I love my job, but hate my boss. What are some strategies I can use to cope with him?
I love my job and my direct manager but I hate my boss, who is the owner of the company. He's rude, brash and dismissive. I dread our weekly company-wide meetings. About once a month, I'll get assigned a task that requires one-on-one meetings with him, which is anxiety-inducing and stressful. I don't want to leave my job, but what are some strategies I can use to cope with being around the company owner? How can I tactfully request that my manager not put me on tasks that involve time with the owner?
Jivi Saran, executive business adviser, Quantum Business Growth, Vancouver
In a values and purpose-based workplace culture, we understand that every interaction – even the challenging ones – offers valuable insight into how we relate, communicate and influence one another. Your stress around the company owner is completely valid and rather than seeing it solely as a problem, it can be viewed as a meaningful signal – an opportunity to reflect on your boundaries, needs and energy.
Rather than approaching this situation with avoidance, consider shifting how you prepare for and engage in these moments. Before your meetings, ground yourself – take a few deep breaths, remind yourself of what you bring to the table and set a clear intention to remain steady and composed. This helps you stay aligned with your values, regardless of someone else's behaviour.
When it comes to speaking with your manager, approach the conversation with honesty and professionalism. You might say something like: 'I work best in calm, collaborative settings. I find it difficult to stay focused and confident when I work directly with [the owner] and it impacts my ability to deliver my best. Would it be possible to adjust how these tasks are assigned so I can continue contributing effectively?' This isn't about avoiding responsibility – it's about making intentional choices that support your well-being and performance. We know that when we make even small adjustments to how we show up, the environment often begins to shift in response.
You don't have to give up a role you care about. With clear communication and a centred mindset, you can create more peace within yourself while continuing to make a meaningful contribution. Empowerment doesn't always require dramatic action – sometimes, it comes from quiet self-awareness and conscious choices about where your energy goes.
Bruce Sandy, principal, Pathfinder Coaching & Consulting, Nanoose Bay, B.C.
I am curious why you hate your boss/the owner of the company. There are a number of rude, brash and dismissive people in the world. Do you feel as strongly about them? How do you handle them?
Your boss may remind you of other key figures, which may be causing your amplified reactions to him. Reflect on who that may be. If you have unresolved abuse (and/or) trauma caused by someone similar to your boss in your past, then you will want to consider speaking to a therapist or counsellor about this.
Ask your direct manager if it is possible not to have direct contact with the owner. Be curious about how this avoidance of dealing with the owner may impact you in your job and the workplace. If it is not possible to avoid contact with the owner, then ask your direct manager about how best to work with the owner.
Does your boss/owner have any redeeming qualities that you appreciate? If so, list these and focus on them. Remember, that which you focus on grows.
If you cannot avoid the owner, then be professional, respectful and set clear boundaries with him. Indicate to the owner that you want to focus on the issue at hand and that you have a set amount of time for the meeting. Also, ask if he has any constructive feedback for you at the end of meetings. You may want to have your direct manager or someone else involved in the meetings until you become comfortable interacting with the owner by yourself. They can then provide you with feedback, recommendations and coaching on how best to work with the owner.
Have a question for our experts? Send an e-mail to NineToFive@globeandmail.com with 'Nine to Five' in the subject line. Emails without the correct subject line may not be answered.
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