‘I Love You Forever' is streaming on HBO Max — and striking a nerve. Experts break down the toxic dynamic at the center of this anti-rom-com.

Yahoo

7 days ago

A new film explores narcissistic abuse, and it's getting the internet talking.
I Love You Forever, which was produced by Diablo Cody from filmmaking team Cazzie David and Elisa Kalani, stars Sofia Black-D'Elia as Mackenzie, a woman who thinks she's finally found an emotionally available man in Finn, played by Ray Nicholson. At first, the movie plays out like a classic romantic comedy, only to take a dark turn when Finn's grandiose displays of affection and emotional vulnerability shifts into something darker. Soon he's calling Mackenzie dozens of times in a row while she's in class, showing up at her apartment to talk when she's exhausted and interrupting important life events — all while berating and criticizing her for the ways she falls short at meeting his needs. As Finn gaslights Mackenzie into making her think she's a bad partner, she finds herself scrambling to please him, losing herself to the relationship as she falls deeper under his coercive control.
Though I Love You Forever was available for rent and purchase after its 2024 debut at the South by Southwest Film & TV Festival (SXSW), the movie recently dropped on HBO Max, where many people on social media are watching it for the first time. And many are noting the familiar patterns in what's going on between Mackenzie and Finn and their own previous relationships.
In a TikTok video, user @magentababyyy called it the best film she had ever seen about falling into a cycle of abuse. 'Someone will love bomb you, and then slowly introduce these kind of abusive gray area situations to where you're so unaware that they are abusing you emotionally, mentally and then eventually physically,' she wrote, noting that the movie was triggering as someone who was in an abusive marriage.
Fellow TikToker @ohmayabehave echoed the sentiment in her own video, saying that the movie finally gave her an example to share with her loved ones about the 'mental and emotional manipulation' she experienced in a previous relationship. 'If you watch it, that is exactly what I just got done dealing with,' she said. 'And if your friends ever try to tell you they're dealing with something like that, believe them.'
TikToker @harvionn also related to the film, calling it both 'traumatic' and like reliving their 'past relationship all over again' in the caption of his video.
What the filmmakers have said
Back in February, before the film hit VOD on Valentine's Day, David told Marie Claire that she had personally experienced a relationship similar to the one Mackenzie deals with in the movie, and that she turned to 'research' in order to understand what was really happening to her. That research inspired her and cowriter and codirector Kalani to show how these kinds of relationships can suck people in , including all the 'manipulation tactics' that Finn uses in the movie, like guilting and shaming Mackenzie or making sarcastic comments.
'We really wanted to get the cycle of abuse: the love bombing period; the idolization once they win you over; how they immediately devalue you and it's game over; how you're constantly trying to get back to the beginning and that's what keeps you into the relationship,' David said. 'It was important for us to show how and why someone might stay in this. And so much of that is:, once it's calm, you don't want to set it off again; there'll be this explosive episode and you'll maybe want to leave, but the second it gets calm again, you don't want to go back to that.'
In an interview with IndieWire, David specifically said that Finn's abuse is what happens when someone with narcissistic personality disorder enters into a romantic relationship, even if they may not seem pompous or arrogant, typically narcissistic traits.
'For [Finn], I think when people think of a narcissist, they think of a confident, charming, peacocky guy,' she said. 'And we chose someone who might be more vulnerable and seemingly compassionate and also a victim. There's a million different types of these people, and this is just one of them.'
What experts say about the abuse at the center of
While every relationship is different, the cycle of abuse follows familiar patterns, experts told Yahoo.
Psychotherapist Vassilia Binensztok of Juno Counseling and Wellness said that many people — women, in particular — will fall for an abuser who seems emotionally available, open and willing to be vulnerable, just as Finn did in the film by sharing trauma from his home life.
But while these traits are generally positive, this type of openness can put people in harm's way, as it leads to openings for the abusive person to criticize them or turn the insecurities the person has shared against them. Abusers are able to gain coercive control over their partner under the guise of 'I do all these things for you, and therefore I'm a great partner, and to be a great partner back, you should do all these things,' Binensztok said.
What these abusive partners want from their victims is often unrealistic, like when Finn calls Mackenzie incessantly in the middle of class, then demands to know why she didn't pick up, leading to a nasty fight. But when Finn goes back to being a so-called good boyfriend, Mackenzie worries there's something wrong with her, not Finn. And the more Finn shares his own insecurities from his difficult home life and previous relationships, the more Mackenzie feels pressure to not let him down the way he's told her others have.
'I think it's very easy for the recipient to gaslight themselves and believe that, and say, 'OK, well, he does do all these things which I associate with someone being a good partner. Maybe he's needing a lot of reassurance right now, and that might make sense. Maybe he's not feeling very wanted. Maybe he had a stressful day. Maybe he had a past bad relationship that made him feel unlovable or unwanted, and so I should do these things for him. I should provide that emotional support. I should be there for him,'' Binensztok said.
The problem, however, is that even when the ask seems small — like answering the phone — if you zoom out, it's really about him 'being in control of what she's doing, what she's thinking at any given time — she has to be paying attention to him. She has to be putting him first. So it is actually very controlling, but I think in a very subtle way,' Binensztok said.
Psychotherapist Terri DiMatteo of Open Door Therapy said that Finn displays classic signs of a narcissist, and that the abuse caused by people with this personality disorder can leave deep emotional wounds for their victim. She described Finn as a 'covert narcissist,' explaining that while these people have an insatiable desire for attention, they tend to fly under the radar when compared to more overt narcissists, who may be louder and more outwardly confident. A covert narcissist, on the other hand, may be more passive aggressive.
In the case of I Love You Forever, Finn is doing what many narcissists do: weaponizing Mackenzie's empathetic and loving nature against her. He uses her vulnerability to build an attachment, and then makes her believe that his reactions to her actions are about the ways in which she's not measuring up.
DiMatteo said that Mackenzie and Finn's relationship was doomed from the start, because narcissists 'cannot do a normal, healthy relationship,' due to their lack of empathy.
'Most people get caught up because they apply — for lack of a better word — 'normal,' non-narcissist, not disordered, approaches to relationship,' she explained, 'when really, for the narcissist person, there are whole different guidelines.'
If you find yourself in a relationship with this kind of person, DiMatteo said that ending the relationship is ideal, as couples counseling is not typically recommended because narcissists are often able to manipulate the therapist. But she noted that it can be difficult for people to even realize they're in a relationship with a narcissist.
Binensztok said that 'sometimes our friends tell us in subtle ways — like saying, 'Oh wow, that's kind of strange that he's texting you so much.' It doesn't mean you have to take everything they say at face value, but if it starts to become a pattern — like someone repeatedly interrupting important things for you — it's worth stepping back and considering what's really going on.'
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