‘Hold my hand, I'm anxious': Why touch is a superpower we're still afraid of

Indian Express

2 days ago

While spiralling through Instagram reels one late night, I came across a clip of Pedro Pascal and Vanessa Kirby during a Fantastic Four interview. In it, Kirby was gently stroking Pascal's face, holding his hand, and even rubbing his back while he answered questions. It was brief, subtle, and entirely non-verbal, but I felt it was loaded with emotion. Apparently, the two share a strong bond off-camera, and Pascal has spoken about how physical touch helps him manage anxiety during stressful press events.
Since I watched the Reel twice, the Instagram algorithm served me more –– fan reactions, think pieces, breakdowns of 'chemistry,' and even a Drew Barrymore Show moment where Cynthia Erivo explained how she and Ariana Grande hold hands during interviews to ground each other.
'I don't think it's romantic,' Erivo once clarified, 'it's just… we love each other and that's how we show up for each other.' Barrymore, who's long been known for hugging her guests, nodded along, even calling it 'the safest way to connect.'
It made me think about the power of touch, and the many ways it's helped me.
I remember a job interview I was terrified to attend. My girlfriend, who'd accompanied me, held my hand all the way there. She didn't let go until I walked into the building. That single gesture made me feel like I could handle anything. I was so centred by the time I sat across from the interviewer, that when he asked me about my evening plans, I said without hesitation, 'I can't wait to go back to my girlfriend. She's the reason I'm even sitting here confidently.'
A more recent example is from last year, before setting off on the Srinagar–Ladakh–Manali bike circuit with two of my closest engineering college friends, I was riddled with fear. I survived a near-fatal bike accident in 2016 and had since sworn off long rides. This trip was a giant leap, physically and emotionally. Before we got on our bikes, my friend gave me a hug. It was brief, but tight. It said everything: 'I'm proud of you. You've got this. We'll do it together.' That hug cracked open something in me, and I didn't falter once in those 12 days of intense riding and off-roading.
Touch is our oldest form of communication. Long before we had language, we had hands –– reaching, holding, reassuring. Today, science backs what our instincts already know.
A landmark study from the University of North Carolina found that a 20-second hug between partners not only lowers cortisol – the stress hormone – but also reduces blood pressure and heart rate. 'Hugging is a powerful way to buffer stress,' said lead researcher Dr Karen Grewen.
Dr Tiffany Field, director of the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami, notes that even small amounts of physical contact – like a shoulder squeeze or hand-hold – can activate the parasympathetic nervous system. 'It's like hitting the body's reset button,' she says. 'Touch calms the fight-or-flight response. It tells your brain: you're safe now.'
Neuroscientist Dr James Coan's brain imaging studies have shown that people who experience supportive touch during moments of fear or pain display less activity in brain regions associated with threat. 'A simple hand-hold from someone you trust can literally change your brain's response to stress,' he told Psychology Today.
In India, however, we're often awkward – if not outright uncomfortable – with physical affection. A lingering hug, a hand held too long, or a back rub among friends raises eyebrows. Even among families, hugs aren't always second nature.
This discomfort is cultural. Our relationship with physical intimacy has long been policed by notions of modesty, gender roles, and public decorum. Even Bollywood, once famous for its platonic touch-heavy friendships – think Dil Chahta Hai or Rang De Basanti – has in recent years retreated into choreographed intimacy.
We police who touches whom, and in what context, as if affection is always loaded with intent.
That's why when two actors hold hands or hug on camera, even in non-romantic settings, it becomes content. It's dissected, judged, misinterpreted. Because we're not used to seeing emotional vulnerability, especially expressed physically, especially between adults, and especially between men and women.
In the West, moments like the Pascal-Kirby clip or Erivo-Grande hand-hold are still debated online, but there's an evolving understanding around physical touch. Even body language experts who analysed the Pascal-Kirby video noted that the gestures were comforting, not flirtatious. 'It's not romantic intimacy, it's nervous system support,' wrote one commenter. 'You can tell they trust each other.'
But perhaps it's time to change that. Hugs aren't always loaded. Hand-holding isn't always romantic. Sometimes, it's just a friend saying: I'm here. I've got you.
Like Pascal and Kirby. Like Erivo and Grande. Like my friend, on that mountain road.
Touch, when consensual and respectful, is a lifeline, not a threat. It's not a performance, it's presence. And in a world that moves so fast, sometimes the most radical thing we can do for someone is… staying still, holding their hand, and giving them a hug.
Mind the Heart attempts to uncover the unspoken in our relationships – or the over-discussed, without nuance – spanning solo paths, family bonds, and romantic hopes. Join us to discover the whys of our ties