Your organs have their own age – and it may predict health risks better than your birthday
Your organs, it turns out, are aging on their own schedules.
A growing body of scientific research is shifting focus from chronological age to biological age, where your body's roughly 30 trillion cells, tissues and organs each have their own 'clocks' that can tick at different speeds.
According to a groundbreaking peer-reviewed study published last week in Nature Medicine, Stanford University researchers found that an organ that is substantially 'older' than a person's actual age is at greater risk of disease.
Researchers tracked this hidden timeline by analyzing thousands of proteins flowing through our blood.
The body's cells, tissues and organs all have different 'clocks' ticking at different speeds (Getty Images)
'With this indicator, we can assess the age of an organ today and predict the odds of your getting a disease associated with that organ 10 years late,' Tony Wyss-Coray, a professor of neurology and neurological sciences at the university's Wu Tsai Neurosciences Institute, said in a statement.
Take the brain, for example: an older one increases your risk of death by about 182 percent within the next 15 years, compared with people whose brains are aging normally, researchers found.
On the flip side, those with brains biologically younger than their chronological age are believed to live longer.
The study's authors concluded that having an older brain increased the risk of dementia threefold, while those with youthful brains have just a quarter of the usual risk.
'The brain is the gatekeeper of longevity,' Wyss-Coray said. 'If you've got an old brain, you have an increased likelihood of mortality.'
An older biological heart age was linked to a higher risk of atrial fibrillation and heart failure, while aging lungs signaled an increased likelihood of developing chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD).
While your chronological age only goes up, the good news is that biological age can be slowed, paused or even reversed.
Forty-year-old soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo has an estimated biological age of just under 29, according to data from the health tech brand Whoop.
Bryan Johnson has documented his journey to reverse his biological age to that of a teenager (Dustin Giallanza)
Kim Kardashian may be blowing out 44 candles on her next birthday but her biological age came in nearly a decade younger, according to results from an epigenetic clock test taken on The Kardashians last year.
Meanwhile, Bryan Johnson, 47, the anti-aging tech guru and 'biohacker,' has documented his bizarre journey in an attempt to reverse his biological age to that of a teenager.
You don't need to be into biohacking to change your organ's age — they can shift depending on a variety of factors, including your genes, how much you move, what you eat, your sleep habits and how you manage stress.
Regular exercise, good nutrition and avoiding harmful habits like smoking all contribute to younger organ age and better health outcomes, according to Stanford University's research.
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30 minutes ago
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In scathing letter, NASA workers rebuke ‘rapid and wasteful changes' at agency
A group of 287 scientists and current and former NASA employees has issued a declaration lambasting budget cuts, grant cancellations and a 'culture of organizational silence' that they say could pose a risk to astronauts' safety. The document — titled 'The Voyager Declaration' and dedicated to astronauts who lost their lives in tragic spaceflight incidents of the past — is addressed to acting NASA Administrator Sean Duffy, a staunch Trump loyalist who abruptly replaced Janet Petro, a longtime NASA employee, in the agency's top role on July 9. The letter has 156 anonymous signatories and 131 public signatures — including at least 55 current employees. 'Major programmatic shifts at NASA must be implemented strategically so that risks are managed carefully,' states the letter to Duffy, a former member of Congress, prosecutor and reality TV personality who also currently serves as Transportation secretary. 'Instead, the last six months have seen rapid and wasteful changes which have undermined our mission and caused catastrophic impacts on NASA's workforce.' The letter raises concerns about suggested changes to NASA's Technical Authority, a system of safety checks and balances at the agency. Established in the wake of the 2003 Columbia shuttle disaster that killed seven astronauts, the Technical Authority aims to ensure mission safety by allowing NASA employees at all levels of the agency to voice safety concerns to leaders outside their direct chain of command. 'If you have a significant disagreement with a technical decision that's being made, (the system) gives someone an alternate avenue that's not their project manager or program manager' to express that concern, a source at Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland who asked to remain anonymous for fear of retribution, told CNN. Changes to that system 'should be made only in the interests of improving safety, not in anticipation of future budget cuts,' the declaration reads. The source said that they considered looming changes 'a really scary prospect, especially for my colleagues who work directly on the human spaceflight side of things.' The letter comes as the agency is grappling with the impending loss of thousands of employees and broader restructuring. In a statement, current NASA press secretary Bethany Stevens responded to the Voyager Declaration. 'NASA will never compromise on safety. Any reduction — including our current voluntary reduction — will be designed to protect safety-critical roles,' she said. 'Despite the claims posted on a website that advances radical, discriminatory DEI principles, the reality is that President Trump has proposed billions of dollars for NASA science, demonstrating an ongoing commitment to communicating our scientific achievements,' Stevens added in the statement. 