‘I'm super-cute': Comedian Urzila Carlson's struggle to stay single
Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we're told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they're given. This week he speaks to Urzila Carlson. The South African-New Zealander comedian and actor, 49, became the highest-selling act in the history of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in 2019. She co-stars in the Netflix movie Kinda Pregnant.
SEX
Urzila, you've landed on 'Sex'. Sex! I've had it. Deal with it.
[ Laughs ] What's the first thing that comes to mind? [ Groans ] At this point, it feels like admin. I'd rather read a book, have some melatonin and an early night. Can we both just masturbate [separately] and come to bed early? By the time you've fed the kids, looked after the house, pets and f--- knows what else, who's got the energy for it? I can't be f---ed with f---ing.
You're a queer icon now, but what was the coming-out process like for you? I didn't really prioritise it, but I was nervous about what would happen in my community. I was living in South Africa and it's a lot more conservative there: they don't even take kindly to premarital sex, let alone coming out. I came out at 26, which I didn't think was late back then, but now it is: kids are much more comfortable. Anyway, I'm a big believer in [sexuality] being fluid. I understand why the alphabet [LGBTIQA+] keeps growing.
You're single right now. Are you currently looking? I'm definitely not looking. I'm the opposite. I'm hyper-focused on staying single and not partnering up. Which is really hard: I'm super-cute.
DEATH
Is it true that early on in your childhood, your father – who was an alcoholic – came looking for you and your family, armed with a gun? Yes, my father was a very violent, aggressive drunk. Now when I look back on it, he obviously had post-traumatic stress disorder from the Angolan War [a 1975-2002 civil war in which South African forces were at times involved]. But he needed therapy for that: he doesn't get to take that out on his family. But my mum never shit-talked him – ever. That's important. My wife and I got a divorce a few years ago, and I said to her, 'I'll never fight with you.' And we're still best friends. You choose to have a family together, you need to keep your shit together. When people keep fighting after they've split up, I'm like, 'Why are you still fighting this person? You got what you wanted. You're alone now. You're rid of them. Now's your time to be happy.' The fighting should have happened while you were with them.
Who was the last person you lost whose death really affected you? It was a friend who passed away a couple of years ago. We used to work together; I met her when I was 18. I gave the eulogy at her funeral the same day I recorded a special on YouTube. I don't even promote that special. It was such a dark day and I was just mentally and physically exhausted. I should have cancelled it. I thought it would be all right, but it wasn't.
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