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Forbes
2 minutes ago
- Forbes
The Emotional Cost Of Dating Men And How Women Are Rewriting Rules
Photo by DIMITAR DILKOFF/AFP via Getty Images. A new cultural lexicon is emerging, and at the center of it is a term that captures the private exhaustion and public irony many straight women feel toward modern relationships with men: heterofatalism. Initially coined by academic Asa Seresin and recently spotlighted in the New York Times Magazine and Sexual Health Alliance, heterofatalism refers to the resigned belief that heterosexual relationships are emotionally unfulfilling. These viewpoints suggest women pursue them anyway because they feel there might not be better options. However, beyond the memes and gloomy quips lies something more profound: a crisis of expectation, a mismatch of emotional labor, and an opportunity to reframe how straight women approach dating with greater clarity, curiosity, awareness and self-leadership. This article explores the psychological and cultural roots of heterofatalism, synthesizes dating and relationship science and offers tools for dating men today without compromising your softness, emotional essentials or standards. What Is Heterofatalism? When Cynicism Masks Hope Unlike heteropessimism, which performs emotional detachment for irony or cool-girl effect, heterofatalism carries a heavier emotional resignation. Women may say, "I am hesitant about men," only to download the app again the next morning, reflecting not just disappointment in individual men, but in the more all-around system of heterosexual romance. The internal dialogue might become something like: "Even if I know better, even if he might not meet my needs, I want to pursue the connection anyway." As the Sexual Health Alliance notes, heterofatalism often arises from a lack of relational modeling, and from watching women in our families "choose partners they did not seem to like." It can be intergenerational, systemic and reinforced by media that glamorizes dysfunction under the guise of chemistry. But how can we distinguish one from the other? Here's where self-agency comes in. Cultural Conditioning, Romantic Myths And Emotional Labor Popular culture has long sold women the idea that love will heal, elevate and complete us. But research on romantic beliefs suggests that idealizing a partner can actually predict greater disappointment over time, especially when initial chemistry masks incompatible values, true friendship or aligned long-term goals. Even well-meaning narratives like "men should protect and provide" can reinforce benevolent sexism, an ideology that seems sweet but ultimately positions women as passive recipients of male behavior. These beliefs can make women more likely to excuse or romanticize emotional immaturity in men in the personal and professional realms alike. It comes as no surprise that women in heterosexual relationships might often feel like they carry more of the emotional labor, initiating hard conversations, managing conflict and tracking their date's emotional needs. This imbalance contributes directly to the burnout that fuels heterofatalism, a widespread apathy towards the dating scene. The Psychology Behind Attraction And Repetition Classic social-psychology theory suggests people pair with those of similar social desirability, also known as the Matching Hypothesis. Yet in the world of dating apps, this can backfire. Research analyzing millions of profiles reveals that both men and women often pursue partners who are estimated to be about 25% more attractive than themselves, despite these advances yielding fewer responses. In other words, chasing someone perceived as "out of the league" is common, but it is rarely successful. The convenience of mobile dating comes with its own set of challenges. A 2024 Forbes Health survey reports that 78% of users feel emotionally, mentally or physically exhausted from app use — and women report slightly higher rates than men. This aligns with qualitative findings showing "burnout" results from repeated cycles of hope, ghosting and emotional drain, or what researchers call mobile-online-dating fatigue. Gen Z daters report even higher rates: nearly 79% say app fatigue has influenced them to seek offline alternatives or authenticity-first platforms (RAW app data, 2025). Apps like Bumble and Hinge are responding by introducing features such as conversation prompts and "double-date" modes to ease cognitive load and enhance engagement, too. Why We Repeat Patterns: The Pull Of The Unavailable Beyond algorithms and exhaustion, attraction is often shaped by what feels familiar, rather than what is healthy. Many women report being drawn to unavailable or emotionally inconsistent partners due to unresolved attachment patterns. Unsurprisingly, this dynamic perpetuates cycles of disappointment masked as excitement, especially in high-status, emotionally ambiguous men. Heteropessimism refers to the ironic detachment and performative complaint about men while still participating in heterosexual dating. Its emotional tone is often askew and cynical, and it has become a staple of memes and social media commentary, such as 'men are trash.' Heterofatalism, on the other hand, carries a more profound resignation: the belief that dating men may be unsatisfying, but there's no better alternative. Its tone is more defeated and ambivalent, emerging from emotional labor burnout and accumulated relational hopelessness, among others. It's Not About Not Dating Men, But Dating With Discernment, Intention And Self-Sovereignty Heterofatalism is not about giving up on love. It is about letting go of scripts that exhaust us. Instead of abandoning desire, we can choose to desire with clarity and intention. Instead of succumbing to resignation, we can reframe the terms of engagement comprehensively. Because dating men doesn't have to mean enduring disappointment, particularly when you choose based on emotional congruence rather than cultural programming, dating becomes a space of alignment, not depletion. Finally, as a researcher and therapist, Dr. Alexandra Solomon says, 'Healthy relationships are not found, they are built. Moreover, you can only build with someone who is also ready to build with you.' So no, the answer is not to stop dating men. The answer is to stop dating men who drain your brilliance, and to start dating as the woman who chooses herself first.