'To ensure NASA delivers for the American people, we are continually evaluating mission lifecycles, not on sustaining outdated or lower-priority missions.' A risky resistance The signed letter is the most recent in a string of declarations rebuking proposed cuts and changes at other federal agencies. Some National Institutes of Health employees led the way in June, publishing a declaration opposing what they called the politicization of research. Another letter, signed by federal workers at the Environmental Protection Agency earlier this month, resulted in about 140 people being placed on administrative leave. At least some of those workers will remain on leave until at least August 1, 'pending the Agency's inquiry,' according to internal email correspondence obtained by CNN. One signatory of the NASA letter who spoke to CNN said they felt that expressing dissent against the Trump administration may pose a risk to their livelihoods, but they believed the stakes were too high to remain silent. Ella Kaplan, a contractor employed by Global Science and Technology Inc. and the website administrator for the NASA Scientific Visualization Studio, said she decided to publicly attach her name to the Voyager Declaration because 'the overall culture at NASA has very much shifted — and it feels a lot less safe for me.' 'That's been felt kind of universally by most minority employees at NASA,' Kaplan said. While Kaplan said her job has not yet been directly threatened, in her view, 'I'm a member of the LGBT community … and I'm probably going to be fired for this at some point, so I might as well do as much community organizing as possible before that point.' A changing culture The letter and its signatories implore Duffy to evaluate recent policies they say 'have or threaten to waste public resources, compromise human safety, weaken national security, and undermine the core NASA mission.' The declaration's criticism of changes to NASA's Technical Authority stem from statements made at an agency town hall in June. During that meeting, NASA executives said they planned to attempt to make the Technical Authority more 'efficient.' 'We're looking at: 'How do we do programs and projects more efficiently? And how much should we be spending on oversight?'' said Vanessa Wyche, NASA's acting associate administrator. Garrett Reisman — a former NASA astronaut and engineer who later served as a SpaceX advisor — told CNN that he believes implementing some changes to the Technical Authority may be welcome. He noted that NASA may have become too risk averse in the wake of the Columbia tragedy, and the current structure may be hampering innovation. But, Reisman said, any changes to the space agency's safety backstops need to be made with extreme care. And currently, he said, he does not trust that will happen. 'I have very little confidence that it will be done the right way,' Reisman, who signed the declaration, said. 'So far, this administration has used a very heavy hand with their attempts to remove bureaucracy — and what they've ended up doing is not making things more efficient, but just eliminating things.' Trump's anti-DEIA efforts The signatories who spoke to CNN each expressed opposition to President Donald Trump's directives to shutter Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Accessibility — or DEIA — initiatives. At NASA, leadership complied with Trump's executive order by shuttering a DEIA-focused branch, scrubbing pronouns from email signatures, and removing references to a pledge made during the president's previous term to land a woman and person of color on the moon for the first time. The space agency also shuttered employee groups that lent support to minority workers. The source who spoke with CNN anonymously said that DEIA policies not only ensure a welcoming work environment — they're also essential to practicing sound science. 'The concept of inclusivity being a pathway to better science is something that has become really entrenched in the overall academic and scientific community in the last decade or so,' the source said, adding that the changes 'set an immediate tone for the destruction that was going to come.' 'Indiscriminate cuts' Among the other policies that the letter decries is the Trump administration's call for NASA to shutter some projects that have Congressional backing — a move the signatories say is wasteful and 'represents a permanent loss of capability to the United States both in space and on Earth.' The NASA employee told CNN that leadership has already begun shutting down some facilities that the Trump administration put on the chopping block in its budget proposal, despite the fact that Congress appears poised to continue funding some of them. 'We've also been hearing repeatedly passed down from every level of management: No one is coming to save you; Congress is not coming to save you,' the source said. 'But it seems like Congress is moving towards an appropriations that's going to continue to fund our projects at approximately the same level.' The source noted that they have first-hand knowledge of leadership beginning to decommission a clean room — a facility free of dust and debris where sensitive hardware and science instruments must be prepared for spaceflight — despite the fact that there are ongoing tests happening at the facility. The Voyager Declaration also criticizes what it refers to as 'indiscriminate cuts' planned for the agency. The White House's proposal to slash NASA's science budget by as much as half has been met with widespread condemnation from stakeholders who say such cuts threaten to cripple US leadership in the field. Recent agency communication to staff has also noted that at least 3,000 staff members are taking deferred resignation offers, according to an internal memo, the authenticity of which was confirmed to CNN by two sources who had seen the communication. Broader workforce cuts could also be on the horizon. NASA leadership under Petro also worked on an agency restructuring plan, though the details of that initiative have not yet been made public. Other Trump-era changes denounced in the Voyager Declaration include directives to cancel contracts and grants that affect private-sector workers across the country and plans to pull the space agency out of some projects with international partners. The White House budget proposal calls for defunding dozens of projects, including the Lunar Gateway space station that the US would have worked on with space agencies in Canada, Europe, Japan and the United Arab Emirates. The letter and its signatories argue these policies are wasteful, squandering investments that have been years or decades in the making. 'American taxpayers have invested a lot of money in my education and training directly,' the Goddard source said. 'I'm in it for the public service — and I want to return that investment to them.' Editor's Note: This story has been updated with additional details.
