From ‘Let Them' to ‘The Rules', 6 self-help books and concepts that didn't hold up

Tatler Asia

12-05-2025

2. 'The Rules' by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider
Above 'The Rules' was criticised for framing having healthy boundaries as needy behaviour.
This '90s dating manual told women to play hard to get, never call first and hide interest at all costs—a blueprint for emotional inauthenticity. Though it was wildly popular when released, The Rules has since been widely rejected for promoting manipulation and gender stereotypes. Relationship experts now consider it outdated, if not harmful, particularly in a time when emotional intelligence and clear communication are considered essential. 3. 'The 5-Second Rule' by Mel Robbins
Above In 'The 5-Second Rule', author Mel Robbins writes about the secret to one's life.
Another entry from Robbins, this concept urges people to count backward from five and act before hesitation takes over. While effective as a short-term motivational nudge, psychologists have questioned its scientific legitimacy, noting the lack of peer-reviewed evidence to support long-term behavioural change. For all its virality, the rule is more of a life hack than a life strategy—hardly the transformative framework it's often marketed as in self-help books and seminars. 4. 'Girl, Wash Your Face' by Rachel Hollis
Above Critics of 'Girl, Wash Your Face' claim that it offers tone-def and privileged advice.
Rachel Hollis' empowering tone—focused on radical self-accountability—initially resonated with millions. But critics pointed out how it glossed over structural inequality, promoting hustle culture without nuance. Her downfall wasn't just philosophical. Hollis ignited public backlash after comparing herself to social activist Harriet Tubman (who escaped slavery and saved friends and family from the same fate) while defending her use of housekeepers, then doubled down in a tone-deaf apology. Her brand of self-help was exposed not just as problematic, but also woefully unaware of its own privilege. 5. 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' by Mark Manson
Above 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' has sold over 20 million copies, but critics say its simplistic and misogynistic.
With its brash title and anti-positivity stance, Manson's book offered a welcome break from sugar-coated affirmations. But some mental health professionals say it swings too far into emotional detachment, encouraging people to disengage rather than process. In trying to help readers prioritise what truly matters, it risks promoting a flattened emotional spectrum—one that can diminish empathy and discourage vulnerability. It's also laced with profanity, which puts off a lot of readers. 6. 'The 4-Hour Workweek' by Tim Ferriss
Above 'The 4-Hour Workweek' has been heavily criticised for promoting modern exploitation.
Once seen as the ultimate entrepreneurial guide, The 4-Hour Workweek is now viewed by some as tone-deaf and ethically fraught. Ferriss' philosophy hinges on outsourcing life's grunt work—often to underpaid virtual assistants in the Global South—so the wealthy can 'escape the rat race'. Critics argue this amounts to a tech-age fantasy built on modern exploitation, privileging freedom for the few at the expense of the many. The book's promises also feel increasingly out of step in a post-pandemic world where work and life have blurred beyond Ferriss' tidy formula.