‘Mummy papa ke saath zyaada': Amaal Mallik reflects on breaking ties with family, says comparisons with brother Armaan affected their mental health; how comparisons affect bonds

Indian Express

4 days ago

Singer-composer Amaal Mallik recently reflected on his decision to distance himself from his family and shared how comparisons with his younger brother Armaan affected both of their mental health. During the interview, he also spoke about how the pressure was more from his mother's side until the now-deleted post made the family realise what he was dealing with. 'There was a difference of opinion. Meri mom ko yeh understanding bilkul hi nahi aarahi thi…(understanding that I was struggling) because she comes from this lawyer, corporate understanding background that I seemed very disorganised, indisciplined, raw, crazy, living a rebellious artist life. She wanted me to get some order in life, to which I said, everything happens on time. She would compare my timeline to Armaan's. All these things affected. No two people's paths are the same. We are 100 per cent chalk and cheese different. Expectations were so much,' Amaal, 35.
During the interview, Amaal admitted that he had fulfilled one set of expectations by 'winning awards and accolades which mattered to them a lot, too.'
'Yet after doing everything, I started feeling like I was not getting peace. Everybody wants me to answer questions. I decided to make the relationship professional to avoid any issues. Don't screw with my head,' Amaal added, reflecting on his March 2025 Instagram post.
He also noted that comparisons affected his equation with his brother, Armaan, 29, yet he had no issues with him. 'I had no issues with Armaan. Mummy papa ke saath zyaada (There were more issues with mom and dad). There was more distance between us brothers because of these comparisons. Dad is a little chill. Mom wants everything. Sometimes, her heart is right about it. 'Why you are charging so less for a show…see Armaan is getting this price for a show'…for her, both her sons should get the same amount of money, adulation, stardom…that doesn't transpire like that…mera tareeka, my brashness, my stands and my decisions, ability to say extreme no…Armaan is quite 70 per cent diplomatic…30 per cent kabhi kabhi woh bhi baat bol deta hai jo dil mein hai (30 per cent, he too ends up speaking his heart)…I am very different, so it's taken time for me and even my parents to understand me and where I am.'
The Kabir Singh singer recollected what led to the social media post. 'When I wrote that post, mom and dad, too, realised that bahut durr ho jaa rahi hai cheezein (everything is growing distant)…and Amaal is really going through a lot of things…that he didn't call us and tell us anything about it…and went out ahead in the world and said this.'
In the interview with Siddharth Kannan, Amaal expressed how he was accused of throwing his family under the bus by his declaration on social media. 'A lot of people felt that I put my family under the bus, but no one can understand what I felt…I don't want to explain to them…But I want to say that I wanted my family and everyone in the world to just back off. Let me just relax, make music, and I am not answerable. Armaan is a really good boy…he has never made me feel small or taken his stardom for granted…he has taught me how to enjoy my life and at times, he has been like the elder brother for me. There can't be a darling like him.'
Taking a leaf out of his confession, let's understand how comparisons affect relationships.
Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist, energy healer, and life coach, said that in so many families, especially in South Asian cultures, sibling comparison is normalised. 'Parents often say things like 'Why can't you be more like your brother?' or 'Look at how well your sister is doing'. At first glance, it seems harmless. Motivational, even. But what it really communicates is that you are only worthy when you're like someone else.
This subtle conditioning chips away at a person's self-worth over time. You begin to associate love with performance. Attention to perfection. Approval with sameness. And when you can't match up, the guilt turns inward. The sibling relationship, once full of warmth and trust, slowly becomes strained. Not because of personal conflict, but because of the constant emotional measurement,' shared Delnna.
She also said that in her therapy sessions, she often sees adults walking in with unspoken grief. 'Not because they don't love their siblings, but because they feel they were never loved in the same way. That invisible gap, created by years of comparison, begins to affect identity, mental health, and even career choices. Some internalise the pressure and push themselves to burn out. Others retreat and detach – feeling never enough, no matter what they do,' said Delnna.
Comparison also damages the one being praised. 'When one sibling is constantly held as the standard, they too feel isolated. Burdened by the pressure always to succeed. To always be 'the better one.' And in the process, even their relationship with the other sibling becomes strained with guilt and expectation,' said Delnna.
It is okay to create space – even from family – if it helps you reclaim that truth.
If you're struggling with comparison-based wounds, here are some powerful ways to begin healing:
Journal your truth: Write down moments when you felt unseen or compared. Let it out. Honesty is the beginning of release.
Therapeutic boundary-setting: It's okay to emotionally detach from specific family patterns while still maintaining love and respect.
Re-parent your inner child: Speak to yourself the way you wish your parents had. Offer comfort, not criticism.
Have courageous conversations: If the timing feels right, express how comparison affected you – not to blame, but to be understood.
Celebrate differences with your sibling: Build a new dynamic based on support, not silent competition.
Choose environments that see you: Surround yourself with people who acknowledge your uniqueness and strengths.
And if you are a parent reading this, know this: your child doesn't want you to be perfect. They just want to feel seen for who they are, not for how they measure up to someone else, shared Delnna.