CBS News
2 minutes ago
- CBS News
Texas is launching new traps to help fight off the New World Screwworm population.
A flesh-eating parasite that once ravaged Texas livestock is creeping back—and the state is stepping it to stop it. The state will be deploying traps with synthetic bait along the Mexican border, Texas Department of Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller announced Monday. The synthetic "swormlure-5" bait mimics the scent of rotting animal flesh to attract and kill adult screwworm flies. The state is working with COPEG, The Panama-United States Commission for the Eradication and Prevention of Screwworm Infestation in Livestock, to drop sterile flies into hotspot areas. However, while these flies are making an impact, Miller suggests the process to eradicate them will take years. There is currently a facility in Metepa, Mexico, that produces and drops sterile flies. Miller says the facility has been producing 100 million, but 600 million will be needed to kill off the population. Secretary of Agriculture, Brooke Rollins, approved an $8.5 million initiative to construct a sterile fly dispersal facility at Moore Air Base in Edinburg, Texas, last month. But according to Miller, that facility is years away from being fully operational, and fears that by then, the screwworm will be all over the United States. Miller said a newer approach is needed to quickly and effectively kill the flies. "We cannot wait for sterile flies alone to turn the tide. That's why we're applying a little cowboy logic and bringing back Swormlure, now with an enhanced formula that's more powerful and effective than ever," Miller said in a statement. Miller says by deploying the traps with the new bait, 90 percent of the fly population will be killed. Leaving the remaining 10 percent for the sterile flies to finish off. The TDA is the lead department on this effort and is working alongside the United States Department of Agriculture and the Mexican government to set up the new traps in hotspots.
Yahoo
30 minutes ago
- Yahoo
Late night encounter in suburban car park highlights issue that 'should concern everyone'
A late-night encounter in a suburban car park with an invasive predator has exposed a growing problem, which one Aussie warns should be a concern to "everyone". Western Sydney resident Gabriel was taking a stroll after dark when he came across an incredibly brazen fox. While the sighting itself is a common occurrence in urban spaces, what surprised the wildlife enthusiast was just how tame the invasive predator appeared to be. "I went for a walk, and when I was in the car park of Valentine Park, I saw this fox," Gabriel told Yahoo News of the encounter in Glenwood earlier this week. "I thought it would have seen me and run away, but it let me get really close, and even came sniffing for food. It was really tame, I believe, because it's in a suburb, it's become accustomed to humans." Prolific fox populations affect major cities across the country, with urban areas like Sydney, Melbourne and Perth hosting some of the highest populations in the country due to their availability of food, water and shelter. There are an estimated 1.7 million foxes in Australia, according to the Australian National University. "Foxes are one of the worst invasive species that we have here for many reasons," said Gabriel. "They adapt very well to almost everywhere, eat most food, they're smart and cunning, and they've made their home in the Sydney suburbs. "It should be a concern to everyone," he said. Reason foxes are a big problem in Australia Reacting to the footage, fox population management specialist Gillian Basnett told Yahoo that it's likely this one has been "fed by people before". "It is definitely not a good idea to feed foxes, both because they are a declared pest and have significant impacts on wildlife and pets and cause a nuisance, but also because if they become used to being fed and less scared of people, the risk of attack increases," she said. "It might be that they are more visible at the moment because they are searching out mates and den sites at this time of year," she explained. Growing populations of foxes have a major impact on wildlife, and are contributing to the speeding up of native animal loss in our cities, along with human activity. There have been several sightings in cities in recent months, with one Melbourne fox affectionately named 'Frédérique', by locals. Another fox was photographed standing in the middle of a busy Perth intersection in the middle of the day, not long after local authorities revealed the predators had killed 300 turtles in an ecologically significant set of wetlands over the span of a year. Basnet explained that managing foxes in urban areas is difficult due to the lack of access to management tools in heavily populated areas. "What we do know is that if we can remove/reduce the available food then we can reduce their numbers," she said. "There is a lot of food available in cities from rubbish, pet food, fruit, compost, discarded food and tips." 🚘 Predator spotted on Aussie road exposes sinister reality 🐢 Aussie council under pressure as iconic species ravaged by predator 📸 Sad story behind image of emu toes amid Australia's invasive species crisis How Aussies can help reduce fox populations Everyday Aussies can help reduce fox populations in cities by restricting access to food. Don't leave pet food outside overnight Use enclosed compost bins Keep domestic animals secure at night Remove fallen fruit around fruit trees Keep garbage bins covered Block entry points to drains Close off access to underneath buildings Use fox-proof enclosures for poultry, remember foxes dig and can climb Turn off outside lights that might attract insects Reduce weeds that provide food and shelter, such as Blackberries Record sightings in FoxScan. Deterrents need to be intermittent as they will habituate quickly. E.g. sensor spotlights rather than lights on all the time. Have gardens with lots of plants that wildlife can hide in, grasses, shrubs, rocks, logs, etc. Do you have a story tip? Email: newsroomau@ You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube.
