This TikToker with depression shares what her day-to-day looks like — and it's not what you may think

Yahoo

6 days ago

TikToker Sam Souder makes a living sharing fashion and lifestyle content online — but she's also using her platform to talk about mental health.
Peppered right alongside her outfit of the day and product review videos are Souder's 'day in my life with depression' TikToks, in which Souder shows how she manages her life while living with depression. The quick videos, set to Audrey Hobert's pop song 'Sue me,' show Souder going about her day: waking up late in the morning, taking her medication and getting work done even as she quietly struggles with symptoms like procrastination, exhaustion and executive functioning issues.
The 27-year-old New Jersey-based creator was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) when she was in high school and has been in therapy for more than 10 years. But to the outside world, Souder may not appear like she's struggling at all — which is why the influencer tells Yahoo it's so important for her to be transparent about the reality of her mental health.
"I thought it was a fun and lighthearted way to introduce the topic,' Souder told Yahoo. 'I feel very privileged that I'm able to do influencing and these kinds of things. Sometimes it's hard to talk about mental health without sounding like you're complaining — there is a very fine line, and I'm so grateful for everything I've been able to do because of this job. This is one way I've been able to express how my day-to-day or my feelings unfold without being on a soapbox."
Souder said that she's been struggling with her mental health more than usual recently, which has made her job as a full-time influencer more challenging — but has also given her a window to explore what her real life is like, as opposed to only sharing the highlight reel. That means using TikTok to show when she was unable to get out of bed for hours or even sharing a video of her messy bedroom that she felt too overwhelmed to clean.
"It just didn't feel organic or right to come on here and, like, do my makeup and post outfits and try to act like everything was normal, when really, the depression I was having — and am still having — affects a lot of my thoughts and my day-to-day life,' Souder explained. 'Since I'm a lifestyle influencer and I post about what I do every day, it just made sense to start sharing that part of my life more organically — like without makeup on, still in bed, those kinds of things.'
The feedback to these videos has been 'very, very positive,' Souder said. Her TikTok followers comment things on her videos like, 'Thank you for being so transparent,' and, 'I've been struggling hard with my depression for months now. Big win for you getting out of the house! Haven't been out from mine in a minute lol.'
'People were just like, 'I'm right there with you,' and said it helped them feel a little less alone,' Souder said of her comments. 'Because the thing about depression — it's a very, very lonely condition.'
Saba Harouni Lurie, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told Yahoo that Souder's depression videos are a reprieve from social media content that 'makes it really hard to feel good about yourself.'
Typically, Lurie said, what you're seeing on social media is 'a very curated version of someone's life.' You're viewing their highlight reel of when they're out with friends or on a beautiful, luxurious vacation. Ordinarily, Lurie pointed out, you're not privy to the other parts of someone on social media's life — like 'where they're in bed and they're having a hard time waking up in the morning, or when they're feeling insecure or unsure about themselves.'
'If we're seeing these curated versions, it can be really easy to slip into thought patterns of, well, I'm not experiencing life like that. I'm not feeling that way about myself,' Lurie explained. But while Souder may make some of this aspirational content, she's also showing both sides of her life.
And Souder's videos can also help people recognize how depression and other mental health conditions can manifest in ways that go beyond what we might find typical.
'What I appreciate about the videos and the greater conversations that are happening is that they're opening the door to how we conceptualize depression,' Lurie said. 'For a long while, we were counting on external observations to know if somebody was depressed — if they're not able to get out of bed, if they're not eating, they're overeating, certainly suicidality. Now, there's room to acknowledge that depression can look many different ways.'
Erin Bowman, a licensed clinical professional counselor, told Yahoo that social media conversations like the one Souder is sparking can also help people recognize that they may be experiencing some mental health difficulties. 'There can be this sense of, like, 'Oh no, that's not me. Like, I'm still able to go to work, I'm still able to, like, do X, Y, Z things,'' Bowman said. This is especially true for people who have so-called 'high-functioning' mental health struggles, where they're able to keep up with work or their social lives.
And, Bowman noted, many women, as well as people socialized as women, struggle to recognize depression in themselves because they're taught to 'put a smile on' — even if, under the surface, they know they are having a 'really hard time.'
As for Souder, she is just glad her videos are resonating. 'If I can help somebody else by sharing what I'm going through, then it makes it all worthwhile,' she said.