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39 minutes ago
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Pullups Are Hard. So How Many Should You Actually Be Able to Do?
"Hearst Magazines and Yahoo may earn commission or revenue on some items through these links." THE IS one of the cornerstone exercises in fitness. The bodyweight staple grows your back, builds strength, and provides a solid benchmark of real-world capability. The downside? It's really hard to do properly. Your bodyweight plays a massive role in how many reps you can crank out—more so than almost any other exercise. Even if you're stacked with muscle, the heavier you are, the harder pullups become. And if you've never done a single rep, just getting comfortable on the bar (let alone building the strength to haul yourself up) can feel like an insurmountable challenge. But none of that is a reason to skip them; almost everyone is capable of doing multiple pullups—you just need a smart progression plan. Below, we break down what a solid pull-up goal looks like and how to get there, with tips from Men's Health fitness director Ebenezer Samuel, C.S.C.S. What's the Ideal Number of Pullups? Like most fitness questions, the answer is: it depends. 'Determining a set number of pullups guys should do is hard because it's tied to their body weight, arm length, form, and other factors, " says Samuel. That said, Samuel points to five pullups as a solid, realistic goal for most guys—but your expectations should be balanced against where you land with all of those variables. Generally speaking, the lighter you are, the easier pullups get, especially if you're relatively lean. A 160-pound guy will almost always have an edge over a 220-pound guy, even if that extra weight is Dwayne Johnson-levels of muscle. How you do your pullups also matters just as much as how many you can do. Picture ideal form: a full dead hang at the bottom, a clean pull until your chin clears the bar, and a controlled two-second descent. Nail that, and your rep count might take a hit, but your training quality won't. Strict pullups are far tougher (and more effective for building muscle and strength) than kipping, bouncing, or racing through half-reps. "Especially if your goal is to build muscle and strength, you'll want that two-second lowering phase," says Samuel. "This will torpedo your numbers, but you'll also get so much more out of your pullup." The two-second descent lines up with current research on strength training, which emphasizes the portion of the movement where your muscles are most lengthened. During a pullup, that occurs when your body is nearest to the ground."This is the hardest part of the pullup," says Samuel. "Don't waste that moment, even if your numbers do take a hit." So, what is the ideal number of pullups to be able to do? More than you can do right now. If you've never done a single pullup, your goal is simple: get one clean rep. From there, Samuel says to work up to eight to 10 reps with good form. If you're already banging out sets of 10, add weight and build your way back up. And if you're a bigger dude, every extra rep is a legit accomplishment. How to Do a Perfect Pullup Proper form is key to getting the most out of your pullup sets. The steps below walk you through each phase of the pullup to help you maximize your progress. Start by grabbing the bar with your palms facing away from you. Step up to it if it's out of reach—don't jump and flail your way into position. Find your grip. A wide grip limits your range of motion (and recruits more back), while a narrower grip brings your biceps into play and makes the move slightly easier. Pull your shoulder blades down and back to engage your lats. Brace your abs like you're about to get punched. Squeeze your glutes and keep your legs slightly in front of your torso—your body should form a slight "hollow" position, not hang limp like a scarecrow. Rotate your elbows forward to externally rotate your shoulders. Drive your elbows down and slightly back—think about pulling them into your back pockets—to bring your chin above the bar. Pause briefly at the top. No bobbing, no bouncing. Lower yourself slowly, with control, until your arms are fully extended. That's one perfect rep. What If I Can't Do a Pullup? Doing a single pullup is a big-time milestone for many people, but getting there can feel impossible. You can't scale pullups quite as easily as machine-based movements (like the lat pulldown), but there are a handful of regressions you can train to get your first pullup. Integrate one or two of these moves into your training on a daily basis, and gradually, over time, you'll get closer to your first pullup rep. "The key is razor-sharp consistency," Samuel says. "The pullup is a skill, and you'll have to train it like a skill, drilling it every single day." Do three to four sets daily, alternating principles—and in a few months, you can expect to hit your first pullup. Exercise 1: Static Hold Stand on a box beneath your pullup bar and jump to the top position of