'200 years to pay back debt': Lender reveals cost of leaving abusive relationships
Photo:
123RF
A woman whose relationship deteriorated into abuse after she was diagnosed with a serious tumour, had to save for ten years to be able to leave.
Social lender Good Shepherd said it was just one example of how hard it can be for people to get out of abusive relationships.
The woman, whom Good Shepherd refers to as "Jen" to protect her identity, said the relationship dynamic changed when she became ill.
"He took control of their finances including the support payment she received due to being unable to work. He would not allow Jen to access any money," Good Shepherd said in a note about the case.
"His psychological abuse worsened over time. He wouldn't let Jen buy anything or drive their car. Jen was forbidden from seeing her friends. With no access to money, Jen got a credit card and kept a bank account hidden from her partner."
It was ten years before she could leave the relationship, Good Shepherd said, and moved into a one-bedroom flat with her daughter, where they had to share a bed.
She worked with Good Shepherd to wipe $7500 of bank debt she had built up during her relationship, and received a $300 grant to buy a second-hand kettle, reclining chair and fold-out couch.
"Having to save for 10 years to leave a violent relationship is awful," said Good Shepherd chief executive Emma Saunders.
Good Shepherd provided low- and no-interest loans for women and families facing high-cost unmanageable debt and economic abuse and family violence.
Saunders said the organisation's analysis showed the cost of leaving an abusive relationship often came to at least $10,000.
Someone's income could be disrupted and they would face high costs in finding a new place to live.
"Social housing is available but the waitlist at March 2025 was sitting at 19,308 and it can take a long time to access."
They might also need a car, a couch, a bed, a fridge, kitchenware, and clothing. Many people left all their possessions behind and had to start from nothing, she said.
"This is only a small snapshot of the essential goods a woman fleeing violence would need to purchase for a home of her own.
"They may also need to repurchase medications, prescription glasses, and other disability aids if needed."
She said her estimates were based on people buying second-hand.
"We're not talking about top of the range stuff but when you add moving costs and bond, household and personal items, people are often starting with zero."
She said there needed to be continued awareness of family violence economic abuse.
"Money is really essential to women experiencing abuse, leaving a relationship."
There should be improved policies and practices to support customers experiencing family violence, and increased recognition of it in government work programmes, she said.
She also called for more legal aid and free legal advice, as well as the eligibility limits being removed for cases where there was family violence.
She said often it looked as if people had money that they did not actually have access to.
Saunders said all debt-to-government related to family violence should also be wiped and people should be offered a one off grant.
Saunders said most help was available as a loan rather than a grant, which left people paying off debt for a long time.
"Even when it's an interest-free loan, it's still money you have to pay back, it's still money out of your pay packet. It's still money that you couldn't afford because maybe within your family violence situation you didn't have any access to money, or you had debt taken out in your name that you didn't know about and then you weren't allowed to work…
"We have one client at the moment who it'll take over 200 years to pay back the debt she had to government.
On one hand you think fantastic that they didn't say 'no you can't ever pay it back so we won't lend you something'… but on the other hand how ridiculous is that?"
Fincap, which represents the country's' financial mentors, made a submission in June on the Credit Contracts and Consumer Finance Amendment Bill and said more needed to be done to support people coming out of violent relationships.
They said mentors had dealt with multiple instances where women had debt on car loans they had been coerced into agreeing to and no access to the vehicle.
In other cases, someone who separated from a partner with whom they had a mortgage were stuck paying unaffordable repayments because a partner refused to make a hardship application or refused to pay their share of the loan payments, putting the house in jeopardy.
"We recommend the committee report back that the Government should look to endorse, or set, a review that determines how the law best supports fairness and efficiency in improving outcomes for borrowers who are survivors of family violence."
Sign up for Ngā Pitopito Kōrero
,
a daily newsletter curated by our editors and delivered straight to your inbox every weekday.
Hashtags

Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles

RNZ News
2 days ago
- RNZ News
Grand buddies: Friendships between school kids and the elderly
Twice a week for the past seven years, pupils from Sydney's Glenwood Public School go to visit Whiddon Easton Park Nursing Home. The results, are delightful. Jesse speaks to Glenwood Public School Principal Jay McInney Photo: Glenwood Public School

