The one simple trick to social cohesion? Trust your neighbours more than your MP

The Spinoff

25-06-2025

At a gathering of global religious, political and cultural experts in Singapore this week, one action has been cited over and over as a key to social harmony.
At the International Conference on Cohesive Societies (ICSS), more than 1,000 delegates from around the world have listened to former politicians, academics and digital entrepreneurs speak about the increasing polarisation around the world and what it will take for societies to flourish in a new reality. And the message that keeps coming back around, whether in talks about combatting online extremism, increasing social cohesion or embracing multiculturalism, is almost laughably simple: talk to your neighbours.
In April, the Helen Clark Foundation released its commissioned report on social cohesion in New Zealand, which painted a bleak picture of the country as one filled with uncertainty, resentment and dissatisfaction. The worrying headline that emerged in local reporting on it was that New Zealanders were 'less happy than their Australian mates, have a lower sense of worth, and are less satisfied with their finances'.
'On every dimension, New Zealand is falling behind,' said co-author Shamubeel Eaqub at the time, pointing to levels of happiness and financial satisfaction. But there was one area where New Zealanders scored significantly higher than Australians. 'More New Zealanders believe government can be trusted to do the right thing (42% vs 33% in Australia),' read the report's summary.
Speaking at the ICCS on the newly released 2025 Southeast Asian Social Cohesion Radar, which aims to track a similar sentiment to New Zealand's own report, Dr Farish Noor pointed out the slight decline in trust in government institutions but an increase in civic mindedness across the region. A decline in trust in the state is not inherently a cause for concern, he posited, or a suggestion of decaying social cohesion. In fact, when coupled with a rise in civic-mindedness or community engagement, it was actually a positive. 'Ultimately the state can't be a micro-manager,' he said. 'You have to trust your own neighbours and people.'
Ideally there'd be an increase in both trust in the government to do the right thing and trust in our neighbours, but on its own, an increase in what's known as 'horizontal trust' is a positive thing, said Noor.
In New Zealand, one's satisfaction with their financial position and trust in government appeared to have an inverse relationship with community engagement and trust.
Of the respondents in the New Zealand social cohesion report, Māori and Pasifika were more likely to have had to skip meals due to finances, were more concerned with crime in their neighbourhoods and were least trusting of the government, but were also more likely to be happy, more likely to have helped out someone they didn't live with in the past four weeks, more likely to be part of a community group and more likely to view their neighbourhood as a place where a diverse range of people got along.
This apparent contradiction was mirrored in the Southeast Asia social cohesion radar, which showed there was no connection between political systems (or civil liberties) and social cohesion.
One very clear signifier of disenchantment in the New Zealand report, however, was age. Those aged under 30 were most likely to feel unstable financially, as well as isolated and disconnected from community. Younger people have reported higher levels of loneliness compared to older people for generations but as the first generation to grow up entirely with the internet, there are new concerns about young people's likelihood of finding real-life community later in life.
A recent trend on Tiktok has been young users having their minds blown by the phrase 'the price of community is inconvenience'. The words adorn videos of neighbours moving furniture together, young women getting ready for a birthday they really can't be bothered attending, and cross-generational friendships. The moral? Sometimes being a part of something bigger than yourself means making sacrifices or compromises for the sake of maintaining community.
This is the crux of the issue being tackled at the ICCS. Building horizontal trust relies on human-to-human interaction – whether it's speaking over the fence with your neighbour, dropping a friend to the airport or making small talk with the supermarket checkout operator. It depends on exposure, in mundane ways, to people different from ourselves in order to find connection and a common goal (to happily live alongside one another). So how do we do that when digital advancements are removing these opportunities at every turn?
In an earlier panel, former ICANN CEO Fadi Chehade predicted that by the time there are 10 billion humans in the world, there will be 100 billion artificial agents representing them. AI 'advocates' who can negotiate on our behalf for better insurance, or work with other people's artificial agents to coordinate schedules. You potentially wouldn't have to speak to another person ever again.
A representative from Google then spoke of the developments to its Gemini AI assistant tool and how there would soon be a version specifically for children under 13. There was extensive talk of the role of regulation and governments in fostering community and limiting harmful content on social media platforms in order to create resilient digital systems. No one suggested any of this would increase social cohesion, simply that they would be necessary to reduce the current growing harms.
Instead, the one solution for increasing social cohesion that everyone – former politicians, economists, tech experts, dignitaries – could agree on was just to be a real-life neighbour to those around you while you still know how to. Apparently nothing breeds trust, connection and empathy like regular human exposure.
As social media expert Benjamin Lee was spoke about the impenetrability of online forums and the resentment they breed, a group of women at the table next to me in the cavernous hotel ballroom started a whispered conversation. I couldn't understand what they were saying but I could certainly hear them over the top of the panel speakers. It was distracting and, if I'm honest, really annoying. I wouldn't have had to listen to them if I was watching the livestream of the event from my hotel room instead. But if I'd done that, I'd have had no idea they existed at all.