the pullup. Hold there for as long as you can, squeezing your back muscles. Sets and reps: 3 sets of 20-second holds Exercise 2: Eccentric Pullup Set a box under a pullup bar, stand on the box, and grip the bar a little wider than shoulder-width apart. Jump up so that your chin is above the bar and resist the downward pull of gravity so that you are suspended. Slowly lower yourself for a count of three to five seconds. Sets and reps: 3 sets of 3 to 5 reps Exercise 3: Inverted Row Start with a bar placed in a rack or Smith machine, lying on your back underneath. Adjust the bar to a height just above your reach with your arms extended. Reach up and grab the bar with an overhand grip, with your hands just wider than shoulder-width apart. Put your feet together, forming a straight line from your feet to your shoulders. Pull yourself up off the floor, squeezing your shoulder blades, abs, and glutes to create full body tension. Pull yourself up, imagining that you're pulling the bar down to your chest. Pause for a count at the top of the movement. Lower yourself back down under control. Sets and reps: 3 sets of 10 to 15 reps How to Increase My Pullup Reps Once you can do a pullup, work up to eight to 10 body weight reps. This is no easy feat. It's not unreasonable to expect to put in months of work before reaching this next all of the moves below on the same day in the order they're listed twice a week. This workout is a bit more demanding than the previous program, so don't add additional back work if you feel it's detracting from your pullup progress. If you do have the bandwidth for another exercise, make it a row since this program consists of all vertical pulling movements. Exercise 1: Low-Rep Drill Hang from a pullup bar with an overhand grip, hands set slightly wider than shoulder width apart. Pull yourself up until your chin clears the bar. Let go of the bar and land on the ground, absorbing the impact by slightly bending your knees. Rest for a few seconds and then do another rep. Sets and reps: Do five sets of 1 rep during week 1; 4 sets of 2 the next week; 3 sets of 3 the next week, and so on until you can do a set of five strict pullups. Exercise 2: Assisted Pullup Hang a resistance band over the bar, pulling the shorter loop through the longer one. Place your feet or knees on the bottom loop. Hang from the bar and do pullups following the instructions above. Sets and reps: 2 sets of 8 reps. Exercise 3: Scapular Pullup Get into a good hanging position on the bar. Once your arms are extended, elevate your neck as much as you can. Pause for a count, then lower back down. Sets and reps: 3 sets of 8 to 10 reps Exercise 4: Rest-Pause Drill Set a target number of pullups for each set, and make that number larger than what you can comfortably do in one go-round (say, 5 for a beginner, 10 if you've been doing pullups for awhile). Do as many reps as you can. When you can no longer do any more good-form reps, dismount from the bar, count to 5, and go right back to doing reps. Again do as many as you can. Repeat this pattern until you've hit your target number of reps for the set. Then rest 90 seconds. Sets and reps: 2 to 3 sets. "I love this method," says Samuel, "because it gradually teaches your body to manage higher volumes." This only works once you've learned basic pullup technique, but it's a powerful way to train your body to consistently pile up higher rep counts in each set. How to Level Up Pullups for Progression Pullup training doesn't end once you can do multiple sets of eight to 10 reps. If you're at this point, congrats, you're undoubtedly stronger and more muscular. Now it's time to ramp up the intensity of your pullup training by implementing the techniques below. Unlike the plans above, this isn't a specific regimen. Instead, these are three different ways you can modify your pullup sets to make them harder. Add Weight The simplest way to make pullups more challenging is to add weight. Once you can hit 10 clean bodyweight reps, add 10 to 20 pounds and see how many you can do. When you find a load you can move for four to six solid reps, stick with it and focus on building your volume. Add a rep or two each week until you're back at 10 clean reps—then tack on another 5 to 10 pounds and repeat the Vest (with Plates, 8.75lbs) $169.99 at Weight Vest 2.0 $195.00 at You can add resistance by: Wearing a weighted vest, holding a dumbbell between your feet, or knees or attaching a weight plate to a dip belt worn around your waist. Pick whichever method feels the most comfortable for you and make sure your form doesn't break down under load. Push Past Failure Half-reps won't do much if that's all you ever do, but they're a powerful finisher when used strategically. Recent research has found that lengthened partials— half reps performed in the stretched position of an exercise—can drive muscle growth nearly as effectively as full-range reps. For pullups, that means training the bottom of the lift. To do them: After your last set of full-ROM pullups, immediately start pulling