The News Is Filled With Stories About Co-Workers Biting People — WTF Is Happening?

Yahoo

11 hours ago

You don't often get to choose who you work with. You might have to fend off managers who dismiss you, colleagues who discredit you –– and in some rare cases, a co-worker who bites you? According to multiplereports, a New York City-based summer law associate at a prestigious law firm got dismissed after biting several colleagues. In Above the Law, the outlet reported that the bites were 'not in an aggressive, 'we're beefing' way,' but that they were more than just a 'nibble.' HuffPost reached out to Sidley Austin, the firm where the associate reportedly worked, and has not heard back.Surprisingly, this is not the first time a person has been accused of chomping on the flesh of their colleague in recent days. In June, 'Cobra Kai' actor Alicia Hannah-Kim accused her co-star Martin Kove of biting her arm hard after she tapped him on the shoulder to greet him at a VIP section. Kove later issued a public apology to his 'Cobra Kai' co-star.'I was being playful in the moment but went too far and there is absolutely no excuse for my behavior,' Kove stated in his apology. Biting your colleagues, no matter for what 'playful' reason, is wrong, and yet the number of reported instances suggests that a public service announcement is needed on what kind of platonic touch is acceptable between colleagues at work. Managers who have experience with difficult or bizarre colleagues shared what they think might be going on here.
What Might Drive A Co-Worker To Bite
Alison Green, who has been giving workplace advice for over a decade on her 'Ask A Manager' site, has firsthand experience with a workplace biter. In 2017, Green received a letter from a person who was driven to bite her toxic office manager when he blocked her path and refused to get out of her way. In an update, the letter writer stated that she still hadn't left her job, nor had she been fired, and the biting was 'crazy,' but an appropriate response to abusive working conditions filled with name-calling and cursing.'I certainly haven't done it again and don't plan to. But in the long run, my office manager is a raging jerk,' the biter wrote. 'Please, show me you can do better. In the end I feel bad... but not that bad.'In this way, biting doesn't just raise alarm bells about your person; it might also indicate that you are in a toxic job where rude, aggressive behavior is being normalized. 'In my letter-writer's case, it sounded like she had been working in a dysfunctional, combative office for so long that her norms had been thrown off, and the urge to bite was a form of breaking under that pressure,' Green told HuffPost. 'It alarmed me that she didn't see it more clearly as a sign that something was very, very wrong in that office.'But whether this is a misguided and inappropriate 'playful' bite or a reaction made under extreme duress, you should still keep your teeth to yourself at work. This is what Green advised the alleged summer associate biter, which is good advice for any would-be biters:'Don't bite anyone at work ever again! It's a form of assault, and the fact that she thought it was OK says she probably needs some serious remedial education in how to relate to people at work,' Green said. 'The only people you should ever bite are those who have given their explicit consent, and at work that should never even be under discussion!' Case closed.
Never bite your co-worker. And be cautious about how you touch them in general.
Stories of workplace biters are thankfully rare. You may go your whole career without a colleague mashing their teeth into your arm, but it's much more common to deal with the conundrums of whether or not to hug or pat your colleague on the back. Know that the most acceptable form of touch in a workplace is a routine handshake. They are familiar enough 'in business that I don't think people need to worry about getting explicit consent before offering a handshake,' Green said.Denise Dudley, a psychologist and behavioral expert, said that a high-five or fist bump can also satisfy the same positive desire of 'hooray, we're on the same team' that a handshake does. But beyond these simple greetings, be cautious. Patting someone on the back or shoulder after they do great work may seem harmless to you, but many people don't enjoy being touched at work, especially by people in positions of power over them. Dudley said to consider whether the touch you want to give can be reciprocated before you do it: 'Who touches whom is a function of who has the power. So we want to make sure, whenever we touch someone... that we touch them in a way that invites them to touch us back the exact same way.' If you're a boss, you may have the power to pat your direct report's shoulder, but they cannot pay you back because of the power dynamic between your positions, Dudley noted.When in doubt, watch how your co-worker interacts with their peers and bosses before offering them anything more than a handshake. 'Aside from handshakes, I'd say default to not touching coworkers,' Green advised. 'If someone has shown themselves to be a hugger, for example, they're probably someone who will be more welcoming of a congratulatory pat on the shoulder. But otherwise, or if you haven't seen enough to be sure, err on the side of no physical touch.''There are other ways to express warmth at work — through words, tones, smiles,' Green continued. 'Very few people will say they're disappointed that their colleague didn't touch them; far more people will say they felt uneasy when someone did.'If only the biters among us took this advice to heart.
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