for 18 years. The idea of suddenly being alone at night and having no one to share my day with was scary. It also meant having no financial support and having to rely solely on myself for the first time.
Instead of facing it, I buried that pain. I distracted myself by reading the messages from guys on dating apps.
There were too many choices on the apps, and I quickly found out that you don't know a person unless you've gone out with them a few times and learned to ask the right questions. So that's what I did.
I felt I was interviewing and hiring a man to be a boyfriend; it did not feel great. I wanted a more natural way of meeting someone, but with my busy work schedule, long commute, and kids, the apps were the best way to meet someone.
The dating apps were helping to distract me from my pain, but also making me feel even more alone. I knew I needed to get into a relationship and off the apps fast.
I wanted a nice, kind guy, and I did not care if he was older or younger. I wanted somebody who could be a great friend and show much-needed love and care.
I thought I found someone who fit the bill right after my birthday. He was tall, handsome, and a little bit older.
He portrayed himself as a strong, caring man. He also made me feel safe. He accepted my flaws, weirdness, and sense of humor.
I filled the emptiness in my heart with the occasional dates with him. I felt alive again when I heard his laughter. It was exciting and fun when we spent time together.
But something didn't feel right. We dated for two years, and ultimately, I realized we had different priorities and values. He was not my match; I just started dating him and stayed with him to avoid the cold, empty bed at night after my divorce.
I made the biggest mistake of looking happy and making my friends believe I was ready for a new relationship after my divorce. The fact is, I was not prepared for a new relationship, not even close.
I was so eager to find a man to walk down the aisle with again, but I made the wrong move. I forgot to find myself first.
It's been 10 years since that relationship ended, and I have since invested money, energy, and time into my spiritual and personal growth. I can now say I am OK with being single as I approach my 50th birthday. I now value the relationship I have with myself.
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