Nonku Williams on abusive marriage: ‘I was full of shame - he said no man would look at me'

News24

3 days ago

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Nonku Williams grew up witnessing her father abuse her mother, which shaped her perception of marriage.
She had rough relationships and ended up marrying an emotionally unavailable man who abused her.
That five-year marriage ended, and she now shares her story in the hope it will help and inspire others to overcome similar hurdles.
When Showmax announced that its new show, Untied, was in the works, it promised that the first episode would feature Norma Mngoma, the ex-wife of politician Malusi Gigaba. In the trailer, Mngoma said: 'He lied until the day the video was leaked. I was so hurt.'
However, when the first episode dropped on Tuesday, it featured reality TV star Nonku Williams. This came after the Sunday World reported that Gigaba had applied for a court order to gag Mngoma from sharing about his alleged cheating ways and porn addiction. The tabloid said Gigaba, Mngoma, MultiChoice and GOAT Originals would face off in court.
Nonku Williams opens up
Sharing her story on Untied, presented by Relebogile Mabotja, Williams said her father abused her mother in front of her and her sister. Thus, growing up, she thought that marriage was about abuse because she would hear her mother cry at night and see her bruises in the morning.
However, witnessing that abuse did not stop her from looking forward to getting married. She said she even kept herself for marriage. At 21, she lost her virginity to the man she thought would marry her. But her fiancé was insecure and violent, and they broke up.
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The reality TV star shared that, after the break-up, she was desperate for marriage and looked for a husband in every man she dated.
Played by gospel star
Williams shared her story about the late gospel singer Sfiso Ncwane, though his name, his songs and that of his wife, Ayanda Ncwane, were censored every time she mentioned them.
She said that Sfiso had a beautiful heart but was a ladies' man. They had moved in together, but she left after growing tired of his frequent absences. When she was six months pregnant, they broke up. During her pregnancy, she saw pictures of his wedding with Ayanda in a magazine.
Finally married
Her desperation led her to marry an emotionally unavailable man, she said.
'I didn't feel his love. I am talking about a person who never, till this day, said the words 'I love you',' she told Mabotja.
Williams said she married him because they were both looking for marriage.
'I would have married anything, as long as it had two legs walking.'
Three months into the relationship, she fell pregnant. The emotional abuse started, and she felt trapped.
'Now it's two kids, different fathers out of wedlock, and time is ticking.'
Williams explained that she ignored the red flags, though she was called names daily.
I was bound by fear. I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid that no man would ever look at me. I was full of shame [because] I had two kids. He used to tell me that he was doing me a favour; no man would look at me.
Nonku Williams
She said she was seven months pregnant when the ex-husband kicked her in the belly. The abuse happened in front of their child and once he pulled a gun on her in front of their son. After five years and two children, she ended the marriage.
Williams told Showmax that her divorce was a turning point as she discovered her true identity and self-worth.
'As I share my story on Untied, I hope viewers will take away the message that, no matter what they're facing, it's not the end [of the world]. It's just a season and, with faith and perseverance, they can overcome it.
'My ministry is for those in their darkest moments, and I pray that my story will give them hope and reassurance that they can emerge victorious, just like I did,' she told Showmax.
The founder of Ashes to Beauty Winery told the online streamer that sharing her story was challenging but healing. She was grateful to speak about her traumas in a way that brought restoration and hoped others would use her experiences to find healing.
The mother of three said she knew that people would have opinions, but she was focused on telling her raw and unfiltered truth.
'Being vulnerable on a public platform wasn't easy, but I'm proud of myself for overcoming my fears and sharing my authentic story. It's not simple to expose the most intimate and traumatic parts of my life, but I've reached a point where I'm not concerned about what others think or say,' she said.
More episodes will drop every Tuesday, featuring media personalities such as Zandi Nhlapo, Palesa Madisakwane and Sonia Booth, actresses Mona Monyane and Dawn Thandeka King, as well as reality TV star Beverly Steyn.