Beyond the spotlight: Ntobeko Sishi's candid confession on rejection's silent struggles

IOL News

08-07-2025

He recounted losing his mother at the age of six in a TikTok snippet.
Image: Instagram
We don't always know what battles the person next to us is fighting.
There's a quiet kind of pain that often goes unnoticed. It doesn't scream, it doesn't ask for help it simply sits beneath the surface.
And too often, we carry it with us, pretending it doesn't hurt.
A viral interview featuring South African actor and musician Ntobeko Sishi recently cracked open this silence. Known for his breakout role as Ntokozo in the hit drama "Gomora", Sishi shared a raw, deeply personal story of loss, rejection, and ultimately, forgiveness.
His words not only moved thousands online but also unearthed a universal truth: sometimes, we are grieving people who are still alive.
'Rejection has been a huge part of my life … and trying to make it have less of a negative impact on me has been the biggest challenge,' Sishi confessed on "The Inside Show" podcast with George Avakian.
In a TikTok snippet, he relays how he lost his mother at just six years old. What followed was a painful twist: just four years later, his father, his only remaining parent disowned him.
At 10, he found himself alone at Durban airport, unsure of where he belonged. That kind of abandonment, he said, never really leaves you.
This experience is far from uncommon. The pain of emotional abandonment. While we often discuss the grief that follows physical death, the emotional toll of being rejected especially by family is less understood but equally devastating.
A 2019 study published in Frontiers in Psychology highlights that social support is a critical buffer against the negative impacts of grief and rejection.
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But what happens when that support is missing? Or when family the people we're told to rely on are the very source of our wounds?
Rejection by a caregiver can result in long-term impacts on a person's self-esteem, attachment style, and ability to trust others.
And yet, this form of grief is rarely named or acknowledged. We don't talk enough about when your own blood wants nothing to do with you.
The truth is that many people silently endure this type of emotional exile. And they carry it with grace as if it never happened.
He recalled: 'My mother always told me, 'it's okay to cry at night. But when the sun rises, put on a smile and walk with grace'. Your pain doesn't need to be worn on your face.'
But sometimes, silence is heavy. Sometimes, it needs a voice. Grieving the livingThere's a name for this: ambiguous loss.
Coined by family therapist Dr Pauline Boss, it refers to a type of grief that lacks closure. It's what you feel when a loved one is physically present but emotionally absent, or, in Sishi's case, when they've walked away entirely.
'You wrestle with these things for the rest of your life, there was me constantly trying to fit in, …oh you not wanted here, okay, let me go here, no you're not wanted here but now I'm at a place like I'm actually not wanted anywhere I'm gonna go where I want to be.'
Unlike death, where society offers rituals like funerals and mourning periods, ambiguous loss is often invalidated. People may say, 'But they're still alive,' as if that erases the pain.
But studies show that unresolved grief from emotional estrangement can be just as intense if not more than traditional mourning.
Why forgiveness is not about forgetting
In 2020, Sishi received a message from a stranger claiming their father was in the hospital. Against all odds, he went. And there, standing at his father's hospital bed, Sishi did something remarkable: he chose forgiveness.
'As angry as I was, I couldn't say anything. He was on life support … So I just forgave him,' he said.
Netizens praised Sishi for dealing with a difficult situation in a mature and mature manner
@Oratile, wrote, "Every day, it becomes apparent that everyone has a story."
@Kay Mpete added, "And he played a role where he had loving parents, I can only imagine what that was like emotionally and mentally 💔."
@Thickleeyonce wrote: "Ugh man this made me cry 🥺🥺🥺."
@Lebogang added: "Oh sishii 💔😭😭😭I literally cried when you said 'rejection has been a huge part of my life'."
@Omphimetse Senokwane added: "Parents don't know how much they destroyed us. My parents made me a mess of a human; they are not here, and I have so many questions."
Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. It doesn't mean reconciliation. It means choosing peace over pain. And peace is a powerful healer.