Why do Aussies live in denial about winter?
West Australians like to live in denial about a lot of things: the correct name for a halal snack pack, the belief you will be able to find two degrees of separation from anyone if only you ask what high school they went to, and the fact that not everyone could have possibly seen INXS/Pendulum/Tame Impala (pick your generation) before they were famous.
But the thing we really bury our heads in the sand about is the widespread misconception that WA 'doesn't really have a winter'.
'Winter?' we ask smugly when travelling in colder climes. We say the word slowly as if we're not entirely sure of the pronunciation. 'Oh we're from Australia,' we say. 'Our winter is more like your summer.'
But deep down, in our heart of hearts, we know: this is a lie.
Australian winters are bloody freezing.
Sure, the temperature may not drop to minus 20, and the daily highs hover around the late teens. But unlike in properly cold places, we don't accommodate for the freezing weather. Indoor heating? Just chuck an extra doona on! Proper jackets? Grab a flanno and some uggs. Winter? Barely knew 'er! Life with Leandro. Credit: Instagram
But this seems to be the year we're being called out. Social media is filled with expats from colder climes exposing our folly that it doesn't really get cold Down Under. On Instagram a Swiss man with the handle @life.with.leandro posted a video of himself trying to warm up in front of an open kitchen oven. 'Apparently the coldest place in Australia is our bathroom,' Leandro wrote. 'When it's 8C outside it's 8C inside. Someone please tell Aussie builders how to insulate homes. Fellow expats DO YOU FEEL MEE?!?!'
They did. The thousands of comments included insights such as: 'I am Mongolian living in Australia, in Mongolia even the kids toy houses have thicker walls than here.' And 'From Finland and omg, I don't think I have ever complained about the cold weather as much as while living here. It is so damn cold in the house.' One person simply wrote: 'I open the fridge to warm my kitchen.'
As the Germans like to say, 'there is no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing'. Us Australians like to say 'there is no such thing as bad weather' as we settle down in the living room to watch Dancing With The Stars dressed like Scott of the Antarctic.
Dutch lifestyle brand Stoov is on to us. They sent an email to a colleague last week spruiking their latest products — electric blankets, fancy hot-water bottles and the like. They seem to be aware Aussies can get a little defensive whenever someone points out it's not hot here all the time. 'Australians have always been laid-back with a resourceful attitude and winter is no exception,' Stoov said, sucking up. 'The latest research by Stoov reveals 51 per cent of Aussies admit to having weird habits to stay warm during the winter, like heating up socks in the microwave or using a hairdryer to warm their clothes. A respondent even mentioned 'when I feel like having a cold smoothie/salad, I get in a hot bath to eat them so that it stops me from feeling cold'.'
OK, you can stop judging us now. We get it. We need to sit in a warm bath to suffer through a cold drink. We're fooling no one here.
It's probably time to face facts: winter in Australia is a slog. We would do something about it but it'll be summer again soon. In the meantime we'll chuck on a few extra layers and pretend like leaving the house is a reasonable thing to do. I see Pendulum are playing a show in August. You know, I saw them before they were famous . . .
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