RNZ News
2 days ago
- RNZ News
Auckland YMCA accommodation staff scared of job losses if restructure goes ahead
The proposed restructure will affect the jobs of accommodation staff at the YMCA's City Lodge and at the Y's Pitt Street hostel in Auckland. Photo: Google Maps YMCA North staff who work in the Auckland accommodation team say they're scared of losing their jobs, worry about their mental health deteriorating and safety being compromised, if a proposed restructure goes ahead. The front-line accommodation staff at the Y's Pitt Street hostel and its City Lodge had a week to give feedback on a restructure proposal. If the proposal goes ahead, workers called Guest Service Agents who have been working both across day and night shifts will only be able to work either in a day or night role. Staff question how the proposal fits with the YMCA's key values. Guest Service Agents are staff who deal with customers who are staying at the YMCA's hostel and lodge, manage security, cleanliness, bookings and billing. Currently, they work both day and night shifts and are stationed at either the Pitt Street Hostel or the City Lodge. In the proposal - these roles will be disestablished. Staff will now have to apply to be either a day worker or a night worker and will work across two different locations. Night GSAs are the only reception and security staff on site - it means they must handle emergencies and security incidents by themselves. A staff member who usually works night shifts at the City Lodge hostel told Checkpoint they did not feel prepared. "All we had was a safeguarding training. The safeguarding is more related to protecting children and vulnerable people rather than yourself. So, in the security sense, we're not prepared." They said the security company the YMCA contracts is not based on site, so GSAs must call a hotline if they face issues. "I needed to evict an intruder that was in the building. A visitor there was not allowed to be there. He said, 'okay give me 40 minutes and I'll be there.' If we have a real emergency, real urgency, that's what we [are] dealing with. "Probably we'll have to sort it out ourselves or call the police." The worker said while they had been working people had tried to break in, the worker told Checkpoint they often carried a knife as they felt unsafe. As part of their roles, on the night shift they must watch the entrances and exits and do hourly walk throughs of public areas. "Night shifts are extra tough on health, on physical, mental health. You are extra tired even if you're just sitting on a chair [most] of the night." As part of Auckland Council's service agreements, which started on 1 April this year, service partners must pay their workers the living wage. Some Auckland Council leisure centres and pools are managed by the YMCA, meaning those YMCA staff must be paid the living wage. However, because the YMCA's accommodation centres are not part of this service agreement, it means workers don't have to be paid the living wage. The worker said after the restructure if they would only be working nights and the pay remained the same at $25 an hour, it would be unfair as they would be taking on more risk and a heavier workload. "We are the ones who are taking aggressive customers, being on safety hazards, we are the ones taking the burden." The worker said the way the proposal had been carried out went against the core values of the YMCA around Caring, Honesty, Respect and Responsibility. If the proposal is confirmed to stay the same, there will be interviews held over the rest of July and staff will be told the outcomes of the interviews at the end of the month. For staff who aren't selected for the new roles, if their current role is disestablished, they will be made redundant from 1 August. If the worker loses their job, they're worried about the current job market and if they will be able to find work at all within the next couple of months. "We live pay check by pay check, so I don't have any savings to my name. I should have like $10 to my name. It will be devastating, honestly, and I'm sure [it will] affect any area in my life financially, emotional, mental health wise." On 15 July accommodation staff who work across the YMCA's City Lodge and Pitt Street hostel were sent a letter outlining the proposal. The YMCA said it was because they were facing financial underperformance due to a mix of structural and market-related challenges. They say the roles will give clarity to the workers' responsibilities and accountability. YMCA North chief executive Rebecca Russell said in statement the proposed new structure would see greater streamlining across the two accommodation sites. The YMCA is actively seeking feedback from affected staff and no final decisions have been made. Security was a top priority, she said - with measures including mandatory door locking, pass cards and external security able to be called if needed. Russell said she would be concerned if staff were having to arm themselves and this had not been raised with management. But anyone worried about safety should provide that feedback during the consultation, she said. Sign up for Ngā Pitopito Kōrero , a daily newsletter curated by our editors and delivered straight to your inbox every weekday.

RNZ News
2 days ago
- RNZ News
Pair of sniffer dogs who failed training looking for new homes
A pair of Auckland sniffer dogs who couldn't pass their training are looking for new homes. Biosecurity NZ said Bernard the beagle would be better suited to a life of leisure than the fast-paced world of sniffing out contraband. His colleague Ozzy doesn't much like instructions being barked at him, preferring to do his own thing. Nonetheless, Bernard and Ozzy have had a high degree of training and they are in hot demand, with 50 households applying to adopt in just 24 hours. Felix Walton reports. To embed this content on your own webpage, cut and paste the following: See terms of use.