The Paradox Of Power: 3 Fears That Hinder Allyship In The Workplace

Forbes

2 days ago

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In today's rapidly evolving professional landscape, allyship and inclusion aren't just buzzwords; they're essential pillars for innovation, growth, and a truly equitable work environment. Yet, for many in positions of power, the path to becoming an effective ally is paved with unseen obstacles – not malicious intent, but deeply ingrained fears that subtly, yet powerfully, hold them back. Understanding these "fear stories" is the critical first step in fostering genuine allyship.
The journey to becoming an inclusive leader often demands a paradoxical mindset: embracing vulnerability while wielding influence, and stepping back to uplift others while maintaining one's own standing. There are three key fears that frequently trip up even the most well-intentioned individuals.
All Risk, No Reward: The Vulnerability Vortex
One of the most significant barriers to allyship is the perception that the risks outweigh the rewards. As Jennifer Brown, author of How to Be an Inclusive Leader, highlights, "it is a big ask for leaders to be more visible and open themselves up to being scrutinized in an unforgiving environment." This scrutiny often manifests as a fear of vulnerability – of making mistakes, admitting ignorance, showing weakness, or being perceived as inauthentic.
The reality is, mistakes are inevitable. You will say the wrong thing, use outdated language, or commit a microaggression. That's part of the learning curve in allyship. The crucial element isn't avoiding errors, which is impossible, but rather owning them, apologizing sincerely, and committing to improvement. This willingness to be imperfect fosters trust and demonstrates a genuine commitment to the journey of inclusion.
Furthermore, admitting "I don't know" can feel counterintuitive for leaders. Yet, true allyship demands this humility. Pretending to have all the answers, especially concerning the lived experiences of others, is not only disingenuous but actively harmful. It's about asking thoughtful, open-ended questions and actively educating oneself, rather than centering one's own experiences.
For instance, if a colleague of color shares an experience of racial bias, responding with emotional upset (even if valid) can shift the focus back to the person in power, burdening the individual seeking support. True allyship requires processing those emotions elsewhere, maintaining focus on the person who needs support.
There's also the fear of showing weakness. Leaders often feel compelled to project an image of unwavering competence. However, authentic strength lies in vulnerability. Sharing struggles or uncertainties allows for deeper human connection and creates space for open dialogue. It signals that you're a fellow human on a learning journey, not a flawless savior. People are often drawn to authenticity and imperfection more than perceived perfection.
Finally, the fear of being seen as "trying too hard" or having ulterior motives can stifle nascent efforts. While sincerity is paramount, early enthusiasm for allyship might sometimes appear "messy." The key is ensuring actions genuinely center the voices and experiences of marginalized communities, rather than being performative. True allyship is about consistent, selfless action, especially when it's challenging.
Status Threat: The Zero-Sum Fallacy
Inclusion initiatives, particularly those focused on diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI), can trigger a "status threat" among majority groups. As Harvard Business Review explains, those who have historically benefited from being in the majority may perceive DEI as a zero-sum game, fearing that gains for minority groups necessarily mean losses for them.
Mishel Horta, Head of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging at DHL Express Americas, uses a powerful analogy: "It is not about us versus them, it's not a zero-sum game. It is about broadening the flashlight focus beyond the dominant group, they are still centered. It is about sharing and broadening the focus of the light with others outside of the initial focus. We all benefit from being seen by the light." This reframing is crucial: allyship is about expanding opportunity, not reallocating it in a punitive way.
Given that a significant majority of leadership positions are held by men (for example, in 2023, women held only 29% of CEO positions at Fortune 500 companies, while people of color held only 15% of CEO positions), this fear disproportionately impacts white men. Allyship can challenge existing gender norms, leading to fears of negative peer pressure, backlash from other men, a perceived loss of masculinity, or being negatively labeled. It can feel like swimming against the current when the unspoken code is solidarity with the group in power. For example, a man speaking out against gender inequality or a white person addressing racism might face pushback.
The concept of "masculinity loss" is often rooted in outdated notions of strength. True allyship expands this definition, demonstrating that empathy, compassion, and standing up for justice are indeed powerful traits. It's about being secure enough in your identity to challenge harmful norms.
The lack of visible role models can make allyship feel isolating. It takes courage to be among the first or few in your circle actively engaged in this work. This underscores the importance of building communities of allies and sharing experiences. Furthermore, the fear of being "cancelled" or labeled ("woke warrior," "snowflake") can be paralyzing. These labels often serve to silence dissent. However, allyship demands courage to stand up for what's right, even in the face of criticism, particularly from those who benefit from the status quo.
Allyship is not about saviorism. Concepts like "white saviorism," where white individuals are portrayed as "rescuing" people of color (as seen in films like Hidden Figures or The Help which, despite their narratives, have been criticized for centering white perspectives), undermine genuine allyship. Active allyship involves taking risks and challenging the status quo, even if it doesn't directly benefit the ally. It's about trusting that a workplace that is better for historically marginalized groups will ultimately be better for everyone. A rising tide truly does lift all boats.
Irrelevance: The Ego's Grip
Perhaps the most potent fear, as Brené Brown's research on shame highlights, is the fear of irrelevance. In the context of allyship, this manifests as anxieties about loss aversion, worries about retaliation, ego preservation, and the struggle to decenter oneself.
Our natural aversion to loss often makes us overestimate what we might lose by embracing change, even positive change. We get comfortable with the status quo, even if it's unjust. Allyship requires letting go of this fear and recognizing that a more equitable world benefits everyone, even if it means relinquishing unearned advantages.
The unspoken worry about "revenge" from marginalized groups once they gain power can also be a deterrent. However, research by Melinda Gates in The Moment of Lift found the opposite: when women or people of color gain access to power, they are more likely to share it, not seek revenge. Allyship is about creating a just system, not protecting one's position.
Our own ego can be a significant hurdle. The fear of losing control or power can prevent sharing it effectively. True allyship requires checking one's ego at the door, prioritizing what's right over being right, and humbly learning from others.
Decentering ourselves is another critical, yet challenging, aspect. We are conditioned to be the main characters in our own stories. Allyship demands we step aside and amplify the voices of others, acknowledging that our experiences are not universal. It's about using our platforms to uplift, not self-promote.
The risk of shame can be paralyzing. Shame about past actions, biases, or lack of knowledge is understandable. While shame can motivate change, it can also freeze us. The key is to acknowledge these feelings, learn from them, and commit to moving forward. The fear of a "zero-sum game" – the belief that supporting others means rooting against oneself – is also prevalent. While some resources are finite (e.g., only 500 companies in the Fortune 500), the pie often expands when inclusion thrives, creating new opportunities for all.
Moving Forward: Becoming a Better Ally
Understanding these fears is the first critical step toward transforming them into opportunities for growth and deeper engagement in allyship. The journey requires self-reflection and courage, but the rewards—a more innovative, equitable, and ultimately successful workplace for everyone—are immeasurable.
Want to learn more? August 8 is International Allyship Day. Celebrate and engage people with power in allyship and inclusion.