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Independent Singapore
10 hours ago
- Independent Singapore
Maid says, ‘My employer calls me lazy and always yells at me even though I've done all the work without rest from 6:30 morning to 12:30 night'
SINGAPORE: In a heartfelt Facebook post that quickly caught the attention of fellow helpers and employers alike, a foreign domestic worker sounded the alarm on her harsh working conditions, shedding light yet again on the difficult balance between duty, dignity, and domestic life in Singapore. 'I've only been here in Singapore for three months now,' she wrote in a public group for direct hire transfers. 'But my boss treats me badly. He always yells at me, always gets angry with me. Even though I've done everything (all the work), everyone (my employers) still says I'm lazy. I don't get enough rest working from 6:30 in the morning until 12:30 at night.' Photo: FB/Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic helper That's 18 hours a day! With no rest! And if all her account is true, it's not just exhausting — it's exploitative! Despite this, the helper ended her post with grace and grit: 'I hope I can find a good boss. I'm a fast learner and know how to get along with others. Know how to take care of the elderly, children, and dogs. I can do cleaning, ironing, washing, and cooking.' In short: She's not giving up. 'Same with my employer. You're not alone.' — a chorus of quiet suffering Her post resonated with many other helpers in the group based on previous feedback on other posts. One chimed in with their own story in this one, commenting simply but poignantly: 'Same with my employer. You're not alone.😥 I miss my last employer. She's very calm and very understanding — one of the best employers.' The pain, nostalgia, and longing for respect wrapped into that one sentence were enough to speak volumes. For many domestic workers, good employers are always remembered for their kindness and basic human decency. 'Don't believe their drama' — some employers bite back However, not everyone was sympathetic. In the comments section, a few employers fired back — clearly fed up with what they viewed as a tired trope: the 'lazy maid' playing victim. 'Yeah, as usual,' one employer wrote. 'Create some story about your current employer. If you can't take the workload, next time during the interview, be honest. Don't say yes, ma'am, yes, sir, and end up wanting to change employers. Employer already paid so much to bring you in, and now you want to change. Don't be lazy.' Another added bluntly: 'Even if you ask for a transfer, it depends on your employer if they want to release you. Worst scenario, you'll be sent home.' To many onlookers, the tone may feel more like courtroom prosecution than constructive criticism, but it raises a fair question: Who's telling the truth? Unfortunately, in most cases, it's a one-sided story until the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) steps in — or something serious happens. Behind closed doors: What the MOM says… Singapore's MOM outlines clear expectations on its official website regarding the well-being of Foreign/Migrant Domestic Workers (FDWs/MDWs). According to MOM: 'As an employer, you are responsible for the health and well-being of your MDW.' And common sense tells us that this includes allowing them to have adequate rest with: Sufficient sleep (uninterrupted sleep at night) At least one rest day per week Breaks during the day, especially during long working hours In this case, if the helper's account of a daily 6:30 a.m. to 12:30 a.m. grind is true, it clearly violates basic guidelines. Sleep-deprived, verbally abused, and dismissed as lazy — that's not a job. That's survival — almost slavery, even. Moreover, fatigue due to insufficient rest can also affect your helper's performance and safety. It is detrimental to her well-being. No amount of cooking, cleaning, dog-walking, or diaper-changing should ever come at the cost of someone's physical and mental health. So whose drama is it anyway? The accusations from employers — that some helpers 'make up stories' or 'just want to find an easy household' — reflect a broader mistrust that often shadows the domestic helper scene in Singapore. Yes, it's true: Not every maid is a saint. Some might over-promise during interviews. Others might genuinely struggle with homesickness, communication, or unrealistic expectations, but in a power-imbalanced relationship where the employer holds the purse strings, the bed, the food, and the legal visa — how often do helpers have a fair chance to speak up? The high cost of a bad hire Many employers cite the hefty cost of hiring a helper — often between S$3,000 and S$5,000, including agency fees, insurance, and travel — as the reason they feel 'cheated' when a helper requests a transfer just weeks or months after being hired. Understandably, this causes frustration. However, it also reveals a deeper truth: We treat people better when we see them as individuals, not investments. Perhaps that's the crux of the issue. Employers see helpers as sunk costs. Helpers just want to be treated as humans. The 'lazy' label: a convenient catch-all? When everything else fails, name-calling begins. The word 'lazy' gets thrown around far too often in domestic work, but let's be real — can someone really be lazy after working 18 hours a day? Can someone be 'lazy' and still