‘A pretty hard crash landing': The fatherload of parenting Justin didn't see coming

The Age

3 days ago

Justin Fry always wanted to be a dad. But after his first child was born last year, he struggled with exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed, particularly when he returned to work.
'Once everything went back to normal, it just became a bit of a shock,' says the 44-year-old operations manager from Melbourne.
Fry's parents died when he was young, and he says his wife's parents have not provided as much support as he expected. Having relocated to Melbourne from Perth a few years ago, the couple don't have a broad support network of friends to lean on.
'We went to classes, you know, what you do when you're an expecting parent … but the thing they don't tell you is the stuff around the support network and how important that is. So it was a pretty hard crash landing.'
Working 10-hour days, with an hour commute each way, Fry says fatherhood has been mentally and physically exhausting. While he and his wife both work, he's felt increased pressure to fulfil the breadwinner role since becoming a dad.
Being an older dad, too, has its challenges.
'No one mentioned going into this, 'hey, you're 40 years old, just be prepared. This is going to cripple you.''
New Australian research published this month highlights the importance of fathers' mental health in the perinatal period.
The systematic review and meta-analysis aggregated results from 84 studies across 48 groups of people, and found a consistent association between mental distress in fathers and poorer social-emotional, cognitive, language, and physical development in their kids.