yourself about half way to the bar from a dead hang. Do as many partial reps as you can; you'll probably only be able to get a few extra. Focus on pulling your elbows toward your ribs and feeling the burn right under your armpits. Train Pullups More Often If you want to get better at something, you need to practice. Pullups are no different. Try training pullups hard three times per week. We suggest starting each workout with pullups if they're a priority for you. And depending on your workout split, you can make pullups the main exercise on your back or pull day and then tack it onto two training days that don't target your back—so chest day and leg day, for example. This ensures that your pullup sets won't interfere with the rest of your training. Don't do the same set and rep scheme each workout, either. Now that you can tolerate more volume, use periodization training to focus on a different skill each workout—endurance, strength, and hypertrophy (or muscle gain). Here's how it could look: Day 1—Weighted Pullup: 5 sets of 5 reps Day 2—Bodyweight (or weighted) Pullup: 3 working sets of six to 12 reps Day 3—Bodyweight Pullup: 3 sets of AMRAP (as many reps as possible) You Might Also Like The Best Hair Growth Shampoos for Men to Buy Now 25 Vegetables That Are Surprising Sources of Protein
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39 minutes ago
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10 Questions to Help You Plan for the End of Life
Credit - Photo-Illustration by Chloe Dowling for TIME (Source Image: ugurhan/Getty Images) Talking about death doesn't have to be morbid. If you approach the conversation the right way, 'it makes us more awake to our lives,' says Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider, founder of End Well, a nonprofit that aims to change the way people talk about and plan for the end of life. 'When we avoid this discussion, we rob ourselves of one of life's most clarifying forces—and that's the awareness that our time is finite.' There are other benefits to planning ahead. Research suggests that the majority of people don't get the end-of-life care they want: While 80% would like to die at home, for example, only 30% do. Ungerleider has found that those who experience the most peaceful deaths tend to be the ones who have had ongoing conversations with themselves and their families about their wishes, including their values, fears, and hopes for how they want to be remembered. These discussions 'should be as common as financial literacy,' Ungerleider says (another topic people too seldom discuss). 'Embracing mortality is one of the most life-affirming things you can do.' Ideally, these conversations should start in early adulthood, around age 18, and continue as the years progress and life evolves. We asked experts to share 10 essential questions to ask yourself—and your loved ones—to plan for the end of life. 'Who is your decision maker?' If you're no longer able to make your own health-care decisions, someone else needs to do it for you. Every adult has the right to designate who they want that person to be—and if you don't do it, your state will. 'That's the most practical and tangible question and decision that everybody needs to think about,' says Paul Malley, president of Aging with Dignity, a nonprofit that created the Five Wishes advance directive, a simplified legal document that helps people express their preferences. Choose someone who knows you well, cares about you, and is adept at making difficult decisions, he advises. 'What's your guidance for life support?' If you were approaching the end of life, what kind of medical treatment would you want—or prefer to be spared from? Your answers will likely vary depending on the circumstances, Malley points out, so think through some of the most common ones: when you're close to death; in a coma and not expected to wake up or recover; or suffering from permanent and severe brain damage. You should specify exactly what kind of procedures, devices, and medications you want, and which you don't want. Read More: 10 Questions to Ask Your Parents While You Still Can The way you answer this question will likely be different at age 45 compared to age 85. Malley suggests revisiting your plan at least every five years, as well as any time there's a big change in your health. 'What makes you physically comfortable?' Everyone wants to be treated with dignity at the end of life. To help ensure that happens, share your guidance for what family members, doctors, and nurses can do for you. 'Things like, 'I want a cool, moist cloth put on my head if I have a fever,'' Malley says. ''I want my hands massaged with warm oils as often as they can be.'' When Malley talked about his mom's end-of-life wishes with her, she said she didn't want to be massaged all over her body, because it would make her ticklish. He asked if she might enjoy hand massages, because she always loved manicures. 'She said, 'Oh, that would be wonderful,'' he recalls. 