cook, clean, iron, wash, take care of the kids, the elderly, and the dog? What are we missing here? And what's next for the helper? The maid who posted the original complaint is now seeking a transfer to another employer, but according to the rules, she will need her current employer's written consent for that. If her employer refuses, her only other option may be to return to her home country. It's a difficult spot to be in — stuck between abuse and bureaucracy. Still, her resilience shines through. She didn't insult. She didn't threaten. She simply told her story and said: I hope I can find a good boss. And perhaps there's one out there reading this who's thinking: 'I'll give her that chance.' What to do if you're a helper facing abuse in Singapore Helpers who feel mistreated should first attempt to resolve the matter calmly with their employer. If this fails, we encourage you to: In a nation built on discipline, order, and hard work, it's easy to overlook the silent engines keeping our households running. But behind the mop and the rice cooker is a person, not a thing. One who wakes up before us. Sleeps after us. And — sometimes — cries in silence. So maybe it's about time we listened. In other news, a Facebook post that quickly stirred emotions in Singapore's online domestic helper community, one foreign domestic worker shared a jaw-dropping tale of life inside a household that has five helpers, and still, according to her, nothing is ever right. 'My lady employer has five helpers. For many months, everything we do, she sees as wrong. Always demanding — do this, do that,' the helper wrote in the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper Facebook group. 'She is only thinking of the salary she's giving us and not our service to her family. Should I leave?' she asked for advice from other helpers and employers alike. You can read her full story here: Maid says her employer has '5 helpers, but still complains that all the work done is wrong and that she's feeding us too much'
Independent Singapore
a day ago
- Independent Singapore
'Sometimes old people must also be trained,' commenters tell man with overbearing mother-in-law
SINGAPORE: A young dad whose mother-in-law appears to want to take over a large part of his family's life took to Reddit to ask whether his mother-in-law (MIL) is overbearing or if she is actually justified. In a Jul 7 (Monday) post on r/askSingapore, u/GibunAnJoh-A wrote about h is difficulties with his MIL's actions and wrote that he wanted ' to see another perspective of unrelated people' before deciding on what to do. He and his wife, who are in their early 30s, became first-time parents to a little boy in March. Prior to their son's birth, his relationship with his MIL was cordial but started going south afterwards. He wrote that his MIL wants to carry the baby all the time and nags them to take her advice even when it runs counter to their parenting choices. She does not respect these choices but speaks against them. For example, when they told the grandparents they'd be preparing the baby for bedtime by 7 p.m., signalling that visits would end for the day by that time, the MIL interpreted it as limiting her time with the baby. The situation is particularly hard for the post author's wife, who is still struggling with postpartum depression. The couple is more inclined to follow the post author's mum, who has been a babysitter for 15 years. She will be the baby's primary caregiver when the post author's wife goes back to work. The post author and his wife's experience appears to be not uncommon, judging by the number of commenters on the post. A Reddit user who had the same experience wrote about having drawn firm boundaries with her own mother. 'The child is yours and your responsibility, so child-minding should not be subject to anyone else's beliefs. You know very well what is best, and please believe in that. Nobody, even your parents, should sway that. If in doubt, always check in with the doctor instead,' she wrote. Another commenter who agreed wrote, 'You really have to sit down and talk with your wife. As parents, what are your non-negotiables, and what to do if mom or MIL disregards the way you want to care for and educate your child? Set boundaries and be firm. Let parents or in-laws know right from the start that there are boundaries to be respected, and you will have an easier time later on.' 'This type of toxic parent can discard. Don't want to see/hear about her grandchild, right? Then your wife can just send updates to her dad in the future and just leave her mum entirely out of any updates or invitations to meet/play with/care for the baby. 'Don't need to play nice cuz your MIL will only be further encouraged in her toxic behaviour… Sometimes, old people must also be trained and disciplined in what is acceptable behaviour. New parents have (so much) to deal with and no time for other people's stupid drama. Luckily, you all still have your mum, who's a normal human being, to help care for the baby,' another observed. /TISG Read also: Man, 25, with $10K savings contemplates cutting ties with his toxic family, asks if he can make it alone
CNA
a day ago
- CNA
CNA938 Rewind - Marriages down, divorces up – why?
What could be holding more Singaporean couples from getting married and why are our divorce rates rising? Lance Alexander learns from Dr Mathew Mathews, Principal Research Fellow, IPS.
