A modern man's guide to stylish swimwear

Telegraph

6 days ago

Once again, as sure as the annual eruption of cherry blossoms or the first scent of jasmine on balmy evenings, thoughts turn to a subject that's neither as beautifully delicate nor as fragrant: men's undergarments. But a summer ritual it nevertheless is, part of nature's rhythm in its own special way. Chances are you're either on holiday at the moment, or about to embark on a sojourn. Which is where your nether regions come in.
Men's holiday attire is often an afterthought, particularly compared to the booming resort industry in women's fashion, which is a pity as there's a glorious feeling to dressing for that first sultry aperitivo as the sun dips. Trunks even more so, because there's a sense that they should be rather apologetic, functional affairs rather than something to have a bit of fun with. I'm not for a second suggesting you don a pair of novelty swimmers alongside a cocktail with an umbrella in it, but there are degrees by which you can embrace a couple of weeks of, as the Italians say, il dolce far niente to relax and enjoy some pattern and colour without looking like a stag holiday on a Jet2 trip. The other end of the scale is the aggressively macho, sporty and functional type of swimwear to demonstrate you're here for Wim Hof ice baths rather than frozen margaritas on the lounger.
Of course, Daniel Craig's teensy La Perla swimmers may be something of an (unattainable) benchmark, but for most of us there's a happy middle ground in swim shorts. They've also evolved massively in recent years, with brands such as Orlebar Brown – founded as a British label, now owned by the Chanel – creating sleek, streamlined trunks with tailoring details such as side-fastenings, and others like the Brazilian label Frescobol Carioca with its rich patterns. I'm rather fond of ones that call to mind the Slim Aarons' aesthetic of the Fifties and Sixties – La Dolce Vita at its most evocative, whether in the proportions and cut – or you can even pay homage to Aarons' aesthetic with Orlebar Brown's versions featuring his photography. Whatever category you fall into, here's how to brace yourself for the beach or pool, best trunks forward.
Budgie smuggler briefs
For every Theo James in a Dolce & Gabbana advert, there's a Ray Winstone in Sexy Beast. That's not to do a disservice to the latter; there's something proudly majestic about a man of a certain timbre donning the teeniest, tiniest iteration of Speedos or variants of. Budgie smugglers have certainly, ahem, sprung to attention this year; the genetically-blessed Mr James in those white numbers, likewise White Lotus star Walton Goggins on the cover of a magazine in his. If you're tempted, just be aware of fit. You don't need to be body beautiful to wear them, but those shrunken proportions can tend to dig in, which can make flesh overhang and doesn't look great. Other than that, if you've got the brio, by all means let that budgie fly free.
Classic trunks
Not too small, not too big (boardshorts are a blanket no in this parish), but standard-issue trunks that hit the upper-mid thigh and just look appropriate and right. They're a poolside Everyman, the equivalent of a blue button-down shirt, nothing wildly exciting but – crucially – nothing overly outré either. Opt for a solid block of colour but steer clear of anything in neutrals – they stray too close to flesh tones and create an alarming illusion from a distance. It's a misstep to assume that larger frames need to opt for larger, blousier trunks – ones that elongate to the knee serve to drag the torso down, particularly if you're not exactly statuesque.
Bracing British wild swimmer
You're kitted out in your swim cap and goggles, you've got your hypoxic breathing down and your swimwear is steadfastly, pointedly practical. Fair enough. As a Scot who spent his formative summers as a child in flimsy swim trunks being marched into the North Sea like some sort of Nordic sacrifice to the sea gods, I'm all for the opposite approach (and why I holiday in the Med now). If you're going the full triathlon attempt on some windswept stretch of Norfolk beach, more power to you. I'm in no position to advise on what works stylistically, but obviously the more technically capable, the better – insulating qualities, technical fabrications and the kit to see you out of the water afterwards. Since you're embracing nature, it's worth looking into brands that work to reduce plastic waste in the ocean – Finisterre's contain a fabric with recycled ocean-waste plastics, for example. In fact, this should be a rule overall – Love Brand do some great eco-centric versions too.
Mediterranean lounger lotharios
A category I identify wholeheartedly as. Just add a page turner and an Aperol Spritz. Our continental brothers aren't afraid of a bit of vim in their swimwear, likewise exposing a bit of flesh in the proportions. They're not Speedos in cut, but the trunks tend to be cut shorter in proportions, coming to the top of the thigh. They're vibrant in hue, vivid in pattern and designed for the loungers of Positano and Provence. Just add a honeyed tan, a pair of Ancient Greek sandals and the strains of Volare floating across the bougainvillea.
Preppy playboys
You'll see this tribe across Europe in abundance during summer: East Coast Americans migrating en masse in their plumage of collegiate attire, applying the codes of Ralph Lauren to their downtime attire. Nothing wrong with that: this aesthetic is sporty without being painfully functionally so, smart without being too formal (neat proportions etc), with only the subtlest touch of detailing – polite stripes or candy hues, occasionally a sporting emblem such as Ralph Lauren's trunks embroidered with, for example, boats or tennis rackets. Nantucket by way of Naxos.