Why can't men make friends? Ask Paul Rudd

Sydney Morning Herald

2 days ago

Men should not have friends. At least that's what Friendship, the black comedy starring Paul Rudd and Tim Robinson, suggests.
In the film, Craig (Robinson), is a slightly awkward suburban dad who meets his neighbour, Austin (Rudd). At first, the friendship flourishes – Austin even invites Craig to a gathering with his other male friends. But Craig becomes increasingly over-invested in the friendship, pushing further and further until the relationship completely fractures.
Directed by Andrew DeYoung, the storyline is extreme, but it still explores a question many men have likely pondered at some point: Why is it so challenging to make friends with other men?
It largely depends on how they've been raised, says Integrated Way relationship counselling specialist Daniel Lichtman. Many, particularly those in western cultures, are taught early on to be more emotionally contained and task-oriented rather than relationship-oriented.
'Many men don't necessarily seek out a relationship for the sake of having a relationship,' he says. 'When men are struggling, they're less likely to reach out to a friend for connection because they often feel more shame and embarrassment in vulnerability than women.'
Instead, many opt for 'going at it alone', Lichtman says. It's a pattern of behaviour that appears to be getting worse. In 1990, 55 per cent of men told the Survey Centre on American Life that they had at least six close friends, but in 2021, that dropped to 27 per cent. Meanwhile, one in seven men say they have no close friends. Popular Australian men's forums suggest a similar trend locally.
This isn't for a lack of opportunity. There are ample avenues for men to make new friends, says Lichtman, such as sports clubs and men's walking groups. Admission numbers also indicate plenty are actively taking part.