'So when my mom was nearing the end of her life with cancer, we were able to take very good care of her hands.'' Making these wishes clear is like 'giving an instruction book to the people who love you about how to take good care of you,' he adds, instead of leaving them to hope they're doing right by you. 'Where are the important documents?' Always ask your family members if they have a will or trust—and if they don't, it's time to change that. It's also a good idea to talk through bank accounts, investments, and passwords, says Rebecca Feinglos, a certified grief support specialist and founder of Grieve Leave, a community that provides grief support. Make sure you know who their lawyer is, too. 'It's better to ask on the front end, even if it's uncomfortable, because if it reveals that something isn't done, you can get it done,' she says. 'What would a good day look like for you?' Ask this question over and over again—of both yourself and your loved ones. You might be surprised at the answer. Feinglos' grandmother, for example, said it was going shopping, or sitting at home and watching the birds out the window. When she couldn't physically shop anymore, Feinglos brought the impromptu fashion shows to her. Read More: 8 Things to Say When Someone Lies to You Understanding what contentment looks like allows you to make your loved ones' days as happy and fulfilling as possible. Keep in mind that 'a good day looks different over time,' Feinglos says, especially with age and illness progression. 'What possessions matter the most to you, and what do you want to happen with them?' Feinglos' late father was a world-renowned mineral collector, and leading up to his death, the two discussed his wishes for his collection. 'We knew what he wanted,' she says, which enabled the family to donate their dad's most prized possessions to a Harvard museum. Read More: What to Know About 'Death Cleaning' Your loved ones might not have a museum-worthy collection, but chances are they're holding onto something else that matters to them dearly. Feinglos' grandmother, for example, cherished a special silver pocketbook. 'I only knew it mattered because we had those conversations, and she was like, 'I really want you to have this,'' she says. ''Go get it and let me tell you about it.'' In Feinglos' own will, she specifies that two of her best friends are responsible for going through all her clothes and purses. 'I know they'll understand how much they matter to me, and that they'll appreciate them,' she says. 'What do you want your funeral or memorial to be like?' This can feel particularly tough to talk about—but it's 'critical' to ask your family members for their wishes, and to share your own, Feinglos says. You should also discuss what you want to happen with your physical remains. 'If you don't have those conversations, you're trying to guess what that person would have wanted, and it feels really uncomfortable," she says. 'When you think about the future, what worries you the most?' Maybe the answer is becoming a burden to family members, dying in pain, or being forgotten. 'Our fears show us our values,' Ungerleider says. Naming them offers your loved ones the opportunity to figure out how to alleviate what you're worried about—while providing you with a sense of comfort and security. Aim to be as vulnerable as possible, even if it's hard: 'If you can let yourself go there—even tiptoeing into some of these discussions—it can allow you to know the people in your life even better, which can be inherently meaningful,' she says. 'What kind of interactions do you want to have?' If death seems imminent, do you want people with you? 'Do you want them to play music? Do you want pictures of your grandkids? What name do you want to be called?' Malley asks. 'Do you want to be visited by a chaplain or your priest or your rabbi or your faith leader?' Read More: The Race to Explain Why More Young Adults Are Getting Cancer Malley recalls one woman who described her dad as the most outgoing person she had ever met. She assumed he would want to be surrounded by all his friends in his final days—but he said he wanted only immediate family. 'We all do the best we can to guess what our loved ones would want,' Malley says. 'But if we ask them, we might actually get different information, and then we're happy to do it.' 'What do you want your loved ones to know?' It might feel important for you to express love or forgiveness to family members—or to ask for forgiveness for times you hurt them. Maybe you want them to know you don't fear death, or you'd like to see your estranged kids make peace with each other. Share these wishes with your family members while you still can, Malley advises, perhaps during a quiet conversation in a coffee shop or around the dinner table. 'Anything will be more comfortable than an emergency room or a lawyer's office,' he says. Remember: By having the tough conversations early, you're eliminating 'the chaos that can exist when there's no plan,' Malley says. 'Chaos is the last thing families need in a time of crisis.' Contact us at letters@
